Turn it UP

My sister was kind (?) to me and took me and my son to her gym. We were on a mission to try something I had only heard about - spin class. The class was an hour and fifteen minutes long but we arrived a little late so it was only about an hour long for us.

After we were 'processed' (money exchanged hands - thanks sis!!!) we went down this well lit hallway and into this dimly lit room, like a bar... um... so I've read. Once the door was opened I was greeted by this wall of music. Heavy beat stuff that I equate with 'techno' or 'rave.' Picture a room about 2/3 the size of our gym filled with around thirty upright bikes. At the head of the room was a female instructor around Bubbles age but with monster bicycle thighs facing the class on her own bike. They're already hard at work and at first I was afraid we wouldn't find a bike, it was that full.

The instructor is wearing one of those McDonalds 'may I take your order' headsets and has an iPod plugged into the sound system. The music is quite loud, driving. She's custom made the entire soundtrack of the music having the tempo and beat represent various stages of the ride, tailored to last the exact amount of time of the entire workout. Her instructions come over the music but never mutes it.

Some of the bikes have pedals for those who have spuds and we find three that have cages along the left wall. The bike looked mostly like this one but didn't have the water bottle cage, instead had some sort of basket between the handlebars that held the water and more of a 'granny' seat.

I get on the bike and it's sized for me thank heavens, my son and sister get on theirs and I tune in the instructor.

There's not much to the bike. It's far more stable feeling than the uprights in the gym, I didn't feel wobbly at all standing up on the thing, and the red knob increased the tension (difficulty) in turning to the right and dialed it back turning it left.

I'm a little worried because I'm already entering the fray without warming up. Too bad, so sad. So I start peddling like mad, trying to get a feel for the thing. The instructor is giving a brief talk about form. Keep your belly button in (reminds me of someone, who? Waves at Bubbles) back straight and shoulders down (relaxed). You can have your hands on two different parts of the handlebars, but just your hands, if you rest your forearms on the bars then your back will pay the bill later. She'd periodically ask for you to take your hands off the bar to demonstrate you weren't putting too much weight on the bars.

The class was humping up a 'hill' when we started, all standing up out of the saddle hammering the pedals at a high cadence. I was 'jerky' standing up, not fluid. The motion felt a lot like a cross between the elliptical and the stair climber. I think the flywheel added to the jerky feeling for me, as opposed to a real bike, I also think it's something you get better at with practice.

My thighs quickly started complaining. It was something I had to push through into that weird state where it seems like my muscles say, "Well I can see you you're not going to listen to me!" before throwing a hissy and entering this kind of resigned passive-aggressive numbness.

The instructor is explaining the knob, the following commands having certain meanings.

• Turn it up - turn the knob one quarter to one half turn to the right.
• Tweak it up - turn the knob only a little to the right
• Dial it back - turn the nob to the left one quart to one half to the left.

I had to immediately turn the knob up or I'd free wheel in the standing position. The instructor, who I started think of as The Wicked Witch of the West or Elphaba for short was trying to get us to visualize the course when she wasn't blabbing, "Your hearts are thanking you for this."

mmhmm, my heart is doubtful and my thighs aren't at all grateful.

"Turn it UP"

I'm sweating about five minutes into it. Per the norm I don't know what I'm doing so I'm watching the instructor closely trying to match her cadence. She's droning on about pushing and pulling as if that is going to help maximize the use of my quads and calves. I know what she means but I'm not feeling the pulling. It was funny but my calves didn't 'feel it' until the following day.

"Turn it UP"

We sit down and that takes a lot of the burn out of my thighs.

"Dial it back"

I glance around the room, there's one lady who's either grinning or grimacing, maybe both. Some dude has a truly impressive puddle under his bike, I'm hoping he took an entire water bottle and poured it all over himself, otherwise, ew! The guy to the right of me has seriously bought into the whole simulated bike ride thing, he's in bike shorts, shirt, logos, all of it. He also looks like he knows what he's doing and can keep up so I can't roll my eyes too much about it.

My son and sister are hanging better than I am. My sister does these classes a lot and my son is fourteen so its sort of expected. I try not to get too depressed but I always seem to be worst in class and it can wear on the soul after awhile. Wait a minute! Across the room is some tall, skinny brunette who's just sitting in the saddle slowly pedaling just looking around not even trying. She doesn't count - darn it!

I'm still spinning but I'm spending more time in the saddle than out. I'm dying by degrees, slowly heading into the light. Elphaba is helping emitting soft 'whoops' of encouragement. She's right, death is preferable to this high heart rate hell and the light is so pretty. It's a good day to die.

Why is my son waving at me?

I snap back to reality. Both my sister and son are laughing at me. Confused I watch my sister get off the bike for some reason. She pulls out a cell phone and snaps this picture, confused I manage to fake a smile:

Other than the sweat this picture bares no resemblance to reality.
Unknown woman in negligee behind me

She's disappointed since I managed to wipe the near death expression off my face. I'm certain my death mask will bring many a chuckle. I'm glancing around, blinking the flash out of my eyes and coming back to 'the now.'

Elphaba is demanding that we "dail it back" and sprint across this flat part of the 'course.' She's tucked into the bike, nice form and hammering out an ungodly cadence. She want's nothing BUT maximum heart rate and I try to comply. The heart chart doesn't look like I did it though, the first shock to the system being the highest HR but I'm guess I'm close. Who knows? Awhile back 144bpm was killing me.

We get a two second rest break for water and to catch our breath...

"Turn it UP"

And we're going at a slow cadence up a hill. My cadence is too high but I REALLY don't want to turn it UP any higher. My thighs are shot and I sit back into the saddle, staring over at the clock.

Thirty minutes left - sigh.

Elphaba is getting way into it now. Her form is probably spot on for a spinner but I don't think for a bike, she's rocking heavy to the left, then the right in time with the music. She's whispering "pushhhhhh" waits a few beats, goes up a half octave and then "pullllll" - sheesh.

She manages to tell me something useful, another aspect of exercising/training that I hadn't considered. F-O-C-U-S When you push it that hard it's easy to (for me anyway) 'to go into the light' and forget cadence, keeping my belly button in, and just stare around goofy.

It's done and so am I, she then has us do some some stretches against the bike which felt pretty good.

I went back to my sister's place, showered and took a looonnnngggg nap :-)