Mediocre Tempo Tuesday

I'm tired. I always come in to this tempo gig with high expectations and as I start to work they rapidly dwindle into a conflicted pile of ash. What I mean by that is my target HR is suppose to be 144 and when I'm fully engulfed in my morning fantasies I'm thinking, "Today I shall have an average HR of 150bpms over forty-five minutes!"

The elliptical is looking at me doubtfully. The thing is I get on the blasted machine and if I come out of the gates too fast I'll flame out in about ten minutes, if I ramp up too slow then I'll have to spend seven hours on the machine trying to get the average HR up to the goal.

I hate the Garmin, stupid little instrument of the devil... always watching me making sure I don't cheat.

Anyway, there's an art to this tempo workout and I've already forgotten the benefit of it. Why am I doing this? Hold on a sec, I'm tuning in Google... well that was a big fat help ::glares at Google and its twelve billion non-helpful hits::

I'm doing it because Bubbles told me to do it and so that's why! The benefit is that Bubbles says to do it and if I don't she'll kick my butt.

Bubbles is going to kick my butt anyway, oh yeah, I'm in BIG trouble with Bubbles, I lost faith and took young, sweet, innocent Kojak down the path of damnation with me. Well I wont be alone in hell huh Kajak ol' pal and buddy of mine! ::bats eyes::

I'll get to that later.

I fire up the elliptical, plug in the ear buds and start hammering it out. I have the machine on manual and work my way up to level 12 over the first five minutes. At that point I have a HR of around 150 but it fluctuates down to 144 and up to 152 or so. I now start watching the average HR indicator on the evil Garmin praying it will start ticking up to the target average HR, if I can get it there then it's simply keeping my HR above it and I'm home free. Well except for the work - sigh.

The foul Garmin is ticking up at about the speed I ascend that FunRun hill, not at all. I'm staring out from my plodding purgatory, trying to keep the sweat from my eyes and reminding myself for the nine millionth time to bring in a bandanna, at all the people having fun!

goodMood and IronMan are in their free weight playground yakking and having fun. ponyTail looks like she couldn't be having a better time on that treadmill and awesomeGirl is just grinning ear to ear while doing some sort of warm up routine.

They're even talking to each other! Darn it! Stefani's Hollaback Girl comes on and I have to smile at the lyrics. I'm near the halfway mark and I want to hop off the dumb elliptical and go play with everyone else!

Covered in sweat I plod on.

I know I'm holding back and despise myself a bit for that. I've got ABS coming up and I'm using that as a mental excuse. Do you see how sad I've become? I've already settled for an average HR of 143, sigh.

I'm going to lay out a careful plan of assault for next Tuesday - the goal will be an average HR of 150 over forty-five minutes. goldieLocks told me once (he was speaking about business but it's more of a universal truth) we should be permitted to FAIL! I'm not going to try and fail but I'm going to try and come off the machine absolutely spent and see where that leaves me for ABS.

As time wound down The Cranberries Zombie came on. It was a perfect close for the routine. I do the cool down and stagger off the machine in a slight zombie daze. I clean the machine up and go sit in the lobby a bit embarrassed with my phoned in performance. Four miles, 640 calories burned.

But I feel my self destructive tendencies starting to rise, I must destroy myself next Tuesday starting with intervals on Thursday. I loathe intervals but I love the feeling when they're done.

I mostly hang in the lobby looking at the clock wondering if Bubbles will make it in time. I envision her in some high speed car chase racing across town, I envision her stuck in traffic. Given my elliptical performance I'm not feeling exactly motivated and cave to the need to whine about it in my blog here.

I turn to Kojak who's practically glowing with cherubic innocence. I head for the lockers and he follows me... poor lost soul.

After the refreshing shower I peek into the gym. Eeeeeeekkkkk!!! Bubbles is there, surrounded by her true believers. She sees me (DRAT!) and waves a little wave and grins a little grin that silently promises vengeance for my doubting ways come Thursday. I can only pray she doesn't learn of my despicable influence on Kojak! You guys wont rat me out, right?

GULP!