CRISES for McBeal!!!

Team McBeal was thrown into disarray as the polls closed deadlocked 50% for McBeal and 50% for the new name, wallFlower! A shaken JRock, wiping tears from her eyes says, "She won't come out of her office! Occasionally she'll buzz of more Miller High Life but that's about it. She's pouring over case law muttering, 'the voters have spoken, the bastards!' over and over..."

But first a word from our sponsors.

Does your blood BURN for service projects?!

Hi, I'm Bill and do I have a service project for YOU! I have a driveway full of wet, heavy mulch and I need your help in moving it! ALLLLL OF IT! So this Saturday I'm having the first annual BYOB Fun Mulch. That's Bring Your Own Bag because we're not sure we ordered enough and it's a pain to have to go to the local hardware store for more. We prefer the pricey Scotts stuff since you're paying for it.

So let me be clear this time, I want no confusion on your part OK?

Bring Your Own Bag Fun Mulch, Saturday, May 25th in the year of our Lord 2009 at 9AM local time.

Thanks! I'll send Office Invites too as soon as I figure out how to disable the 'Tentative' and 'Decline' buttons.

My phone rings. When I answer a drunken voice slurs, "I demand a recount!!!" followed by garbled legal jargon and a bunch of citations I carefully jot down on a notepad - U.S. v. Carroll Towing Co., Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad Co., and Ybarra v. Spangard. Then the line goes dead.

Weighty stuff. But case law has been cited and heavy drinking is involved so my hands are tied.

I'll do the recount and get back to you, a bunch of former Al Gore attorneys and UN observers with their silly blue helmets are in my office at that moment, reading this as I type it.

Today is full of evil omens. My alarm goes off scaring The Mulch Fairy away with his whispered, empty promises and I struggle out of bed. I'm sore and I don't wanna seems to be my morning mantra. I grab my stuff, toss it in the trunk and head to the gym, today is weigh in - GROAN!

I stand in front of the gym door fumbling through my gym bag my heart rapidly sinking. Yep, yep, I forgot my badge. I lean on the buzzer hoping to roust the ghostPeople from their ephemeral workouts but to no avail. As my little bald pinhead gets wetter in the rain I reach a decision, climb back in the car at 5:15am and get my badge. As I grab the silly thing off the dresser I am sorely tempted to just bag it and joining my wife back in bed, she looks positively yummy all snuggled in like that. I also grab my forgotten binkie (water bottle) and head back to the gym.

As I drive back I ponder two things, one why am I doing this? Answer, I don't know. Two, maybe the trainers should consider carrying around real binkies for when I get too fussy during some workout just to shut me up and regulate my breathing. Deep thoughts on a Monday morning.

I reply to a text from my coolCousin in the locker room. Her Marathon is coming up on 25 April and I need details. I'm so proud of her for trying this, I know she'll complete it.

I see a soaked in sweat marathonMan over on a recombinant and we shoot the breeze on the ever lasting install that's been going on since Sunday. He looks tired. I start my total body at about ten till six.

The gym rapidly fills up, everyone charged with energy since they blew off the Fun Mulch I guess. goodMood, Kojak, ponyTail, awesomeGirl, dennisHopper, davidBeckham and the fallen dude I mentioned earlier. If he keeps this up I'll have to name him, perhaps wallFlower or allyMcBeal since one of those names should be available. There were quite a few others in there too, a bunch of guys getting ready for speedo season I reckon.

I hammer through the total body not into it but getting it done. Bubbles came through with her utterly awesome ABS Routine for Sissies Who Can't Handle the Real ABS Class or ARSWCHRAC for short but I can't get an internet connection in the gym so I can't look it up on my phone. I have since printed it, so I did some pelvic tilts and the SB Rocker thingy which was all I could remember and called it a day.

Weigh in. I set the scale for 222 and step on it glaring impotently at the thing. It had better not even think about bitch slapping me. I then start sliding the counter weight down, passing last weeks mark (217lbs) and continuing, the scale ticks up at 214lbs!

I consider racing out to share the good news with Diablo but figure he and all the others might appreciate it if I dressed first. As I get dressed I'm kinda misty about this, I might actually get to my first goal of 207lbs (thirty pound weight loss) ahead of schedule!

Appropriately attired I approach Diablo, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure"

Well I can't!

THANK YOU BUBBLES
THANK YOU DIABLO
and most of all
THANK YOU WIFE!!!

for believing in me! Yay me - I just might pull this off!