ZUMBA! What's THAT All About?

I don't feel like I get much of a workout from it - anonymous
I don't sweat this much on the bike! - IronMan

Opinions vary, like they do on everything.

My reminder goes off fifteen minutes before class and I head to the car for my stuff. Entering the gym I see Bubbles and a few ladies standing around. Bubbles shows me a newspaper clipping from her volleyball days in college, brows furrowed, her face scrunched in total concentration, pigtails... pigtails?

"It's how I got my nickname in college," she explains.

There's a corresponding article that goes with the picture and I'm dying to read it. I ask Bubbles to post the article at the gym (so I can read it when I have more time). She might do it, I hope she does.

Here's what the pic looked like, you know... if you took enough mescaline...

Bubbles has the TV on and she points to some skinny dude on the screen saying, "See Bill! Guys do Zumba!"

mmhmm

I go into the empty men's locker room, suit up and stand nervously at the back of the class wondering where IronMan was. He promised - the fiend!

More and more women are entering the gym, some I know, most I don't. When surrounded by this much estrogen my apprehension rises. I'll probably be sacrificed in some bizarre ritual. Where are you IronMan?

Bubbles marches to the front of the class and announces she's going to show us some basic steps, the merengue I think.

Where is IronMan??!!

Bubbles is explaining the basic step which weirdly reminds me of the hokey-pokey. Something about putting one foot in front of the other and I'm following along figuring yeah I can handle this when suddenly and without warning Bubbles goes all...

wiggly.

She's babbling about hips and arm movements and quickly things got complicated.

Where is the pansyIronMan??!!

More and more women are entering the gym and Bubbles is ready to roll. Latin music blares from the speakers and finally the door opens and there is the not-so-pansyIronMan being escorted by JRock who looks quite comfortable in her warden role, bringing another lamb to the slaughter.

We're doing this dance step to the music and I'm rapidly lost but not frustrated the way ABS can get to me after awhile. I can't do it but it's still fun. At the moment I'm just lost, can't hear the music although every now and then some singer will call out "Zumba!", totally focusing on Bubbles' feet and trying to keep up, I'm to the point of doing almost the exact opposite of what the class is doing. If they're going left I'm headed East.

Finally IronMan is at my side! Thank God! I can't carry the banner alone and high five him. We face the sea of shaking hips and flapping arms and IronMan just dives in. It focuses me some, he's got the spirit of the thing, if you're gonna do it, do it - even if you can't.

I notice my wife towards the front of the class, off to the left. She's given me fairly stern instructions about not knowing her during the class. She's mortified I'm going to embarrass her in some manner. She's right to be concerned but I'll behave.

IronMan is laughing, not at the class but at himself. I catch myself doing the same thing. You can't help but giggle when you're that uncoordinated. We're both starting to sweat and Bubbles is explaining a dance. I can't recall which one but it would go something like this. You'd start with a step like crossing one leg in front of the other, tapping your toe three times and then do it with the other leg. Then some sort of step but then you move your hips in a figure eight (just a heads up here gals but boy's hips don't do that) and do a 'shoulder pop' and she'd show you that along with some other move. She'd study you in the mirror and say, "That's it!" (once I called her on that asking, "Who are you looking at?").

Then she'd scurry (yes, Bubbles scurries) over to the stereo grinning ear to ear and start the music. This aint no waltz folks and you're off to the races. Everything she just explained, now do it, really fast!

You might think that sucks. You're wrong, it's really FUN!

wickedWoman drops in for... well... some reason, just had an urge to check on the lockers I guess. Nah, she wants to see how IronMan and I are holding up. We try and get her to join in and she looks a bit Zumba-curious, saying something like she might in the future.

As the class progresses the steps get more complex. At one point IronMan punted and I joined him in doing some impromptu jumping jacks but then it was back to it. It's more fun to try.

Bubbles is doing something wiggly and we're trying to follow along but she's realizing she might be having too much fun so she's yakking about your 'core' and keeping 'your belly-button pulled in.' Trying to sound like a trainer.

::rolls eyes::

Look, Zumba does that stuff for you and you can pay heed to it I suppose but that's not what I took away from it. I'm a clutz, an uncoordinated lout with the stability of a drunk. If Zumba is going to improve anything in me it will be my coordination, balance and rhthym, and that's enough, and worth it.

Plus one lousy course and I'm already entertaining the idea of taking my wife out dancing.

I've NEVER considered that. It just might be, perhaps, fun.

I glance over at my wife, careful not to make eye contact and she's doing it. This is her third or forth class but that buttercup is keeping up but most importantly, she's grinning. I wanna take her dancing.

You should see Bubbles teach this class. It's quite obvious she loves Zumba and loves teaching it. She's some sort of (certified?) Zumba instructor, and yeah she can move her hips in a figure eight while doing some compicated arm motion and dance step at the same time.

I would love to see her at some Latino bar being called out on the floor by that harpy Maria who thinks cornbread Bubbles doesn't know jack about dance and watching her face when Bubbles brings it! There it is, you wanna learn Zumba from someone who knows it? Bubbles is your gal.

And I think I do. I've been in this exercise gig for about three months or so and this is new and way different. I'm going to make time for it. It teaches things that I can't get from the other routines while adding a mess-o-fun.

Try it once why dontcha and see what you think.

How would Bubbles describe Bill's performance?

Godlike, a natural, born to it, phenomenal, stupendous, remarkable? - none of that applies silly. But maybe, just maybe, like my sweet wife in a few classes (or more realistically eighty) I can begin to keep up.

Later in the day I got an invite from Bubbles for her Zumba for Beginners class. I forwarded it to IronMan, that dude needs help!