Sunday - Stairway to TERROR!

Bill grimly studies the Friday Fun Run terrain

I actually try and sleep in today. I'm up at six, my need to go to the gym driving me out of the bed. There's no question, I fall into The Addictive Personality category but I am allowed to take the day off, I just don't wanna.

On the drive in there's some radio show on where they're talking about diabetes, a disease I think I'll try and take a pass on - it doesn't sound like fun, you know like heroin addiction does. I'm thinking I'll do twenty on the upright bike to continue prepping for the summer of longer bike rides when the radio dude practically begs, "If you'd just exercise for thirty minutes every three days you can cut your risk of getting diabetes fifty percent." I mentally uptick the time on the bike from twenty to thirty.

The gym is oddly empty at this late hour, but this allows me to practice for my inevitable American Idol appearance. I do keep the tempo light and with an average HR of 111 I'm below 65% no matter what my max HR is so I'm wondering why my legs burn while writing this entry. I'm guessing its because my bike muscles aren't there yet. My breathing is light allowing for a Grammy winning rendition of American Pie. I quite enjoyed singing that!

When I hop off the bike I seriously wince in pain. I think my Coccyx (tailbone) is inflamed and in typical male fashion I've been hoping it just goes away, for the last six months or so. It only acts up when I sit on something like a bike seat, which is exactly what I want to do. Another thing to put on the list to annoy my doc about.

After doing a million other things I grab my intrepid wife and we head out to look over the Friday Fun Run course. I bring the Garmin so that I can take measurements along with a camera so that I can study this course in detail. Looking at the map it presents itself as a simple loop but it is rife with SUBTLETY!

Controversy seems to swirl around the Friday Fun Run like it was an Illinois Governor. I'm getting it from both sides one camp telling me it's fun if you're into near death experiences and another saying it's fun for the companionship and encouragement.

What's an overweight, out of shape, middle-aged dork to do? Why peep it out of course! What was described by the weather intelligentsia as flurries turned out to be a pretty good snow, but I remained undeterred though my wife mentioned at every chance she could that she wanted to do this YESTERDAY!

Last Friday I received an email from a faithful reader who knows the REAL story on the Friday Fun Run because she's done it, a lot. I read it with interest and then forward it to my trainer asking if I can substitute this for my Friday total body routine. Secretly I know when my trainer learns of all the horrors detailed in the letter she'll never EVER permit me to put my frail body through such a baptism of fire!

I've decided to intersperse the reader's comments (edited to protect the wicked) with what I observed.

Start the power walk to the River from the loading doc. Some walk faster than others, but everyone walks with a buddy. It just happens! (Of course there are still some that might choose to run there (i.e., The Machine). The walk to the River is just over 1 mile.

We gather at the top of the stairs and head down the stairs single file. The goal is to go up the stairs (think just over 60 steps) as hard as your fitness level will allow you…taking 1 step at a time. The rest will be when you take the stairs down. We try to do this 4 times.

Stairway looking down.

They're impressive. There are actually seventy four steps, my autism making me count.

Stairway looking up.

The Garmin tells me it's about a 50 foot drop from the top to the bottom. The boardwalk described below can be made out under the bridge arch.

Then, comes the hill. This hill is pretty steep (not gonna lie to ya!) and is located on the other side of the bridge. It is steep, but not very long… 50 – 60 yards? The interval is to go up this hill has hard as your fitness level will allow. The cool down is the walk back to the bottom. The walk is taking the street back to the bridge, cross the boardwalk under the bridge and take the stairs back down. The goal is the same… 4 times. Believe me no one cares if an individual cannot make all 4 times.

The Hill. The snow doesn't do it justice.

When everyone is done with the hill work, we all meet at the bottom of the stairs and divide in groups. The stairs are broken up by platforms. We do a set of exercises at each platform… usually only 10 reps, for example, jumping jacks..

Then when we are all at the top, we start the walk back. When the weather is better and dry, we usually opt to walk back through the Shawnee Falls trail.

When we get back to work, most of us do a quick ab workout before we hit the showers.

So, there you have it.

As you know, drama follows me like a groupie whenever I consider exercise. As I'm pondering the email I'm carefully trudging up the stairs since there's this thick layer of ice below the snow, my wife hanging back wishing to further investigate the park. I'm halfway up the last set of risers clutching the snow covered railing, glad I have gloves on when this woman appears at the top of the stairs holding a bag of bread and asking if there are any ducks or geese below. I don't know. As she's passing me on the right she slips and starts to go down emitting a startled shriek like she just got goosed.

I suffer one of those horrible man moments because I instantly realize that if I'm going to save her I'm going to have to reach across her... chest. I sincerely don't want her to think I'm the legendary boobie grabber of River whatever park we're in so I'm pausing. Everything is in slow-mo and she's staring at me like the damned with huge saucer eyes, falling. I mentally sigh and decide that possibly ruffling her feathers and getting maced is better than seeing her seriously hurt. I reach across and support her. Thank heavens for parkas and gloves, all is well, her honor intact.

Here's a little heart chart of me walking the course, going down the steps and then up the hill.

What cracks me up about it is I'm crawling up the hill, MAYBE maxing out at 1.5mph and my heart rate climbs to 118bpm. I can't wait to find out what attempting to run up it will do!

Too bad my trainer will forbid it... wistful sigh...

I stare at her response to my email:

Go For It, Bill -- after you get those new shoelaces.

I one upped her and bought new shoes :-)

I can't wait to try this but I think I'm gonna have to take a half day afterward to recup!

I doubt if I can 'man up' but I'm certain I can 'whine up.' Count me in.