Scavenger Hunt Madness

Bubbles Created & Hand Drawn Zumba Girl + One Team Shirt (Back)

Yesterday I felt a nervous sort of indifference about the upcoming scavenger madness. Work has suddenly decided to erupt like an angry volcano spewing work all over me and my tiny team.

I decided to blow off a little steam and NOT THINK with thirty minutes of Bubbles inspired Zumba. I was my usual klutz and I think Bubbles at times wonders why I'm giggling like a stonie at the back of her class but there are certain steps that she makes look so simple and so does the rest of the class that, alas, I simply can not do. One is where you take your right foot and kinda stomp it out and forward, then do the same thing with the left, if you're capable of hip movement you do that too and you shoot your right arm out and forward like your right foot and same with your left arm. Then you step back the same way.

I am genetically incapable of doing this with any sort of rhythm or nuance. I mean I get SO FAR behind that I'm nearly lapped and I just have to... giggle at myself.

I so need this class. Lout that I am.

As I head into the locker room my boss is in there getting ready for a run, grinning he says, "I'm sorry you're in the wrong locker room, this is the MENS locker."

I laugh kinda wondering if I could use that to get into the womens locker. Would they take pity on poor sweaty Bill? Fat chance.

At 1:30 I head down to the atrium for the scavenger hunt check in. Diablo is there explaining the rules of the game while we turn in all our money from out sponsors. To those who donated to our team,

THANK YOU!

We placed dead last but your money was still well spent on filling an empty belly. awesomeGirl had sold her soul to another team that raised something like $800 to our $70 or so, one of their gimmicks was that whoever gave them the most money got to name their team. They ended up being Rick's something or other...

Since I'm a petty, poor sport, little LITTLE man, awesomeGirl shall be called Rick's-awesomeGirl until I get over it in a year or two.

Diablo is speaking gibberish about twelve challenges and whatnot while I'm doing more constructive things like accusing the other teams of cheating, drug abuse or trying to recruit them to King Kojak's team. Diablo is showing no compassion, even when I fake an injury but he says something that catches my ear.

"If a challenge proves too tough you can opt for a minute penalty and move on to the next challenge."

Doing the math I raise my hand.

"Yes Bill?"

Glancing over at King Kojak I ask, "So we could stroll out here and immediately take twelve penalties and come in with a twelve minute time and, uh, do nothing?" King Kojak's team is known for indifference to any request. Kojak is grinning back at me, digging the idea.

Diablo realizes he's caught in a rule trap and starts explaining how this is suppose to be fun and stuff. Mind you I have no intention of doing this, I never pass on an opportunity to make a fool of myself but knowing what I know now I might have derived a bit of spiteful glee in saying to Rick's-Team "Good job" like they did to us after they won with a time of 12:49 - actually that reads meaner then it was, it was funny.

They deserved their prize. Raising that much money in this economy is no small feat.

Then we're shoved into what I started calling 'The Green Room' and called out into the atrium by team, then we were put back in there. The Green Room is actually a little hallway and we had to stay in there seeing nothing until Bubbles released us for the ordeal.

We were to be released second to last. It took awhile. We'd peer out when the door was opened hoping for clues. Occasionally a team would come running in on their way to the stairwell looking harried. At other times some poor slob who was actually working would wander in and be grilled for information.

One lady and a few of her pals came in and one of the research chicks (another opposing team) knew her and they started talking, but not about what was going on on the other side of the door. I'm having none of that.

"What's going on out there?"

The girl stares at me blankly while the research chick shoos her off before wheeling on me and saying, "BILL! She's from Armenia!"

"I wish you had told me that, I speak fluent Armenian."

"You do NOT!"

Some fan of King Kojak is trying to take his picture. I work myself into the frame knowing Kojak will treasure the moment more if I'm part of it. The fan says, "Oh my gosh, you two look like brothers!"

Kojak says, "I don't know how I feel about that."

DUDE!

The fan busts a gut and exits telling us nothing about what's going on 'out there.' I have no idea if she reads this blog but if so I'd appreciate it if she'd email a copy of that pic :-)

Later the Armenian girl comes back in and the research chick gleefully grabs her and says, "Bill can speak fluent Armenian. Bill, come over here and speak with my friend."

I walk over and say, "Hi."

She smiles politely at me while the research chick glowers saying, "That isn't Armenian!"

I look at her pityingly and say, "I AM speaking fluent Armenian." Somehow the girl disappears when Bubbles starts banging on the door saying, "King Kojak's team is up!"

Show time.

We're the second to the last team out the door and there are folk all around and lots of chaos. I think Bubbles hands us our first clue and we're on our way. We find the individual and are given a riddle to solve, "What goes up but never comes down?" We never figured it out.

Here's something to consider in the future when you're roped into one of these things. If you have a member of the FunRun! crew on your team (tireTosser) you WILL run the steps and LIKE IT gosh darn it! So we'd run up to the fourth floor, down to the second floor. I'm in my work clothes and getting kinda sweaty. I'd pop out of some Godforsaken stairwell and people would be yelling, "Run! You're suppose to run!"

mmhmm - I didn't give up but I knew we didn't have a prayer of winning this thing. $800 to our $70 is a pretty big deficit to make up time wise so I decided to listen to Diablo and have fun doing the challenges and trying to keep up with tireTosser, King Kojak and their stair running ways.

The research chicks catch us at the corn hole event. Now that was a challenge, the thing was about twenty-five feet away from where you toss the sandbags. There were a few other challenges and we were done.

I immediately defected to the winning team but Diablo only had three gift cards so I defected back. I don't think King Kojak even noticed.

My wife loves her Bubbles' designed T-Shirt, I had a great time tormenting her team in this blog and trash talking everybody.

It's fun, try it next year! I will if:

1. I survive Bubbles and Diablo's workouts
2. Anyone will have me

Until then, see you on the runway, I'm the one in the single white sock, it's my trademark.

Bubbles Created & Hand Drawn Zumba Girl + One Team Shirt (Front)

I wrote the above last night while it was fresh on my mind. Work is busy so I don't have a lot of time to tell you what went on at the gym today.

I did my interval workout on the upright bike today. IronMan came in when I was killing myself on the last two hills. I felt pukey on this workout and came off the bike stiff and sore which was weird. I carefully clean up the sweat covered bike trying to mentally assess these seeming new muscle pulls.

Then I stagger around watching IronMan and goodMood play and I wanna but this annoying little fly is buzzing, work, work, beware the Ides of March...

sigh

I head for the lockers, take of my HR monitor and go back out to the gym grinning like an idiot at goodMood and Ironman while I say, "Look, I just gotta lift something." Running my fingers lovingly over the 95lb dumbbells.

IronMan is sitting on a bench lifting some massive thing above his head in an Arnold Press. He gasps at goodMood, "Give him some five pound dumbbells."

"Awww come on!"

"Nope!"

So I take the dumbbells and do a few shoulder exercises while goodMood and IronMan query me on pain. Things seem to be improving but I betcha if I go over the five pound limit IronMan and goodMood will kick my ass. I keep thinking of Fuzion, that workout routine I posted a few days ago and curling pencils.

Bubbles is processing Kojak and Rick's-awesomeGirl through body assessments and she's grinning because she's gonna make her ABS deadline.

And I have to go.

Be well.

Game Day

I showed The Zumba Girls and a Dude for Strip Mining a few incriminating pictures and shortly afterwords these pictures began appearing...

The money should flow in now!

I have a busy day in front of me so not much time to blog. IronMan told me to lay off the Graviton for two months, he also nodded towards a machine he used when he hurt his shoulder but refused to show me how to use it. He knows me too well and wants me to lay off it for awhile and then he'll show me. Apparently there's this 'lay off it' theme I can dimly make out. IronMan wants my shoulder functional so I can feed him peeled grapes while goodMood fans him.

I'm on a Hunt for Hunger Scavenger Team and we hit the field of battle later today - I'll go home and write that little horror up for tomorrow. We'll see if Bill can perform 'under pressure.' King Kojak is irritated with me since he's raising all the money and awesomeGirl is loitering in the lobby like some sort of Operation Feed Strumpet begging for money for her team.

I did the total body workout today (minus Graviton) but was introspective and lost in thought after Filipe was kicked off The Biggest Loser. I'm trying to care but the show was so pumped full of cliched inspiration that I went into a diabetic coma and missed some stuff. The only highlight for me was the train the trainer segment and seeing Jillian finally break (saying yeah that's enough) doing lunges. Lunges suck! Try them sometime!

Second Body Assessment

I suppose you've seen these all over the place... sigh

With marketing like that how can we possibly win? Plus I heard there were eight teams not two, groan. We need the money but we're not gonna bug you about it like OTHERS do, OK? So fork it over.

My first body assessment was on 31 Dec 08. OK blogger blows at tables!

We'll go this way.

• Weight: 211 lost 26 pounds
• Resting HR: 66 bpm down 16 bpm - Bubbles liked that
• Body Composition: 24.85% down 4.31% meaning I lost 4.31% of body fat I think. Still it creeps me out thinking 25% of me is fat shudders
  
• VO2 Max: 31.51 up 12.99 meaning my heart and lungs are getting along better. I'm now on the chart around the 25 percentile - needs more work
• Push Ups: Couldn't do them due to shoulder injury
• Curl Ups: 9 up one - GROAN - Bubbles says it has to do with spine flexibility something she's gonna work on with me
• Flexibility: 3 up 3 from ZERO so, you know, it's a start but I'm still not on the chart, oh here it is - CORPSE
  
• Waist to hip ratio: 0.930233 down 0.092239 I went from high risk to low risk on overall health stuff like diabetes.

Some progress. I'm making progress!!! I need to get my VO2 up even more, keep driving my weight down, leave the category of rigor mortise in flexibility and master those stupid curl ups LOL!

Thanks Bubbles! Keep hurting me :-)

A brief shout out to awesomeGirl who with her partner placed third in the corporate challenge euchre tournament! All that training paid off!

Zumba Girls Will Waste Your Money!

One of the things I need to do, that I hoped to do this weekend, is propose a set of dates for the Friday Potluck at our house. I'll put them over on the sidebar with voting buttons. Just a heads up on that, I haven't forgotten.

We have this corporate hunger thingy for Operation Feed, some sort of scavenger hunt. To my knowledge there are two teams. King Kojak's Team representing all that is good in the world and Zumba Girls and a Dude for Starvation representing unpleasantness and darkness.

One of my direct reports is on Zumba Girls and a Dude for Kicking Puppies along with my wife. Imagine what fun that is for me on the opposing team navigating that quagmire. On Friday (a holy day I guess since King Kojak took it off) the wicked Zumba team leader and direct report struck like a viper! She used mailing lists and stand up meetings to plead for money for her team while I had to sit in a class learning the full horror of what is Office 2000-whatever!

I mean really. Is that fair? No, since I didn't think of it.

So King Kojak needs your money if we're going to defeat Zumba Girls and a Dude for Clubbing Baby Seals because I'll betcha they're smarter than we are and this scavenger thingy is suppose to involve using one's wits! We're doomed without some serious coin, so it can be over in seconds and you can be back at your desk working your tails off or you can laugh your butts off at tireTosser, King Kojak and me trying to puzzle something out.

Pernicious Zumba Girls and a Dude for Continued Recession or King Kojak's team (if King Kojak ever decides to name it I'll pass that on, maybe King Kojak's Knights or the... uh... KKK... for short... never mind, probably not that one).

Your call.

Look, here's the depths they'll go to. After my shower and weigh in (I'm down to 211 four pounds from losing thirty - BIG GRIN) I'm using the deodorant because of that stupid court order and I know that the Zumba Girls and a Dude for Setting Fires at Myrtle Beach sabotaged the cans! As I finish with one arm pit and am moving to the next one they modified the spray nozzle causing jets of deodorant to spray into my eyes!

Yes, that's what I'm saying! The Zumba Girls and a Dude for Depleting the Ozone Layer tricked me into macing myself! How else would you explain it?

Now I can't even cry crocodile tears for your money because of the antiperspirant! They'll probably disable my chin quivering technique next.

BAH!

I hurt myself at the gym today making me feel more like an athlete than ever! I was doing Bubbles Total Body thingy and trying to treat it like that final whatever on Biggest Loser but it's Monday and Jillian wasn't screaming at me so I just decided to up some of the weights. That was fun let me tell ya. I got a little annoyed with Kingsley since he interfered with my autism by bogarting the leg press machine right when I needed it but I managed not to cry and worked around it.

Anyway I was on the Graviton 2000 and decided to drop the weight from 90 to 80 and started doing dips. Immediately my right shoulder screams out, "DEAR GOD IT'S MONDAY YOU DOLT!" in pain. I try two more, hurting it further before consulting with goodMood on the matter. He tells me to back off it and STOP. I ponder that, up the machine to 140 and do a test - um yeah - it's hurt.

I wrap up with Bubbles Get Your Whiny Butt Back To ABS routine, shower, weigh in, mace myself and am getting dressed while talking to bendItLikeBeckham about my injury. He mentions icing it after I find a Tylenol in my pocket (handy!).

As I'm heading out the locker room doors Diablo is there with two disposable ice packs! How cool is that? He gives them to me, telling me I should keep the shoulder iced as much as possible for the next 24 hours and then shows me how to be a proper dip. I mean how to do a proper dip. I was going down too far, putting too much strain on my shoulder.

Gosh I love these trainers!

In the future I think I'll warm up for dips (after healing) by setting the machine way high for some reps and give my shoulder a heads up.

Finally, as promised here's a sanitized picture of the brutal MIXX sunbathing class I mentioned on Friday.

Bubbles inspects the sunbathers for form during a vicious MIXX class

Bilba! the New Zumba

coolCousin ROCKS HARDCORE and completes her first marathon!!!

Vows (as they always do) to never do it again! Hopefully details will follow.

Bilba!

Yesterday I managed to squeeze in Zumba, alas I was a solo male swimming in a sea of estrogen. I suspect IronMan was napping and could not be disturbed.

Bubbles, who's the poster child for Zumba addiction, was running late since doing about six different Operation Feed things at once along with her regular job nearly set off a riot. The ladies were milling around with increasing impatience when feistyGirl blurts out, "Where's Bubbles?!" and calls the PBX so that they could check the security cameras and get a location. The ladies begin muttering amongst themselves, the onset of Zumba withdrawal imminent!

I recognize the symptoms and let me tell you Zumba withdrawal is a terrifying thing to behold! Being a low level line manager I decided to step in and muddy the waters. It's what I'm paid to do. I'm good at it.

Suggesting I lead the class, fiestyGirl had propped a garbage can in the door to the gym so that she could roam the hallways in search of Bubbles. I removed it, locking that little trouble maker out and dashed to the front of the class. Thinking frantically I invent Bilba! a new exercise craze, on the spot.

"Perform The Willow!" I call out. One group of women put down their chairs, clubs and rakes while another group stopped trying to set the stereo on fire. They stare at me blankly, I have their attention.

I thrust my arms in the air like I'm being held up a gun point and begin frantically wiggling my fingers before swaying left to right like a drunk cobra. Giggling, the ladies follow suit, raising their arms and wiggling their fingers releasing a flood of endorphins from their finger tips (few know this is where endorphins are stored which is why people with hooks are so cranky and turn to a life of piracy) allowing it to flow down their arms into their riot filled minds. The swaying motion increases the endorpho-pumping action.

I lead them through the Shake Your Martini Faster, Faster!, The Geek at the Prom and am running out of ideas trying Wax On, Wax Off the Forty Year Old Virgin version in desperation. Inventing exercise crazes is HARD! Someone had let feistyGirl back into the room and she definitely wasn't buying into the Bilba! mania.

Storm clouds were reforming when Bubbles burst into the room. She intuitively recognizes the near crises, heads straight for the stereo and puts on Zumba music. Removing her warm-up jacket she starts dancing, assuming her rightful leadership role. I put the TV I was about to hurl through the mirrors down (look, I'm only human!) and assume my out of whack behind the class position.

Bubbles is in full Zumba regalia, cargo pants and some sort of Zumba wife-beater T that had something Zumba-ish printed on the back that I couldn't read because she was too wiggly. I focus on her feet making sure I was out of step and off beat.

Bubbles works us hard and fast rapidly calming us down through the age old technique of exhaustion and confusion. My wife is keeping up along with others. I still Suck with a capital 'S' but you know what? This is my forth Zumba class or so...

It's still so much fun!

The karateKid is over in the corner kinda trying the moves but mostly watching. qualityGirl and I are giving him static, "No watching! Do it or get back in the lockers until Karate starts!" When I was getting dressed I overhear him saying to the other karate folk, "That course looks fun, we should try it sometime!" and some other guy saying he doesn't want to get that sweaty during business hours, or something like that.

DUDE!

Anyway, Bubbles might have another convert on her hands.

Body Fuzion

TomS sent me the following email with the latest research from his mysterious laboratories:

Bill,

You have been working out really hard now for over 100 days. I thought it might be time step up to a more advanced workout.

Since you have shown an open mind with Zumba, I think you will be open to expanding your diverse workout regimen by pushing the envelope with this routine.

You are ready. I know you can do it.

Check it out:


TomS

I had difficulty focusing, your mileage may vary.

Commute Dry Run

Today I cut the grass, watched my daughter play soccer, sent my son on some Boy Scout eighteen mile round trip death march and then decided to do a dry run of my bike commute into work. In a fit of mongoloid reasoning I also decided to see if I could use an 18 inch X 18 inch Shamwow for a towel. All in the name of exercise research. All for you, gentle reader.

I prep the bike, seeing what I could fit in the 'trunk.' I get in a pair of gym shorts, a t-shirt, socks, undies, the shamwow, and that's about it. I had a little bit of room but not a lot, I could have gotten in a wallet, iPod, that sort of stuff, so it's not crammed. I wont need the panniers until Monday and I'm trying not to think about that weight.


The ride in brings back memories. The only thing of notice was when I was going over Le Alp de Overpass there's a bad bump in the bike path that caused my rear blinky to pop off the bike. When I ride in the mornings I look like a UFO all blinking and shiny. If I ever get hit it's NOT because they didn't see me.

When I reach the gym I'm sweating, just like when I can tell I'm warm during an aerobic workout, the ride in took about sixteen minutes. My company, thankfully, has designed the grounds so that no matter what your direction you in a strong headwind, enhancing your workout. Today is very windy.

I change and head out in the gym and choose to do an additional thirty minutes on recombinant ::rolls eyes at myself:: I shoot the breeze with another dude in there learning about protein powder. When my time is up I'm sweaty and hot and ready for a shower.

The Shamwow Experiment

When you get right down to it an 18 by 18 shamwow is pretty darned small. It also smells funny.

Super.

I feel vulnerable trying to stay covered up with the silly thing. That's a lost cause. Still I'm glad the gym isn't packed though I've been known to stroll around the locker room like I own the place.

I take my shower and then dry with the Shamwow. It works! Go figure. I manage to get dry with the thing but when I try and wring it out like the dude in the commercial I get nada. So my plan of wrapping my sweating clothes in it to help them wick dry is a non starter. The shamwow was very damp.

I pack up and ride home. The metrics, even though I wasn't 'pushing it' are pretty good I think. The heart chart indicates a spiky interval with an average HR of 65-70% so the commute to and from work should provide a nice little workout in and of itself. This was my route:

It's been a great day but I'm super tired (I did a few other things I wont bore on about). Have a great weekend!

Catnip

McBeal Update: The results came back from the independent auditors and it's still a tie but who cares? allyMcBeal will always be 'Ally' (though I did kind of like wallyMcBeal) and that's that even if she's a wall flower she's a litigious wall flower by golly! Her name stays, but one day or evening she should experience the wonder that is Zumba!

Mulch Update: The Mulch Fairy came and it's been distributed throughout the yard. Our suspicions were correct however and we came up significantly short so now we're enjoying a two toned look in the yard. It's really quite eye catching in an eclectic sort of way.

Yesterday was take your kid(s) to work day and my company was filled with the little monsters wonders. My company actually did it right showing them all sorts of things that we do with various classes targeted to age group. Around 1:30pm I grabbed my two children and headed over to the gym. My son is an avid reader of my blog and wanted to see the various machines I suffer on first hand.

As we approach we see various colored stability balls arrayed in front of the gym like so many balloons along with Bubbles and a crew enduring her MIXX class. My daughter picks up her step suspecting a party.

The MIXX crew is comprised of a lot of the FunRun! folk and I point out various people so that my kids can put faces to names, "That's wickedWoman, JRock, princessLongLegs, coolChick and Bubbles." There were others but they don't have names yet.

"What are they doing father?" asks my innocent daughter.

"Sunbathing, I should say vigorous sunbathing combined with strenuous gabbing while lying on one's back enjoying a beautiful spring day. It's an advanced course..." I trail off lamely.

"Oh."

I took a picture of this 'workout' because I know you wont believe how arduous it really is. Once I make sure no one can be identified I'll post it to this entry.

We head into the gym. My kids were most interested in seeing the hellish StairMaster and my son wanted confirmation that some machine was actually named the Gravitron 2000. Both kids enjoyed the visit and really enjoyed meeting both Diablo and Bubbles who they have heard so much about.

Thanks for taking the time Diablo and Bubbles!

I did the total body workout today followed by Bubbles ABS Routine for Sissies Who Can't Handle the Real ABS Class but don't really have much to report on that. I'm jacking the weight up on some of the exercises but all in all managing. I DID forget to do the Lying on Stomach Alternating Supermans (2X10 hold each rep for 2-3 counts) and the Plank On Elbows and Knees (2X30 seconds) and will make them up later in my office today. I wonder if I'll draw a crowd?

I blame IronMan of course. He's showing either further decline in sanity because of the Biggest Loser no longer showing anything interesting or he's been in the catnip. He worked himself into, ironically, an exhausted frenzy. I kept racing through my ABS and then running out into the room to see what the maniac was doing next based on goodMood's color commentary from the elliptical.

"Don't try that at home kids!"

IronMan first did the medicine ball on the floor and hop up on the bench thing.

It was NOT ENOUGH!

He did two sets of six push ups on two stability balls with his feet on a bench.

He must have MORE!

He grabs another stability ball, rolls out on it like you do a plank, does a push up, rolls back over the ball pushing madly backwards with his hands, pushes himself out and repeats until exhausted.

Gasping for breath he says, "Now that gets your heart rate up!"

That seemed to do the trick although he was trying some ABS thing that awesomeGirl was showing him from her latest routine.

I ask awesomeGirl about her latest routine and she reports that she only did part of it yesterday and her triceps are sore. I reply without compassion, "There will be no whining! You asked for this."

She grins ear to ear (she's one happy gal), "Oh I know! All this training will culminate in tomorrow's corporate challenge! Me and my partner won it two years ago!"

"What event?"

"Euchre."

King Kojak's Team

I'm running out of steam, the last few days have been hectic and it's becoming increasingly hard to keep up appearances.

Others are showing signs of stress, today awesomeGirl had Bubbles 'bring it' for a routine since her current routine wasn't painful enough. I'm flailing on the recombinant next to marathonMan who's turning the pedals r e a l s l o w because he jacked the machine up so high, but I'm not saying anything to him since he bit my head off earlier. I was trying to tell him that he needed to turn the pedals to activate the machine and he glared at me, Mr. Helpful, muttering something about having to get the straps just right on his pedals or something. marathonMan isn't a morning person.

I've decided, based on awesomeGirl's behavior, to read the label on the olive oil bottle real close. I bet there's some tiny, legalistic text that says:

Consult your physician before consuming olive oil. Irreversible side effects may include mild insanity, getting in your trainers face and severe sadomasochism along with the inability to hold a barbell due to excessive oil in the sweat syndrome...

It would explain a lot. So I'm watching marathonMan grinding it out on the bike, Bubbles doing some unimaginable thing with holding a leg out parallel to the floor and two dumbbells while awesomeGirl tries to hide her horror because she's next and goodMood and IronMan trying to kill each other with bench presses for their morning warm up.

Morning TV has got NOTHING on this!

I'm banging out forty-five minutes on the recombinant doing intervals but nowhere near the intensity of last week. Sadly I've managed to confuse myself, again, so I need time to think. About what? I DON'T KNOW - it's just beyond my grasp buzzing about like some annoying fly.

I'm off the bike and ask awesomeGirl if the new routine is meeting her expectations. She says it's going to kick her butt tomorrow with a happy smile.

Addicts, they're nothing but trouble. I'll have to keep an eye on her and possibly set up another intervention. I'm so glad I get up at 4:30am and try and bang through a 45min cardio so that I can have thirty or so minutes to lift my 'twaining' weights with IronMan and goodMood. At least I don't have a problem!

My liege lord had entered the gym and mounted his trusty upright bike without me even noticing! Attempting to avoid another beating from the benevolent one I kneel before mighty King Kojak Ruler of All That is Scavaged and report, "My lord no one in this gym feels they are worthy enough to join thy team! Or they just don't wanna."

He merely glares at me making some shooing motion, this is not his problem it's MY problem. He's fully dove into this team leader thing!

I hatch a plot with Bubbles promising her that King Kojak will pay her FIFTY Kojak Dollars if she doesn't end ABS class until someone volunteers to bask in the mercilessness that IS Kojak.

I just heard tireTosser cracked.

I guess we have to do this now - glares at tireTosser :-)

McBeal Update: I'm still waiting to get the IP data back for the recount, these subpoenas appear to take awhile! Perhaps a compromise? A combination of wallFlower and allyMcBeal? wallyMcBeal?

Mulch Update: It's getting wetter.

Yesterday I'm minding my own business on my way to some lecture about diversity or something when I notice Bubbles sitting at a booth yakking with AT Everest. Fool that I am I stroll over and Bubbles starts trying to rope me into doing some Operation Feed Scavenger Hunt. Bubbles can be pretty persuasive but I managed to beg off since I had to learn about diversity or something.

Afterward I'm ambling for the elevators when I hear, "BILL!" I glance upward through the atrium glass figuring it's the Lord again but I was wrong. Glaring at me with demonic glee was Diablo at the same table Bubbles was occupying not an hour ago. He brings me over through sheer force of will, "Bubbles tells me that you've volunteered for the Scavenger Hunt..."

"Um, I don't remember it quite like that." I explain that I don't know what it is so he tells me what it is and I tell him I'll think about it.

phew!

I'm explaining to my wife this Scavenger Hunt thing, making a total hash out of it while we're strolling out of the lunchroom and stumble into BOTH Diablo and Bubbles!!! My wife is trying to figure out where and when and Bubbles is going into her spiel about how much fun it is while Diablo looks threatening when my wife says, "We'll do it."

Well OK then.

Since then my wife has defected to another team called Zumba Girls or something and I walk a lonely gym, the only gym that I have ever known, don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone...

Sorry, Green Day on the iPod... that one always gets me whiny.

Everyone is giving the leper Bill a bit of the cold shoulder this morning when I'm trying to recruit for another team which is mine I guess since I'm currently the only one in it, that was until Kojak said he'd join. Cool! Now it's Kojak's team!!! He'll probably make me shave my head, not that that's any big chore or anything.

Still we need one more. How about it? Yeah you, quit hiding behind that bush and cowboy up buttercup! Come on... you know you want to!

Pretty quiet in the gym today but what do I expect when I show up at five? GASP! I just might turn into one of the ghostPeople, not sure I want that, they're SPOOKY! IronMan strolls in and welcomes back needs-a-name and we're both a bit disappointed in the Biggest Loser. There was like twelve seconds of gym time so no IronMan Stunt of the Week. They better come up with something next week or IronMan will probably go insane, he's already showing signs doing dangerous lunges with barbells. I probably put a banality curse on the show by watching it. I'll skip next week and we'll see if that helps.

Total Workout today and now I must ponder how to slide the ABS work in (and when) and hopefully find time tomorrow for some RackRuns! I'm giving thought to joining Zumba Girls (King Julien voice, "I'm a lady, everyone! Now, which of you is attracted to me?") so I obviously need to spike my testosterone.

Intense?

Yesterday I got an email from JRock that contained a URL to an article titled, Rise, Shine, and Get Some Exercise. Interesting article but the following caught my eye:

only 45 percent of adults fulfill the surgeon general's physical activity recommendation of 30 minutes of intense aerobic activity three times per week.

First I wondered how they arrived at the 45% figure, I wasn't polled, how's that data being collected? But what really annoyed me was, "30 minutes of intense aerobic..." As a newbie these sorts of statements set off all sorts of warning bells.

What's intense mean? This sort of phrasing drives the newbie crazy and my fellow and former couch potatoes start visualizing strokes and major cardiac events, then there's the never ending "Before lifting your pinkie while thinking about exercise please consult your physician."

Now I agree that it's probably a great idea if you've been lounging around or you're about to get serious with it that you check with you doc. The newbie mentality though is that is a non starter, "NOW I have to go to the doc before embarking on my thirty minutes of 'intense' aerobic activity? I believe I'll continue to disappoint the surgeon general."

Well my fellow newbies here's what you do.

1. Find something you like doing or can at least tolerate that doesn't involve a screen
2. Get up and do it, um, NOW, not after later.

For me it was bike riding. I had this delusional dream of casually dropping in some conversation, "Yeah I did thirty on the bike today with an average twenty-three mph." It didn't take long for that bubble to pop, but last summer I managed to get fairly consistent with commuting into work. Six miles round trip. I'm very fortunate to have that short of a commute but that's not the point, I worked it into something I was already doing. That's the point. After a bit it kinda sorta becomes habit.

Did I visit my doc asking for permission? Nope.

Now do that for a bit and you'll get a feel for what's 'intense' for you. Walk (have you ever noticed when you're walking or biking slowly how many people will wave back if you wave first?), drop by my house and move a bag of mulch and not to the trunk of your car darn it!, whatever.

OK, you can do that, now what? Now if you decide to head into the gym you're gonna most likely have to check with your doc, particularly if you're over some age or weight. The gym doesn't want you to sue them (and you might rabbit, you just might) and the trainers don't want to injure you, nah the trainers want hurt you long time baby. You pull some major muscle or throw your back out, well that was fun for fifteen minutes but the trainers have something else in mind and not the sadistic way you're hoping for, that's what Madam Butterfly's Dungeon of Depraved Delight is for. No they want you about for the long haul so don't get impatient if they start you out easy, that's just the hook and they want to observe you, see how you're dealing. They want you to look forward to the next session, to dig it, if they're any good and I know two great ones.

::climbs off soap box:: Thanks for the article JRock.

I did something intense for me today. If you recall last week I wanted to get my avg HR above 144. I wrote: I'm going to lay out a careful plan of assault for next Tuesday - the goal will be an average HR of 150 over forty-five minutes.

As I climbed onto the elliptical this morning I realized that I hadn't laid out any plans at all. So my plan became my usual one of winging it. I took the machine up to level twelve right off the bat and let that run for about six minutes but it wasn't getting the HR up high enough so I upped it to level 13 and that kept me consistently above 150.

Then it became a waiting game of just keeping the HR above 150, it seemed like I was around 160 most of the time but I may have been delusional.

IronMan came in and was doing some treadmill work but the second goodMood showed up he was off that bad boy and over by the weights. I finished up around 6:15 and was exhausted. After the usual sobbing and what not I was composed enough to join them. Earlier I had heard Bubbles call out her traditional, "Good Morning" and as I was telling the guys about this book on lifting I got from the library Bubbles was suddenly at my side.

"You ready to go?" She was holding her awesome ABS Routine for Sissies Who Can't Handle the Real ABS Class routine in her hand. I said sure, figuring she was just going to show me a few things and it would be over in ten minutes.

Bubbles had other plans and put me through the full routine carefully checking my form and making me do them right. I managed to chat a bit during it and found out that Bubbles has had better weekends her volleyball team that she coaches not doing as well as hoped. One of her best defensive players going off on a cruise near Rome and another one doing something else. Then she was recalling how she was asked at the start of the season if she preferred the thirteen year old girls or the seventeen year olds to coach. Judging from her face I'm pretty sure Bubbles has made her mind up about THAT!

Because of my gabbing I think Bubbles was a few minutes late to ABS. I was threatened by D-TOSRV about my bogarting Bubbles ways as he stormed into the gym while I was wiping down my mat. quietGuy glared at me.

As I was heading out of the locker room I ask Kojak if ABS was its usual nightmare. Looking slightly shell shocked he says, "It was really tough and I BLAME YOU!"

That's me, Mr. Popularity :-)

PS: If it makes you feel any better Kojak I should be back in ABS in eight weeks, its my goal.

CRISES for McBeal!!!

Team McBeal was thrown into disarray as the polls closed deadlocked 50% for McBeal and 50% for the new name, wallFlower! A shaken JRock, wiping tears from her eyes says, "She won't come out of her office! Occasionally she'll buzz of more Miller High Life but that's about it. She's pouring over case law muttering, 'the voters have spoken, the bastards!' over and over..."

But first a word from our sponsors.

Does your blood BURN for service projects?!

Hi, I'm Bill and do I have a service project for YOU! I have a driveway full of wet, heavy mulch and I need your help in moving it! ALLLLL OF IT! So this Saturday I'm having the first annual BYOB Fun Mulch. That's Bring Your Own Bag because we're not sure we ordered enough and it's a pain to have to go to the local hardware store for more. We prefer the pricey Scotts stuff since you're paying for it.

So let me be clear this time, I want no confusion on your part OK?

Bring Your Own Bag Fun Mulch, Saturday, May 25th in the year of our Lord 2009 at 9AM local time.

Thanks! I'll send Office Invites too as soon as I figure out how to disable the 'Tentative' and 'Decline' buttons.

My phone rings. When I answer a drunken voice slurs, "I demand a recount!!!" followed by garbled legal jargon and a bunch of citations I carefully jot down on a notepad - U.S. v. Carroll Towing Co., Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad Co., and Ybarra v. Spangard. Then the line goes dead.

Weighty stuff. But case law has been cited and heavy drinking is involved so my hands are tied.

I'll do the recount and get back to you, a bunch of former Al Gore attorneys and UN observers with their silly blue helmets are in my office at that moment, reading this as I type it.

Today is full of evil omens. My alarm goes off scaring The Mulch Fairy away with his whispered, empty promises and I struggle out of bed. I'm sore and I don't wanna seems to be my morning mantra. I grab my stuff, toss it in the trunk and head to the gym, today is weigh in - GROAN!

I stand in front of the gym door fumbling through my gym bag my heart rapidly sinking. Yep, yep, I forgot my badge. I lean on the buzzer hoping to roust the ghostPeople from their ephemeral workouts but to no avail. As my little bald pinhead gets wetter in the rain I reach a decision, climb back in the car at 5:15am and get my badge. As I grab the silly thing off the dresser I am sorely tempted to just bag it and joining my wife back in bed, she looks positively yummy all snuggled in like that. I also grab my forgotten binkie (water bottle) and head back to the gym.

As I drive back I ponder two things, one why am I doing this? Answer, I don't know. Two, maybe the trainers should consider carrying around real binkies for when I get too fussy during some workout just to shut me up and regulate my breathing. Deep thoughts on a Monday morning.

I reply to a text from my coolCousin in the locker room. Her Marathon is coming up on 25 April and I need details. I'm so proud of her for trying this, I know she'll complete it.

I see a soaked in sweat marathonMan over on a recombinant and we shoot the breeze on the ever lasting install that's been going on since Sunday. He looks tired. I start my total body at about ten till six.

The gym rapidly fills up, everyone charged with energy since they blew off the Fun Mulch I guess. goodMood, Kojak, ponyTail, awesomeGirl, dennisHopper, davidBeckham and the fallen dude I mentioned earlier. If he keeps this up I'll have to name him, perhaps wallFlower or allyMcBeal since one of those names should be available. There were quite a few others in there too, a bunch of guys getting ready for speedo season I reckon.

I hammer through the total body not into it but getting it done. Bubbles came through with her utterly awesome ABS Routine for Sissies Who Can't Handle the Real ABS Class or ARSWCHRAC for short but I can't get an internet connection in the gym so I can't look it up on my phone. I have since printed it, so I did some pelvic tilts and the SB Rocker thingy which was all I could remember and called it a day.

Weigh in. I set the scale for 222 and step on it glaring impotently at the thing. It had better not even think about bitch slapping me. I then start sliding the counter weight down, passing last weeks mark (217lbs) and continuing, the scale ticks up at 214lbs!

I consider racing out to share the good news with Diablo but figure he and all the others might appreciate it if I dressed first. As I get dressed I'm kinda misty about this, I might actually get to my first goal of 207lbs (thirty pound weight loss) ahead of schedule!

Appropriately attired I approach Diablo, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure"

Well I can't!

THANK YOU BUBBLES
THANK YOU DIABLO
and most of all
THANK YOU WIFE!!!

for believing in me! Yay me - I just might pull this off!

Team Bubble-U Does it AGAIN!

Yep, once again the legendary Team Bubble-U brought it! First and foremost thanks to ALL of you who donated to the cause of fighting multiple sclerosis. I'll email instructions on getting off the dumb MS mailing list for those who donated online. I'm mildly irritated at that they ask us to form a team and then go and get donations and if someone donates online then they ask them to form a team and the email this year IMO has been pushy or just a lot of it.

Still it's a worthy cause and a NASTY disease so thanks so much!

I had a rough time sleeping last night due to my anticipation of the FUN MULCH! so everything about the prelude to the walk annoyed me. We had some women giving speeches while we milled around like so much cattle not listening. I almost lost it when she did a count down like it was a race or something. I wanted to enjoy the day and walk through the zoo for our two mile trek and get to the bling at the end of it.

The day was gorgeous and we saw some creatures that normally weren't active like the wolves and a red panda. We crossed the finish line being cheered by a group of Brownies, one gave me some beads! The rough economic times were mirrored by the bling this year. What I mean by that is there was only one pharmaceutical company that showed up and we picked up one of those pool backpacks and a pen, last year there were many more companies. I'm not complaining but it was interesting. Just cure the disease OK?

Panera bread provided some breakfast and that was great. It's interesting how this exercise thing is effecting me more and more. I walked past the chips and candy with a minor pang of want and got a banana, apple and blueberry bagel.

Because of your generosity our humble, unsponsored team raised $435!!! You ROCK!

Here's a map of our arduous two mile death march

We then went to my daughter's soccer game and when we returned the mulch was here!

I waited around all afternoon carbo-loading on beer waiting for you guys to show up for the Saturday FUN MULCH but I must have miscommunicated it in some way.

I meant THIS Saturday y'all NOT next Saturday!

Well, I'll just reschedule it for Monday after work, that way I can get word out - I'm sure we'll be in the mood for mulching then!

A brief glance at the McBeal poll tells me that Ally's lock on her name is looking a tad wobbly. Twenty percent of the people want wallFlower. Perhaps the tide is turning on her dark cabal.

The Ritual

Guess what I'm wearing, um, er doing? No, not that! I'm not even doing lunges God save my soul. I'm just typing away into my little manifesto without a thought of where it will take me.

If you think you've seen long rambling posts before, well you ain't seen nuttin' yet. So read or don't but I'll be honest, I hope you read, personally I'm wondering where this will take me.

I'm sitting out back on my patio, a gentle breeze blowing mostly from the North thank heavens. It's keeping the smoke from my little fire pit from blowing all over me. As I age I find myself increasingly grateful for these small gifts.

I've laid some monster logs on for this fire, far more than needed for this evening but come after later as my son use to express it I'll douse it with some water and use them again tomorrow or whenever. I'm fighting the urge to run downstairs and take my blood pressure, I'm that relaxed, I can feeeeeel it.

This is the first time since last fall that 'the ritual' feels right, turning my thoughts to spring and summer, I look no further down that path, autumn signaling the onset of 'the end' of summer frolic. The ritual is this, every nice enough for a firepit Friday I sit on my back patio and sip one or two fingers of very expensive single malt whiskey on ice and... write.

The Pizza Hut delivery guy has just come, the pizza is in the oven and I'm waiting for my wife to return from delivering my daughter to some Girl Scout event. I'll get to pick her up but again that's after later.

A fourth grade Japanese girl, lounging on her trampoline with her younger sister and a friend has just burst into an impromptu acapella version of America the Beautiful. In her heavy accent it's lovely, the way it's meant to be sung.

Not Emenem? It portends a glorious evening.

I look forward to the ritual because of the fire. The fire, its occasional pops, mild heat and soft light remind me of North Carolina and that draws my thoughts to my family, all of them, even my Grandmother who has nothing to do with North Carolina coming from Missouri with a show me attitude. I've seen my share of fires down in Carolina.

I burned my parents bed down once, forcing my father to drag it out onto the lawn so it didn't burn the house down getting a photo of the fiasco in the local paper, but that was in Iowa and a different story for a different day.

I just peeped out the wallFlower/McBeal poll and I see Ally has brought to bear her vast legal cabal, probably threatening all sorts of lawsuits or just a seriously cranky mood if she manages to get renamed. Currently there isn't a single vote for renaming her. She's also mention that a Zumba happy hour with Margaritas would get her to renounce her wall flower ways. How about it Bubbles?

Hmmmmm, how about this? I'm quite serious with this offer. I think it would be fun if all of you would drop by my house on a beautiful Friday evening and hang out by the fire pit with me. We can order pizza or celery or whatever, maybe a potluck and I'll fire up the grill and we can just hang.

allyMcBeal has a fetishistic interest in Miller High Life so I'll make sure to have lots of that on hand for her, and when she's had enough which I'm guessing will be one given her body mass I'll nod to Bubbles and Zumba music will flow from the speakers. Then Ally can live her dream of dancing the Zumba way!

I like this idea even if Ally wont dance (a Lou Reed song just sprang to mind, Sally Can't Dance) I like this idea so much that I'm going to approach both Ally's legal cabal and the FunRun coterie and see if I can get some traction on this. You don't throw that weight around lightly or approach them if you're not serious. They have ways of getting the word out apparently, of bringing pressure when its needed.

I hope I can make it happen, this is so pleasant that it should be shared. I'm thinking anyone who reads this blog or whoever just shows up, trainers, spouses and boy/girl friends - even that dude who just stares, any or all of us, gym rats to the mildly curious.

You up for that? I hope so. I think it would be oodles of fun! Help me make it happen.

I'll talk to some of you about it tomorrow during the SATURDAY FUN MULCH!

Well the sun has just dipped below the neighbor's house and the temperature has dropped. I'm going to get my finger or two of whiskey and sit next to my wife and watch her eat S'mores, listen to the ice tinkle in my glass as it melts and watch the day go by as my Uncle B use to say.

I trust your evening is as pleasant as mine.

Friday Fun Zumba!

First let's not forget The SATURDAY FUN MULCH!

Now IronMan and I showed up for Zumba and it turned out so did 18 others! But as the FunRun! folk began to enter and come out of the lockers they could not resist the Latin allure of Zumba and soon found themselves under its rhythmic sway.

JRock and wickedWoman partook as a warm up (you should have seen JRock and IronMan - get a room!) and others I don't know.

But did allyMcBeal dance?

No, so I'm considering renaming her to wallFlower. Perhaps I should have you help in the decision making process. Check the sidebar to the right and do your patrotic duty and VOTE.

In related news wallFlower Ally made her can count - THANKS for your help!

Saturday FUN MULCH!

Have you heard about the new exercise routine that's sweeping the nation??? It only happens once a year and it's at MY HOUSE!!!

The SATURDAY FUN MULCH!

This Saturday at 1PM ONLY ::glares at Diablo:: at Bill's house! NOT Diablo's!

• Intensive Cardio program: take a 40lb bag of mulch and run to one of the thousand flower beds my wife has - repeat until all the bags are gone
• Relaxing Lower Back cool down: Tear open the bag (good shoulder workout!) and spread the mulch all over the beds - repeat until all the bags are empty

BE THERE FOR THE WORKOUT OF THE YEAR!!!

I did the total body thing today and spoke with Diablo a bit about my ABS stuff. I got up very early and got through the routine OK. I'm in a much better mood than yesterday because I'm formulating a plan and we all know what a good planner I am! But honestly just trying to address my problems helps - so lets see how that goes.

I managed to do a total of thirty-four (one set of 20, second set 14) reverse SB crunches keeping in mind Bubbles, "Form over quantity" mantra. I did some standing supermans and am gonna tackle this thing :-)

Whatcha Gonna Do?

I sat in my office and pondered my ABS problem. I decided that I would start with two things:

1. Clean up the blog
2. Research AB routines

At first I was going to enlist Bubbles on this and had even sent her an email but I later retracted it. Like I bored on in The Reservation sooner or later it's on you. This is on me, Bubbles has already modified my Total Body Routine for more lower back and ABS work.

I also realized that it's not practical to expect any level of performance or improvement if I'm going to show up at ABS completely exhausted. I got what I deserved, in spades. So I have a scheduling problem at the moment. I can switch the Total Bodies to T-R-S and do the aerobic work on M-W-F but I want to think about it some.

On the research front I of course already had an ABS link on the sidebar. I'll eventually decide how to tackle that problem. It's Thursday evening and I've already started work cleaning up the blog sidebar and began preliminary research on ABS workouts. What it's going to come down to is just do it nimrod instead of sitting on a big comfy chair blogging thinking about doing it.
sigh At the moment I'm not in the mood - that's one of the things that's appealing about ABS, it was scheduled and there was a certain peer pressure in showing up for mutual suffering, a commitment I need to find a substitute for.

I also reacquainted myself with my goals and readjusted them into more of a priority order. Like the spin bike lady said - focus.

Bad Timing

I'm going to have to back off of ABS; this decision feels like one you want to be talked out of. I'm sorry I know I write monster posts which no one reads but here's the back story, I want to pour it out so I don't forget it.

I stroll into the gym pretty early seeing the ghost people, those that come in around 4am, I usually see them when they're climbing into their cars when I arrive. I'm early because I want to hang with IronMan since goodMood blew him off to mow lawns or something.

I choose an upright bike, set it for intervals level 7 and 45 minutes and go. The first 'hill' I'm just getting the feel for it and letting my muscles warm up a bit. I've noticed on these longer type workouts it takes about fifteen minutes for them to stop complaining, hush and just do it. I'm also taking the machine out of 'scan' and setting it for rpms, when I hit a 'hill' I want to hammer out a cadence of 100rpms and hold it. Each hill is three minutes and that's a bit of a drag, I try not to look at the clock but end up staring at it raptly as if my pain and desire to end it will speed it up.

By the third hill I'm into the flow of it and pouring myself into it wanting to make up for holding back on last Tuesday's tempo workout. I know that I must sound like a steam engine about to explode to those in the gym, wheezing and gasping for breath, I'm very anaerobic. For the middle three hills I hold my goal pretty well, keeping the cadence above 100rpms - really and sincerely pushing it for me. With around thirty seconds of the three minute hill left things would go gray around my vision while the center seemed to get clearer. I wish that was cool but its not, it felt like things were just going away, I couldn't hear the music in my ears, I couldn't tell I was breathing, all I could see was this one dot on the side of a Cybex machine in front of me. I didn't back off.

Then BAM! Rest time and everything snaps back, the pain, the ragged breathing and gasping, the "I don't wanna do this anymore" feelings. I'd sit way up on the bike, fighting to get my breathing back in control. Looking around, usually I'd feel like I was getting a grip when BAM! back up the hill trying for 100rpms.

By the sixth hill I had nothing left in my legs, they could hang in there around 95rpms and I'd try near the end of the three minutes to push them over the 100 mark and could but couldn't hold it - not a prayer. The dumb machine says I burned 400 calories, oh I beg to differ!

I carefully dismount not fully trusting my legs and wipe the machine down. I head into the bathroom not sure if puking is on the agenda or not, wipe my face with a paper towel and shoot the breeze with Kingsley who's done and is primping in front of the mirror.

Then back out to IronMan's RackRuns and Lets Destroy Those Shoulders! workout routine. We did lots of stuff, but in the end it took both Kojak and I to come close to goodMood. So we did Arnolds and I worked on the Smith machine and did five manhole cover on the lap dips with IronMan hovering nervously by (thanks!).

Then it was time for ABS, as I pass Bubbles I thought I was joking when I said, "I've just been through a pretty serious workout I'm just going to lay on the mat and bitch about ABS."

I can't even share all the stuff Bubbles did. I don't remember it. What I do remember is spending most of the time laying on my back not doing it, having nothing or my old pal monster lower back pain chiming in with a, "howdy, miss me?" I remember thinking I did forty of these reverse stability ball crunches yesterday and twenty of those standing supermans and I still can't get my fat ass off the floor holding that ball up between my ankles and don't even BOTHER asking me to hold something longer than a second.

I felt a rising rage, "Why can't I get through just one of these courses feeling like I accomplished it? Just ONE!" Others can and do. I felt... disappointment with myself.

I pondered these thoughts in the shower and reached the conclusion I'm not cut out for ABS for whatever reason I care to indulge myself with. I'm just tired of not being able to do most of it and don't feel like I'm making progress.

Hmmmm, major setback in the psychology department - I require a constantly improving core and lower back if I'm gonna make it on the bike. I must think on this and talk to Bubbles about it, maybe she can design some sort of ABS course for wimps and I can work my way back into the class. Right now I feel ashamed that I've failed in this but I don't think trying to hang is the answer.

Wonder how I'll deal?

I wrote the following last night...

Just to brighten your day with a bit of frivolity - check this out (thanks JRock!):

Make sure to click on the 'HQ' button for a better picture after hitting play!

My wife (I'm pondering a name for her) took Bubbles Strength and Tone class yesterday for the first time. She was bummed that a meeting stepped on Zumba which was the half-hour before it. As we were eating lunch she's staring at me with a shocked expression trying to describe the class, "Oh I felt that one!" pleased with her soreness. If she provides more detail I'll pass it on but right now she appears a bit shell shocked. She's not into the weight loss thing (like I am - if you've ever seen her you'd know why) but is very interested in gaining strength. She's hoping to be able to attend more of these types of classes, when her schedule permits.

How am I doing? I'm glad you asked! My descent into madness continues unabated. (Consider this a cry for help)

• Yesterday I actually piled more brocolli on my salad!
• I just put The New Rules of Lifting: Six Basic Moves for Maximum Muscle on reserve at the library having stumbled across something called Turbulence Training. Apparently I can lose weight and I'm sick of eying my gut every time I do one of Bubbles Lateral Lunge - MB Medial Flexion thingys.
• I'm in full scheme mode with bikerGirl and my wife about how we're going to handle the logistics of riding our bikes into work (well bikerGirl and I anyway, my wife is demuring on the bike commute thing) - I'm looking at adding an additional trunk pack to go along with my panniers to carry the extra gym stuff in.

So to recap, I'm eating more healthy crap then I ever imagined, beginning to read about fitness and scheming how to get even more exercise into my busy day by bike commuting. Dear sweet Lord will someone please slap me to my senses!!!

I've stumbled across previous Monthly Member Spotlights and have read all of them posted. Some of the folk I don't know, but Marathon Man, tireTosser and awesomeGirl I've read yours and even though they are inspiring I fully plan to use them against you. Just a little head up there.

Bill bikes to the gym and work carrying only the essentials

The Reservation

I hunkered down and watched The Biggest Loser last night, probably not the best episode to catch. I was hoping to get a preview of the IronMan Stunt of the Week but doubted that I'd find him in the basketball court stringing lines for his reenactment of the canyon crossing. He didn't, he didn't even wear in a tux for the makeover reenactment, but his hair was to die for!

I think I'm going to have issues with the show and its artificial drama. I burned out on 'reality' TV during the lost Real World decade and when I caught the son confronting the father snippet about how he could get so fat or some such nonsense well some might have thought the healing has begun. I busted a gut. I also guffawed when they carried stress fracture girl to the scale. Please, the fake drama, lose it.

What I was hoping to see was more in the gym action. My psychosis is so deep that for me that would be interesting. I was watching them do push ups on some wobbly thing and thinking, "fun." Some hopping about. It was called the Final something or other but I have no idea what the routine was, or even if there was one. Knowing the routines would be major cool!

I know what I don't want, last night's episode. Not sure what I do want but more information would be good! I think what would make an awesome show would be when that father/son team returns to the son who was left behind and seeing how they do with no trainer, no six hours in the gym and access to equipment only through a gym membership. You know like the rest of us. It's like this time I was watching this home improvement show and they're laying a hardwood floor after tearing up an older one or something and using some fairly fancy tools to do it. I'm thinking, "OK, now do it with a hammer and a butter knife, that's what I've got." I wish the contestants well and I hope the son left behind can do it, if he wants, you gotta want it.

ponyTail and goodMood are gabbing about one of the fallen this morning. He came out of the gates strong but recently has wandered off the reservation. They're talking about how they keep asking him when he's coming back and what not. It doesn't sound good to me. ponyTail teases me that he stopped coming because I didn't name him in my blog. I promise to name him if he shows back up. It's on him.

It's like quitting smoking, there's oodles of help and encouragement out there but bottom line is you have to want it. I'm beginning to think part of the trick is the old bait and switch. You're giving something up for doing this sort of thing. It might be cigs, or staying up late, or lounging on the couch in the evenings but you're replacing one set of activities with another. I think its a bit easier if you swap out something your bored with or no longer wish to do with this exercise thang. You'll have made time for it automatically.

But I'll be frank, at least in my case, something's gotta give in the time department. For me it was staying up late. I'm usually in bed by 9pm (except when I decide to catch The Biggest Loser) so that I can get up early enough to get to the gym.

Then suddenly it becomes routine, a new habit. This is what I do now, without a thought.

goodMood has decided to take tomorrow off, this has thrown IronMan into a bit of a panic and he's telling me that I have to come in early tomorrow so that I can get "whatever goofy thing I'm doing on the bike" out of the way and do RackRuns! with him.

I'm honored. I'll be there.

If it was Friday (Zumba) I'd be wearing this little number. The site assures me that I'll, "Style yourself out in these bright, fun and comfortable shorts!" Oh will goodMood and IronMan gnash their teeth in jealous rage when I take the floor in this, styling myself right out of the closet! ::evil cackle::

Even with all of Bubbles talk of men doing Zumba I'm finding a dearth of virile attire for it. Compromises have to be made I guess. I'll also have to get a tattoo apparently, maybe a hunky rubber ducky? You know a real threatening one! Your thoughts?