I again dawdled in the locker room toying with the idea that I could just tell everyone what a great workout I had. Sigh, yes it has already come to this. I wonder if sitting in the sauna counts but decided no and I head out to the gym.
A buddy of mine is already on one of the elliptical trainers. He's somewhat of an inspiration to me since he was at one time near as flabby as I am. This October he finished a marathon. He's quite skinny now. I once asked him how he did it and he told me exercise and V8 for breakfast and lunch.
Now, I think I'm pretty gungy about this weight loss thing but I don't want to be reduced to drinking a V8 - the point for me is to lose weight and still keep eating.
I climb up on a different elliptical machine next to the one Marathon Man is using and start futzing about while he runs next to me. The machine has all sorts of buttons and options and I pick my trational 'Fat Burner' and answer its other stupid questions before it tosses down the gauntlet.
27 minutes 45 seconds... or are you a pansy?
An interesting number. About twice what I've been attempting to date. This is also a machine where I have yet to cross five minutes on. I mutter, with a "it's a good day to die" look on my face, "Bring it!"
Now by minute five I'm in the range the trainer wants me to be at and by minute ten I'm past it and stay outside of the range for eighteen minutes, above it but not where I should be I guess.Is that wrong? I don't know. I'm pretty proud of that chart though, it's the first time since I started this insanity that it felt like a workout. around minute 12 I started to seriously and unattractively sweat (why is it that girls get sexy and boys get gross with the whole sweat thing?). Its rolling down my face, drip drip drip. I'll have to wear a bandanna. I have no iPod or anything like that to keep me company, just my ever decreasing mental acuity. I'm 80% convinced that exercise does NOT make you smarter, infact it might make you dumber or bring on Alzheimer's faster with this increased metabolism business.
I have no idea what I was thinking through this ordeal except 'keep going.' I wasn't envious of Marathon Man who was just flying next to me - I was staring at my little heart monitor trying not to work too hard so that I could go the distance. At the halfway mark I was certain I wouldn't make it, but I did :-) and then the cool down period of five minutes where I couldn't seem to get my heart rate low. The machine had to remind me to keep pedaling a couple of times. It was tough. I went 2.2 miles in that time :-)
I stagger off the machine sorta grinning at my goofy gait. I always seem to come off these machines feeling drunk and unable to work my legs properly. Marathon Man is still flying along and I wave at him for some unknown reason before heading into the locker room.
Someone has turned on the suana. Hmmmmmm, why not? It might help with the incipient soreness. I grab a towel and head in. I come back out and check the dial. Someone has set it for slow bake at about 200F I crack it down to 180F and go back in. There's some People magazine lying there, I take off my glasses and pick it up. It's so hot I can't even hold it. I sit sullenly on my towel, bitter that I'll never know why Brad and Angelina told Jen to shut up. After about ten or fifteen minutes I'm sweating pretty good, place my glasses on and head out.
I don't even make it to the door, which is about three feet away before eeeking out a little shriek of pain and learning my next lesson on the road to getting healthy.
Glasses get REALLY hot in the sauna! I'm tossing them from hand to hand as I exit the room. Sheesh.
Tomorrow I'll do the bike and alternate back and fourth until the trainer kicks out my program.
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