"I just got fed up with it all, you know?"I'm running around the gym in the midst of my total body simultaneously getting the scoop.
"So you quit?"
wickedWoman shoves another Ho-Ho in her mouth and pauses to think, "Look, after awhile it just wears you down, the infighting, the egos, it just goes on and on... I had enough, I got tired of being the moody one." She rolls her eyes, "I'm not moody!"
"Are you talking about the FunRun crew?"
"DON'T EVEN get me started on those $##@&(*s!!! Do you know how many hamstrings I pulled and ankles I twisted trying to keep up with princessLongLegs?!... How can any human match that stride? If I see one more ice pack I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO SCREAM!"
"Keep it down!" I stage whisper, others were starting to look over at us.
She's muttering while rummaging around in her gym bag, boxes of Ho-Hos and bags of Doritos falling to the floor, her hair cascading around her face as she intently searches for something.
"Well I don't need that anymore! No wonder this bag weighs a ton." A frozen water bottle flies across the room nailing Kojak in the back of the head. He stumbles into ponyTail and both bang into the bar on the Assisted Smith Machine wailing in pain.
"Nor THAT thank God! But you know all about that dontcha?" she giggles while sailing a sports bra across the gym that wraps around IronMan's ankles like a bolas. He trips crushing goodMood's thighs with a manhole cover he was carrying causing goodMood to reflexively smash a dumbbell into IronMan's shoulder pulverizing it. Screams begin to fill the gym.
"That's a heart rate monitor strap! SHEESH!"
"You just keep telling yourself that precious. Is it always so noisy in here? It's much quieter in the afternoon." She drops her finger from running down my spine, murmuring "mmhmm" as it crosses the heart rate monitor strap before calling out triumphantly, "Here they are!" pulling a pack of Marlboro Reds from her gym bag.
"You can't smoke that in here!" I gasp, horrified.
"I KNOW that, but there's no law saying I can't let a cig dangle from my lips, is there?!"
"Um, no ... not yet anyway."
"Now what did you do that got me so upset? Oh yeah... the FunRun crew! The things I could tell you!"
"Oh really? Do tell." My journalistic instincts coming online.
"I can't."
"Wwwwhhhyyyyyyy???" I ask, trying hard not to whine.
"You'll blog it."
"I will NOT!" I reply, appalled at her presumption. I pretend to adjust my iPod, turning on the recorder, the people have a right to know after all.
"Will too!"
"NOT!"
"TOOOOOOOOOO!"
"NOTTTTTTTTTT!!!"
"OK then! You know about the hatred between McBeal and JRock, right?"
"Nope," actually I may have stirred the pot a bit on that one.
"Mmhmm, when Ally blew off that FunRun claiming it was too cold JRock called her a 'pansy' so Ally got pissed and said she was gonna kick JRock's ass on the FunRun hill. They haven't spoken since! They communicate through girlyBike now, "girlyBike would you tell JRock to bring in that report please." And JRock will say, "girlyBike please tell AllyMcBeal I'm on the phone and it will be a minute!" I feel sorry for girlyBike, what did she do?!"
"You don't say!"
"I do say. And then there's the jealousy between princessLongLegs and coolChick. Boy is that ugly! Whenever they're in public they 'pretend' to be friends, but its just a sham."
"What happened?"
"Someone started a rumor that coolChick's Power Walk form was better than longLegs. No one in their right mind will act as a judge to settle it no matter how much they beg. Now all they do is bicker about it. You think they're talking to each other on the FunRun but it's a bunch of bicker on who's form is better! Bicker, bicker, bicker, you'd think they were married if you heard them." wickedWoman shakes her head sadly, "You see why I quit?"
"Oh yeah."
"Have you noticed that Spidey and Diablo are never in a room at the same time?" She smiles, well, wickedly.
I consider this revelation, "You're right..."
"Look, I gotta go smoke this," she says, sniffing the cigarette delicately.
"You're really getting into this quitting thing aren't you?"
"wickedWoman NEVER does anything half-assed!" She replies while stepping over goodMood. As she passes Bubbles she asks, "When do the bars open?"
"Jake's is open now," says Bubbles, kneeling by ponyTail wrapping a bandage around her head not even looking up.
wickedWoman never looked back, but then again, she wouldn't would she? She's not that kind of a girl.
Happy April Fools Day everyone!
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