Total DRAMA Weigh-IN!

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. The month has passed by my droogs, time to update the ol' sidebar with new goals, but I have much to tell you oh my brothers and only friends.

sigh - I see I'm still suffering from the dangerous experiment I undertook today. Who knew there would be side effects?

It started innocently enough, a few days ago when AT Everest was all chatty we were gathered around the trainer's desk talking about music. A future project of mine will be seeing if I can collect great workout songs for the iPod from my readers. I'm hoping those of you with experience in this area will email me (you know were I live) and I'll collect them and put them on the sidebar.

Anyhoo AT Everest is saying that she prefers classical. I'm not sure if she means to workout to, but does she? Has it ever been DONE?! Already my mind is tossing out possibilities and discarding them, Requiem for a Mass though intriguing is a non starter. I'd have difficulty explaining why I'm weeping. No, there's only one choice, the glorious Ludwig Van...

Beethoven's Ninth!

I simply must try it! I secretly load the iPod and keep these perilous thoughts from my wife. My wife doesn't like me... thinking.

I decide to do an hour on the elliptical, with and average HR of 130 and thirty on the recombinant at any ol' HR. I don't know why.

I hop on the elliptical, shove in the ear buds and ... Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!

Somewhere around the fourth movement, I became dangerously psychotic my linkage with A Clockwork Orange complete, shrieking into the empty gym,

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,
und freudenvollere.
Freude! Freude!

Struggling with the alto section I'm grateful I can't see myself in the mirror, certain I'd challenge myself with, "Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!"

Apparently my struggle with self esteem remains ongoing.

My frontal lobes fire off a desperate message, "You have got to calm down!"

I put on normal music for the bike and focus on ESPN. Once done with the thirty I head for the showers, time to face the cruelest of mistresses, the scale.

I was feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a morning of no small expenditure when I stepped on the scale after setting it to the previous known weight - 231. It doesn't rise! I slowly slide it down until at 228.5 it moves up.

Sigh. I'm not happy? Why is that? Since I started this madness one month ago, clocking in at 237lbs I've dropped nine pounds but only two since the scales bitch slapped me. She's still angry I guess. I'll need to further adjust my diet... DARN IT!

Drinking milk might help...

Initiative comes to thems that wait.

Bummed with no reason to be...

Bill

DEATH STORM 2009!!! - The Bloody Aftermath - Day Four

Well not a whole lot different between today and yesterday. Colder, windier, the only marked difference is the schools are open. I don't know why, those people mystify me.

I get in about 5:30 and finally hop on an elliptical at 5:45. It's a total body sort of day and I want to push it a tad. I glance at AT Everest but she has her ear buds in, pounding away on her elliptical. I'm dead to her.

I'm glancing at the news on the TV and there are some school closings but mostly in far away remote counties, meaning not mine. The news/weather teams are struggling, trying to find a story, making halfhearted attempts at The Killer Cold! but unable to get into a full lather about it. I smirk, we're suppose to be some sort of nation of free press and blah blah blah but they've become, over the last few years, the last place I look to for facts. Facts are boring, so I have started treating TV 'news' like a sitcom, it goes down better then if you were to take them seriously.

The gym is filling up. Marathon Man comes in and I ask him how he's going to kill himself today?

"Treadmill."

I'm logging some stat on my workout sheet when I glance down the hallway and there stands, MY TRAINER! EEEEEEKKKKKKKK! I have no idea why I feel like I've been doing something bad, probably because I didn't lunge-walk to the desk. In a panic I glance at the treadmills, reaching the point in my routine where I get to wallow in misery on that thing for six minutes.

Oh NO! Why must my life be filled with drama???

All the treadmills are in use! This is not in the routine! And they're in use by hard core people, weird folk who seem to enjoy walking/jogging, for example Marathon Man is on and probably wont get off of it until next Tuesday.

Filled with anxiety I approach my mommy trainer. Trying hard not to sound like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man I state the obvious, "Um, all the treadmills are in use. I'm suppose to do the treadmill now."

"Let's work on your DB Lunges."

We are WAY off the beaten path here, DB lunges are after the treadmill! One of the things I like about my trainer is that she pushes me and doesn't even notice - I think I probably need to vary my routine - do a fun run - try new stuff. Push that comfort zone - ya know? I mean other than pain, failure and misery what could happen?

She sets up the step right in front of the mirror and I feel all eyes in the gym turn towards me. I shouldn't have worn a white t-shirt today. I look like an egg. GROAN. I 'man up' and do the lunges. She tells me I'm doing much better with them, that my form has improved. I also learn that this will help with my balance and my core muscle strength.

She lost me at I'm doing better at them - big goofy grin.

I get through the rest of the routine doing another six minutes on the dread stair climber in preparation for the Friday Fun Run. As I'm stumbling around after that bit of joy I see Marathon Man climbing off the treadmill soaked in sweat. He calls out to me, "I liked what you said about endorphins yesterday, in about an hour I'll be swimming in them."

I'm trying to figure out a delicate way to ask what his blood type is, the beginnings of a plan to steal his endorphins taking shape... nah, it's probably illegal. I'll just make my own.

I annoy the trainer one more time asking if there's a schedule of these cult/courses being taught. She hands me one. I'll let you know when I do the ab course - fifteen minutes - how bad can it be?

As I'm leaving a married couple comes in. I know them well and will have to think of names for them. He mutters guiltily, "Yeah, I know, we're coming in a bit late."

"I shall notify the trainer!"

"I just hope I don't end up in your blog!"

:-) No worries.

Please have a fantastic weekend! Tomorrow I weigh in - nervous giggle, wrings hands.

DEATH STORM 2009!!! - When will it end? - Day Three

I woke up to zero accumulation, cold outside and somewhat icy streets. I had overslept, probably due to the email I got from my trainer telling me I had been at this madness for a solid month. I partied my butt off reading a book and going to bed at 10:30pm!

The drive in wasn't nearly as exciting as yesterday and I'm figuring that the schools will opt for a two hour delay. Today is intervals on the treadmill which I'm still struggling with for balance etc. I also woke up stupid apparently.

I start my routine and am adjusting the treadmill and whatnot. Marathon Man is in there covered in sweat on the elliptical pounding it out alongside AT Everest. I'm late and lets be clear about something. I am a creature of routine, almost autistically so, when there are variations I get cranky. Weird I know but there it is.

So I get the machine working but I'm getting dumber by the minute. If you glance at the heart chart at about minute five you'll see where I commit my first act of stupidity and call my wife waking her up and letting her know the schools were on a two hour delay.

This destroys my settings and heart rate, not to mention HER restful slumber. The workout is RUINED! I plug in 35 minutes again and get back on it. When the machine kicks into the work zone for me (currently a wimpy 3.8mph at 5% incline) I can see the little bar that you can cling to for heart rate just pulling away. I end up increasing my stride and pulling back up to it but my rhythm is off and I get wobbly and end up having to grab the side bars. I'm beyond annoyed, why am I such a lout? Others do this, others can walk just fine. DARNIT! It would be understandable, my difficulties, if I had vodka in the water bottle, but its water, honest.

I do better during the rest phase of the interval workout but my brow is now officially furrowed! I really want to figure this out so I can get the most out of this workout (it's a similar feeling I have with the DB lunges). What is up with that machine that makes me feel mildly off balance?

With about ten minutes to go I risk glancing up at the TV. The city schools have just closed. Uh oh. Then comes the inevitable cascade effect and all the suburban schools follow suit in some weird no child shall be left behind thing. Ours succumbs to peer pressure and closes too. I want to grab the treadmill and heave it across the room but I'd pull a hammy.

Calm blue sea, calm blue sea. I knew my wife's Lamaze class would come in handy but it's not working. Anyone got a Valium? Wanna share? :-)

I wrap up the routine cutting short the cool down. I see Marathon Man has survived whatever ordeal he's put himself through and is staggering around in some anaerobic daze. I'm envious of the endorphins he's about to wallow in.

I commit my second act of idiocy calling my wife and informing her that the schools have just closed. She was asleep deciding that since they were on a two hour delay last she heard she could sleep in. So I'm feeling like a heel but we have to adjust schedules and meetings. We manage to work somethings out. After 11AM (a meeting I can NOT miss) I'll be at home, then back for a 3PM then home again.

Already it's going downhill as further acts of foolishness follow. I leave my towel in the locker wondering around like the distracted dork I am in the buff until I get out of the shower and make this startling discovery. I spend a minute our so in a blind panic because I can't find my glasses which would be a real problem.

GROAN. For me it's just gonna be one of those days!

But it doesn't have to be for you! Have a good one!

DEATH STORM 2009!!! - A New Beginning... - Day Two

Mush!

The treacherous dogs look back at me, unwilling to step out of the garage.

MUSH!

Stupid dogs! That's the last time I buy a dachshund dog sled team. Iditarod winners my butt! They are soooo going back to Lowes when the weather breaks, I unload the sled transferring supplies to the trunk of my car in a huff.

Today I creep into the gym averaging about 25mph. This is weather for caution, for once the weather folk got it right, it is icy. When I get there not a single car to be seen. I figure I'll get the gym to myself since the other pansies athletes were far wiser and remained at home.

When I get in the gym Everest is there strolling on a treadmill. What's this? How bad is this storm if Everest forgoes her beloved elliptical?!

She calls out, "Who's there?" her poor vision betraying her. I identify myself and she says we might be the only two in here today and would I mind driving her over to work?

Are you kidding me?! My imaginary sled dogs won't even go out in that weather! I tell her, "It would be an honor" or something approaching noble sounding. She asks when I'll be done with my workout. I glance at the clock and tell her I think I can be dressed and ready by 7:15 if that's OK. I really don't enjoy the mental image of her sitting on some chair with her gym bag on her lap waiting for me, still I HAVE to do this workout so I'll just pick up the pace of it.

Everest fits into the Early Riser category, I have no idea how long she's already been here, probably hours.

I flip on the TVs so that I can monitor the death storm and they're too loud so I find the remote and turn them down. I'm getting sadistic pleasure out of watching those poor junior reporters they always stick out on the side of the road reporting how awful it is. I secretly pray an eighteen wheeler will roar by covering them with slush. I'm a very petty man.

I hop on the elliptical next to her and start driving my heart rate up.

Everest is positively... loquacious, causing me to wonder if weird barometric fluctuations are causing unusual changes in behaviors. She's telling me that she doesn't care to listen to the TV, she normally wears her ear-buds because it's hard to see who's around. She hopes no one thinks she's being standoffish.

I tell her I don't think so. I'm already starting to puff just a bit so it also reinforces the fact that when you come to this place it's to exercise, after awhile gab is not an option. She's not alone with the ear bud thing.

We yack about this and that and I'm trying to speed through my dynamic warm ups. I'm recognizing where she is in her routine and I'm picking up the pace of mine to reduce her wait.

A trainer comes in and a bit later a few more folks.

I'm about to get on the dread stair climber shooting for six minutes (I did it! :-)) in prep for the Friday Fun Run. I'm yakking with the trainer when Everest comes up and asks how I'm doing with the workout. I say to the trainer, "You really should hire her, she's driving me through this routine! Make her an assistant trainer or something!"

Everyone laughs but I think I embarrassed Everest a little which wasn't my intent. Whatever quirky dynamic is going on between us, the bottom line is I'm getting a better workout than I would have if our paths hadn't crossed.

While dying on the stair climber I decided to rename Everest to Assistant Trainer Everest, AT Everest for short.

I wrap up my routine and tell the trainer that I'm going to the lockers so if AT Everest comes looking for me please let her know I haven't left.

He kicks back, "I'll tell her you're slackin'" causing me to laugh.

On the drive over to work we continue to talk and she thanks me profusely for the ride. I tell her anytime.

So if you see AT Everest sans ear buds you might want to say hi, just remember to identify yourself :-)

Tomorrow the treadmill of torment - sigh.
PS: A reader writes in that 'Everest' is a better name. I thought about it and agree but I like the trainer thing too so I'm going with AT Everest and corrected the blog post :-)

Geeking With The Garmin

This will shock to none of you but I'm something of a geek, mmhmm. ::serious look::

The snow was falling pretty well when I got home from work so I decided to shovel the driveway instead of listen to the news folk tell me how I was going to DIE from from the storm!

I thought it might be fun to strap on the heart monitor and see what the Garmin made of my efforts. The metrics (above) were interesting since I had new columns like 'Distance' and 'Calories' - I can not vouch for the accuracy of either given the limited space (driveway/sidewalks) I was working in. It took me about 45 minutes to do the job.

As you can see from Google Earth (a function you can get with MotionBased which comes free with the Garmin Edge or Forerunner - sorta limited but enough for my means. What I mean is if you join the pay-for stuff you get more functionality) you probably don't want to call in precision air strikes with the Garmin but that is my house and driveway however I honestly don't remember shoveling the lawn or the roof.
I did the sidewalks last and the short strokes as opposed to the long languid ones of the driveway proper seemed to elevate my HR some. The most noticeable thing though is my lower back is SORE :-)
See ya tomorrow!

DEATH STORM 2009!!! - Day One

All evening long the news filled my pretty head with somber warnings of the upcoming apocalypse. "It will start small probably around two inches by morning..." the weather man trails off ominously before going positively orgasmic, "But then the REAL FUN starts with up to 8 to twelve inches starting Tuesday afternoon! Most of you stupid enough not to heed my dire warnings will probably die or be seriously maimed."

It's too early in the evening for the real news, are the schools closed, on some X hour delay or open? This is what matters. I'm surprised they haven't closed already. Aren't they listening?!

I get up at about a quarter to five. Today is my second favorite workout, the tempo workout. I want to do 144bpm for 45 mins and have already eaten the banana, suited up and am oh so ready! I watch the garage door open, steeling myself for the winter horror.

Hmmmm, maybe a half inch. Pretty bad, mmhmm. I trudge down the driveway getting the paper glad I payed close attention to some cub reporter stuck outside last night who taught me how to walk on snow - rolls eyes. Central Ohio news can be pretty amusing at times.

As I climb into the car I hear a whine from one of the cages. I glance at the dog sled team I impulse purchased yesterday, because my psychosis runs so deep that if the workout doesn't occur on the hallowed grounds of the gym - it DOES NOT count! Any fool knows that. The dog sled team was insurance. I might need them tomorrow though so I'll wait before returning them to Lowes.

I hop on the elliptical and can't seem to get my heart rate up - it's not in the mood I guess and eek out a disappointing 67% trainer based Max HR overall and 68% for the forty-five minutes I was shooting for... bitter sigh. Better luck next time.

I'm studying the TV looking for word on the schools. Counties to the south of us seem to be having problems but I can discern nothing for my school district. You can see right around the thirty five minute mark - where I sacrificed my stride - to call my wife and report in attempting to keep my balance on the elliptical and talk at the same time - it was kind of challenging. I tell her I'm seeing nothing and she should check the web because I suspect I'm missing something. I mean not even a two hour delay? This is a death storm for crying out loud!

My wife and I need to pay close attention to this because our kids are not quite old enough to be left home alone and a school closing or delay will play major havoc with one of our schedules at work.

The weather/news teams appear to be making the best of it. Starting to bore on about freezing rain and pinning their hopes on this afternoon and the second wave of white death that is nigh approaching! I hope to wake up tomorrow to a bunch of glum faces staring back at me from the TV screen.

I can't wait until tomorrow! I can see me trudging across the vast tundra with two tennis rackets strapped to my feet trying to get into the gym :-)

Be well.

It's Just Another Total Body Monday

Well since I was a bit of a Chatty Kathy yesterday I will try and control my enthusiasm today and let you catch up.

Everything went OK with the workout today, though I'm feeling a bit queasy so I hope that sniffley dude in the pew behind me at church yesterday didn't give me anything, plus he was one of those singers who thought his rich baritone should be shared all across the nape of my neck. I don't know why but I despised him - LOL!

I wore my new shoes in today :-) I looked quite dashing and they helped with the dreaded DB lunges (I'm starting to loathe them with the same intensity I have for the stair climber - I need to shoot for six minutes on that affront to God next time). I still SUCK at the lunges, bitter sigh. Do the trainers offer a remedial course on DB lunges?

As usual the odd laps are on the machines, elliptical, treadmill and stair climber. In that order.

It's Monday - go ahead and have a GREAT one!

Sunday - Stairway to TERROR!

Bill grimly studies the Friday Fun Run terrain

I actually try and sleep in today. I'm up at six, my need to go to the gym driving me out of the bed. There's no question, I fall into The Addictive Personality category but I am allowed to take the day off, I just don't wanna.

On the drive in there's some radio show on where they're talking about diabetes, a disease I think I'll try and take a pass on - it doesn't sound like fun, you know like heroin addiction does. I'm thinking I'll do twenty on the upright bike to continue prepping for the summer of longer bike rides when the radio dude practically begs, "If you'd just exercise for thirty minutes every three days you can cut your risk of getting diabetes fifty percent." I mentally uptick the time on the bike from twenty to thirty.

The gym is oddly empty at this late hour, but this allows me to practice for my inevitable American Idol appearance. I do keep the tempo light and with an average HR of 111 I'm below 65% no matter what my max HR is so I'm wondering why my legs burn while writing this entry. I'm guessing its because my bike muscles aren't there yet. My breathing is light allowing for a Grammy winning rendition of American Pie. I quite enjoyed singing that!

When I hop off the bike I seriously wince in pain. I think my Coccyx (tailbone) is inflamed and in typical male fashion I've been hoping it just goes away, for the last six months or so. It only acts up when I sit on something like a bike seat, which is exactly what I want to do. Another thing to put on the list to annoy my doc about.

After doing a million other things I grab my intrepid wife and we head out to look over the Friday Fun Run course. I bring the Garmin so that I can take measurements along with a camera so that I can study this course in detail. Looking at the map it presents itself as a simple loop but it is rife with SUBTLETY!

Controversy seems to swirl around the Friday Fun Run like it was an Illinois Governor. I'm getting it from both sides one camp telling me it's fun if you're into near death experiences and another saying it's fun for the companionship and encouragement.

What's an overweight, out of shape, middle-aged dork to do? Why peep it out of course! What was described by the weather intelligentsia as flurries turned out to be a pretty good snow, but I remained undeterred though my wife mentioned at every chance she could that she wanted to do this YESTERDAY!

Last Friday I received an email from a faithful reader who knows the REAL story on the Friday Fun Run because she's done it, a lot. I read it with interest and then forward it to my trainer asking if I can substitute this for my Friday total body routine. Secretly I know when my trainer learns of all the horrors detailed in the letter she'll never EVER permit me to put my frail body through such a baptism of fire!

I've decided to intersperse the reader's comments (edited to protect the wicked) with what I observed.

Start the power walk to the River from the loading doc. Some walk faster than others, but everyone walks with a buddy. It just happens! (Of course there are still some that might choose to run there (i.e., The Machine). The walk to the River is just over 1 mile.

We gather at the top of the stairs and head down the stairs single file. The goal is to go up the stairs (think just over 60 steps) as hard as your fitness level will allow you…taking 1 step at a time. The rest will be when you take the stairs down. We try to do this 4 times.

Stairway looking down.

They're impressive. There are actually seventy four steps, my autism making me count.

Stairway looking up.

The Garmin tells me it's about a 50 foot drop from the top to the bottom. The boardwalk described below can be made out under the bridge arch.

Then, comes the hill. This hill is pretty steep (not gonna lie to ya!) and is located on the other side of the bridge. It is steep, but not very long… 50 – 60 yards? The interval is to go up this hill has hard as your fitness level will allow. The cool down is the walk back to the bottom. The walk is taking the street back to the bridge, cross the boardwalk under the bridge and take the stairs back down. The goal is the same… 4 times. Believe me no one cares if an individual cannot make all 4 times.

The Hill. The snow doesn't do it justice.

When everyone is done with the hill work, we all meet at the bottom of the stairs and divide in groups. The stairs are broken up by platforms. We do a set of exercises at each platform… usually only 10 reps, for example, jumping jacks..

Then when we are all at the top, we start the walk back. When the weather is better and dry, we usually opt to walk back through the Shawnee Falls trail.

When we get back to work, most of us do a quick ab workout before we hit the showers.

So, there you have it.

As you know, drama follows me like a groupie whenever I consider exercise. As I'm pondering the email I'm carefully trudging up the stairs since there's this thick layer of ice below the snow, my wife hanging back wishing to further investigate the park. I'm halfway up the last set of risers clutching the snow covered railing, glad I have gloves on when this woman appears at the top of the stairs holding a bag of bread and asking if there are any ducks or geese below. I don't know. As she's passing me on the right she slips and starts to go down emitting a startled shriek like she just got goosed.

I suffer one of those horrible man moments because I instantly realize that if I'm going to save her I'm going to have to reach across her... chest. I sincerely don't want her to think I'm the legendary boobie grabber of River whatever park we're in so I'm pausing. Everything is in slow-mo and she's staring at me like the damned with huge saucer eyes, falling. I mentally sigh and decide that possibly ruffling her feathers and getting maced is better than seeing her seriously hurt. I reach across and support her. Thank heavens for parkas and gloves, all is well, her honor intact.

Here's a little heart chart of me walking the course, going down the steps and then up the hill.

What cracks me up about it is I'm crawling up the hill, MAYBE maxing out at 1.5mph and my heart rate climbs to 118bpm. I can't wait to find out what attempting to run up it will do!

Too bad my trainer will forbid it... wistful sigh...

I stare at her response to my email:

Go For It, Bill -- after you get those new shoelaces.

I one upped her and bought new shoes :-)

I can't wait to try this but I think I'm gonna have to take a half day afterward to recup!

I doubt if I can 'man up' but I'm certain I can 'whine up.' Count me in.

Saturday - Concert for the Ages!

Early one mornin' the sun was shinin' ...

I slept in today, getting up at 5:15, shaving and heading into the gym. Once again I was alone. Me time!

I was looking forward to this workout all week long! Seriously! My two goals were:

1. Use the bike to start training those muscles for summer
2. Go sixty minutes with an average bpm of 120

I did it! :-) I plugged in something like seventy minutes because it takes me awhile to get my HR up on the bike and go.

I remembered my lessons from last week and plugged in some close captioned thing and ignored it, all I learned was it was cold outside. REALLY?! The win for me was bringing in an iPod.

Tangled Up in Blue comes through the ear buds and it was just... perfect. I'm pedaling along, humming and hanging with Bob and somewhere in the second verse I start singing. Out loud. It was fun and kinda naughty!

I wish my heartfelt rendition of Bobby McGee had been recorded, maybe they can get a four-track in the gym? Joplin has NOTHING on me!

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing, that's all that Bobby left me, yeah,

Bobby's a jerk.

I'm pedaling along when yet another brilliant idea hits me! Harmonica Holders!!! They're hands free and the trainers could hold classes with Bob Dylan and/or Neil Yong music and we could all wail along with them... in harmony... think about it.

Naturally there was drama. If you look at the heart chart it occurs about the one hour mark. I had been ignoring it for about fifteen minutes but could stand it no longer.

I HAD to pee.

Where are Depends when you need them? This is a real dilemma for yours truly. I have about twelve minutes to go and I'm doing well and want to go the distance. DARN IT! I hop off the bike and spin the pedals to keep it going and walk/limp to the potty. I seem to have pulled a muscle, sigh.

By the time I get back the dumb machine was turned off. I plugged in the remaining time and finished up.

Somewhere around the five minute mark Marathon Man comes in interrupting a dead on impersonation of Gwen Stefani. I'm suddenly shy. I resist the urge to sing out to him,

Let me hear you say, "This ship is bananas, B A N A N A S"

Though it did seem apropo, and yeah I deliberately typoed one of the words but my kid reads this blog so cut me a little slack :-) We nod to each other.

As I'm limping to the showers I notice him taking out his ear buds. He's warming up on the elliptical and just starting to get into it. He says, "Can you send me the URL to your blog?"

"OK, why?"

"Well I hear I'm called Marathon Man or something."

"Yep!" I explain that I don't refer to anyone by their name since this is a public blog.

I'll send him the URL, coolies, perhaps another reader :-)

Friday - First Week

What have I done? Silly blog, silly boy you've really done it now!

Yesterday I was sitting in my office, minding my own business when an email pops up with the subject, "Friday's Fun Run???"

I nervously approach the email thinking, "What has my evil wonderful trainer thought of now? Everyone knows there's no fun in running!"

It's not from her? What is this? It reads:

Well - according to my records we haven't hit the stairs/hills since before Christmas! How can that be? Oh yes, the weather/snow! Ha

(With the exception of the Machine who chanced it on January 9th and made the rest of us look like wimps).

The forecast calls for nice weather tomorrow so I say "LETS GET OUTSIDE"!!!!!

Meet in the LL - be ready to hit the pavement at 12:45!

Bill - after keeping up with your daily blog, I can tell you're ready for this fun Adventure! We power walk to the hill/stairs located under 161 just past the Brazenhead. We run/walk the stairs up/down 4 times, and then we attack the hill in the same manor. It's a fun group - I hope you're available to join us?

I hope to see most of you tomorrow?

OMG! I'm both terrified and attracted to the idea, like those folk you see in the vampire movies who are about to be bitten both wanting it and loathing it at the same time. I can already tell I'm going to succumb but I must be cautious because I did scan the list of people and it is a fun group and I'm relatively certain I'll want to converse during the ordeal but these folk are attacking hills for crying out loud! That's a unique flavor of crazy and I know in my heart I'm not ready... yet. I can do about thirty minutes on the treadmill and five on the hated stair climber but I'm already setting goals - when I can do ten on the climber and go an hour on the treadmill I think I'll be ready.

Plus they have names like 'The Machine.' I figure my name will be Wheezy or maybe 'The Whiner.'

I reply back that I'm very interested but not ready yet and secretly hope 'power walking' involves Segways. I've been subsequently told, "NO!"

I do my total body workout today and remain, well mediocre is too kind but I'll go with it, mediocre on the lunges. One of the 'early risers' was in there doing these monster lunges with like eighty pound dumb bells, curling them when he was in the full lunge because he was bored I guess. I was envious but I seriously must remain patient.

While on the treadmill I mention to the girl, another one of the serious folk you see in there every darned day but have been at it forever, next to me on another treadmill about yesterday's email. She blanches and mutters, "You don't want to do that!" and tells me what is in store for me if I do, she can already tell I'm probably gonna try it.

I'm thinking, "Actually I sorta do..." but I respect her enough that this reinforces my thoughts on not being ready... yet.

Hey it's Friday! Please have a great weekend!

Treadmill

Today was my first interval workout on the Treadmill of Torment.

First a heads up to my dad and wife who both enjoy death marches. I am now in training and plan to be able to keep up with you march-o-holics AND hold a conversation! So, unless you want to listen to a solid hour of whatever is pinging around my empty little noggin you better start training yourself. You've been warned.

Mainly what I notice about the treadmill is that I have sporadic trouble with balance. If I don't keep my eyes focused on the little display but try and look about (particularly during my work interval) I will begin weaving a bit and FAIL the sobriety test. My trainer doesn't want me holding on to the supports and I don't unless I get wobbly. She's right - the workout is more thorough when you're not holding on.

I figure I need to work up to the folk who can watch TV or play chess when running on the silly thing. Do you agree? Is this just something I have to learn or should I lay off the vodka?

It feels like a good workout when I'm done. I had to dial back the 4mph for the work interval to 3.8mph but I upped the incline to 4% to atone. I went thirty minutes at the first stab at it because I'm pretty respectful of the machine and I need to get a feel for it.

My trainer is there and when I'm done she pops up and wants to demonstrate the DB Lunge and see me do it. So she's explaining it while doing it and tosses her leg out and and pops up and down, see?

I know this will read really odd but it just looks pretty, the form of it you know? Immediately I'm dropped into this scene:

Here we are at the Women's Olympic DB Lunge competition. The United States has just finished with a perfect ten! Out lumbers the "female" East German contestant... ooohh this is gonna be good!

Well I lost points for having to hold on to a chair for balance, more points for not having my rear foot in parallel with my front one and still more points for not dropping my rear knee and that's the key for me. I must drop the rear knee without letting the front knee bend past 90 degrees. Well I'll try again tomorrow :-)

Total Body Bleh!

Well yesterday I could take it no longer and around 3PM chowed down the Clif Bar. I wish I could adequately describe for my wife how it was soft and chewy and filled with chocolaty GOODNESS! The way the oats crunched under the molars with just the right amount of resistance. All the textures and various flavors... why is that a hint of cinnamon? I was thinking, "I simply MUST share this with my beloved..." when suddenly I noticed there was only a tiny square left! It would be cruel to give her such a small morsel. I popped the rest in my mouth and licked my fingers. I'll keep my eye out for them in the future, at over a buck a bar that was a nice gift for me.

I'm always looking for new addictions :-)

I also noticed about noon some lactic acid burn in the ol' thighs. Not sure if I went anaerobic A LOT or a bit. I'm thinking I'm OK all in all and will continue to strive for 150 on the tempo workouts until I plateau.

This morning I woke up at 4:50, switched off the alarm and climbed out of bed. I wasn't into it. I mean who's into anything at 4:50am? I eat a banana and fill the water bottle and head in.

I use to scoff at the people boring on and on about, you need to drink eighty gallons of water a day, just to survive! Now I carry my little USPS water bottle everywhere sucking on the blasted thing like I'm in the Sahara desert. That water bottle has become something of a talisman for me. Back when I was first getting interested in bicycling my staff (at the time) chipped in and bought if for me as a Christmas present. So it's pretty special to me and helps bring me the will to exercise.

Today I'm attempting to cut down on the time for the total body workout. So I hop on the elliptical set it for some level, eight I think and get on with it. My wonderful trainer sent me an email yesterday with a link to the DB Lunge for me to look over along with the following corrections to the image, "With the link above, there are a couple of corrections that I would make - take a bigger front step & lower back knee and also keep torso tall while taking the step forward AND lowering your back knee!" During the euphemistically named Dynamic Warm-Up routines I practice that form. Oh yeah, that sucks.

After double knotting and duct-taping my shoelaces down I get on the treadmill and it reminds me of how much FUN I'm going to have on it during interval training tomorrow. I struggle with form on this today, I seemed to struggle with form on lunges too. Later it occurred to me in the shower that doing five lunges right and stopping probably has more value than doing fifteen wrong or half-assed. Today I seemed to opt for half-assed, sigh.

All the while the stair climber was leering in its corner. I finally get to it and do five minutes at level five with a max heart rate of 153. I don't think you can do that machine half-assed, if you do you fall off of it like a I Love Lucy skit gone horribly awry. But something is amiss... sweat isn't falling off me like the monsoon season and yeah my thighs burn and I don't want to do it but it didn't seem as bad. Don't get me wrong I'm in no way thinking I'm ready to up the level on that bad boy or the time but maybe I'm making progress (?).

I did the crunches which I oddly enjoy (not so much the alternating supermans), stretch and head for the showers. All in about an hours time.
The scale has started its siren call but I'm ignoring it at the moment. Ever since it bitch slapped me with that extra half pound I've been keeping my distance. I haven't drawn in my belt a notch (my other metric) yet which is depressing but I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I tried for a notch on Sunday and managed to do it but it felt a lot like I imagine a nineteenth century woman felt struggling into a corset.

I noticed when I got up to get my morning oatmeal and coffee that I apparently pulled a muscle I didn't know I had high up on my left thigh near the joint. Maybe I did do some of those DB lunges almost right. The workout today felt bleh for lack of a better word. Something to be gotten through, there was no joy.

I must be patient.

Tempo Tuesday

Well I'm in day two of my routine, having completed the tempo workout and now looking forward to the total body workout with all the anticipation of one who knows what's coming.

Getting up so gosh darn early in the morning has its pros and cons. One of the pros is that my workout for the day is over. One of the cons is I haven't eaten yet when I start these workouts. I think I got a wittle hypoglycemic yesterday during the workout which would explain the crying jags of yesterday mmhmm. Seriously though I felt, what's the medical term, oh yeah, 'ucky' until I wolfed down the morning oatmeal.

Ever the experimenter I ate a banana on my way out to the door to the gym. Just a little something to tide me over during the workout. I don't want to eat too much, like that tray of brownies I know the precise location of in the kitchen. It's considered very bad form to vomit all over the equipment. Um, so I've heard... yeah.

I find a note in my shoe when I'm lacing up in the locker room.

Your mission Mr. Weird Cult Person, should you choose to accept it is to keep your heart rate between 65-75% for thirty to forty-five minutes! You may use any machine.

Indeed.

I decide that I'm gonna try for 150bpm for thirty minutes, you know, just to see how that feels - this will put me at 74% using the trainer's max HR calculation and 87% using mine. If I'm at a true 87% then I should be an anaerobic mess. I'm liking the elliptical more and more for this kind of work - I feel like I can control the heart rate.

As I'm getting on the machine one of the 'early risers' calls out that he's reading my blog and finds it interesting. I really don't know what to say to that except thanks! Knowing that folk are checking on me keeps me going into the gym. I think of him as an early riser because he really is one. He and his buddy are in the gym at some ungodly hour it seems, like they came in yesterday and are just now finishing up or something. I idly wonder if I'll ever beat them in during the work week. I probably don't want to get up that early to find out!

I begin upping the level of the machine to nine or so to get the heart rate up and around minute six I'm good. I seem to be having a bit of trouble keeping it there so I up the level to ten and that does the trick. I did a quick start so I'm having to do math - bitter sigh - to figure out the length I want to be in this HR range.

Around this time I break out into glorious sweat. It's running down my forehead and into my eyes reminding me that I really should wear a bandanna. I can't explain it but I love when that happens, it feels like I'm actually working towards something. Whatever, pardon my writing skills - I can't quite communicate the feeling of it.

With about ten minutes to go my trainer comes in! She's giving someone one of those body assessments and I'm half wondering, what's to assess? This person looks great. Maybe it was like her tenth assement or something and they're just checking progress.

I call out to my trainer asking her to check on me with regards to how I'm doing. I tell her that I'm going for thirty at 150bpm and you know how do I sound?

It's not coming out right! I think it comes across as bragging to her like I'm saying, "Look at me! I'm about to go 30 minutes at 150bpms behold me with WONDER!"

What I'm trying to ascertain is at 150 I'm thinking that might be a good upper rate for me. On her scale and my little heart chart at the right there it puts me smack in the middle of 'Aerobic (Cardio training/Endurance)' and I'm thinking that's exactly what it feels like. I know I can't get near 160 and hold it yet, that definitely feels anaerobic to me (stupid stair climber!).

She says I'm doing great and asks about the shoe laces and my muscle pull.

"You read my blog???"

"Yeah, I sent you an email last night."

I'm thinking, "Grandpa was probably already in bed." but I'm delighted that she read it some, she's checking on me! Maybe if I would just stop babbling it could be of real use... nah - I'll just keep the metrics at the top and the babble after that.

I want to ask her about my DB lunge technique but A) I'm on the elliptical so it's kinda hard to demonstrate and B) she's working with someone else.

I listen to her and the other lady talk and I'm not gonna blog it but our trainer has high hopes and I'm giddy with excitement for her! All the best on that front!

I do some stretches and head to the showers. I also note that the banana seems to have helped. I'll try that again for tomorrow's ordeal.

When I get out of the showers... When I get out of the locker room I look for my trainer so I can ask her about the 'On Step DB Lunge' but she's no where to be found. I hear some chanting coming out of the basketball court and head down that way, I peer carefully in not sure I really want to see. My trainer and a bunch of other folk (acolytes?) are laying on their backs with their legs over big rubber balls chanting some gibberish about lifting.

And I thought MY cult was strange.

I've come to a few conclusions. First the trainers' time is extremely valuable. They are BUSY! Thing is I happen to like both of them so I can get into a trap where I just want to clown around with them and shoot the breeze. The time I'm hanging around there isn't the best time for them, they're just ramping up. But yesterday the other trainer plopped right down on the floor and illustrated perfect 'Basic Mat Crunches' when I was asking if I was doing them right. He was a little shy about showing the 'On Step DB Lunge' since he wasn't certain of the form my trainer was after.

My point being, BOTH of them will stop what they're doing and help if they can.

Second, they care if you care. In other words if you put the time in they'll put their time in you. That's fair. The little email I got from my trainer will do wonders for my motivation! Here's what it said:

Subject: How's your muscles and did you get NEW shoelaces??

I'll be in at 6 am to see how things are going -- I read you blog today!! The HR chart is showing the right results! Way to go, Bill!

But I'm getting even more motivation. People in the gym seeing I'm trying to hang in there are helping too with comments like, "You got through another one." And my wife, kids and parents are saying they're proud of me.

I race back to my desk to check my email and on it is this 'Clif Bar - Chocolate Chip' and a note that reads, "Bill - Give this a shot - they taste GREAT - your buddy in fitness"

OMG! I almost devour it on the spot but decide that patience sets us apart from the lower orders. This will be my afternoon treat! Unfortunately my wife has discovered its existence. She spends some time trying to convince me that the 'peanut traces' will certainly kill me. NICE TRY HONEY. I've carefully hidden this treasure... for later. Thank you so much exercise buddy!

Thanks to all of you! Knowing you're about helps me climb one more step but more importantly gets me out of bed in the morning and in the gym, even when I really don't wanna.

Later gators!

Monday's Muscle Pulls

I've been hearing here and there that there are people actually reading this blog. I've been surprised in a few meetings or wondering around, er, managing by wondering around when someone would mention that they've seen it.

I really just want to give a sincere Thank You!!! to those that do peep this out from time to time, it really does help. So, um, thanks! :-)

I was talking to one of the trainers today and he said something that caught my ear, "Exercise should energize," and then went on to say that if you're not feeling that way you might want to back off a bit. He's been doing this gig for eighteen years and so has oodles of experience and the most common thing he sees is people coming out of the gates too fast and three months later they're gone. I do not want to end up in that stat column.

Here's the thing. I am feeling oodles of energy, well OK, how about I'm feeling better? But this energy thing might have led to yesterday's fun and games fiasco. The lesson I need to take away (I think) is that on a rest day you really shouldn't push it. Next Sunday I may not go in at all (sweat breaks out across forehead) or maybe just go in for a long sauna.

So this morning at 4:54am the alarm goes off and I climb out of bed and am greeted by a nice pulled muscle. I want to say its the thigh but that's not quite right, when you lift your leg up to put on a sock. OH BABY! Yeah it's that one. I pop a few Tylenol to deal with that.

I start my total body workout and don't hit any snags until I get to 'On Step DB Lunge' because I'm not sure how to do it. I do my best but I want someone who knows what they're doing to give me a look-see. Oh and by the way the treadmill totally destroyed me in the five and a half minutes we were together. At 4:45 my double knotted shoe lace came untied which was irritating but I just went the distance. These shoes must be near end of life - sheesh!

If you look at the odd laps, those were the times with the machines. Elliptical, treadmill and stair climber. During my time with the stair climber I mentioned that I was REALLY SORRY I gave it some 'tude on Saturday, I was drunk! It didn't buy it and just kept remorselessly chugging along. Gawd I hate that machine!
Well tomorrow is 'Tempo Workout' - should be fun.

Be well.

Sunday: Fun and Games

Now that I'm under a exercise routine today is my 'rest' day. My trainer said, "You can come in and do another long burn like you did on Saturday or nothing at all."

As if.

After church I told my wife that today was a rest day, time for fun and games. While idly examining my fingernails I casually mention that yesterday I did 120 beats per minute for over an hour and can do 144 for at least forty. I make eye contact and raise my eyebrows up and down lecherously.

She returns that piteous stare I've become well acquainted with ever since I, well, became hormonally aware. Women remain a wonderful mystery to me, but this is one look I can read.

She shoves my gym bag in my arms. It probably isn't a great idea playing those types of games at 12:30pm on a Sunday with both kids in the house bored and looking for stuff to do. Plenty of time to scar them later!

By the time I get to the gym I still don't know what I'll do but I had decided it would be cardio because I had this need to sweat. I think it's the rush after an OK workout that I'm becoming addicted to, the endorphin high. I didn't want to do the full hour thing because there are a bunch of 'honey dos' piling up around the house and other things that must be done. Finally I have that total body workout I had on Friday to repeat on Monday.

There are a fair number of folk there, around six. I hop on a recombinant bicycle and idly pedal waiting for the display to come on. I'm not in the mood for 'fat burner' when I notice this button called, "More workouts..."

Hmmmmm.

I go through some options like 'Heart Blowout' and 'Death by Dehydration' before finding one called 'Target Heart Rate.'

That sounds fun!

Here are the rules. You enter your age and weight and whatnot and then the machine makes some suggestions like 'Target Heart Rate 144?' and I say 'sure!' and then it asks 'how long?' and I say two minutes. Next, 'Resting Heart Rate 115?' and I reply back, 'You're the boss!' and then it asks 'How Long?' and I say two minutes. Finally is asks, 'Length of workout' and I say forty minutes.

And we're off. I'm not sure how to play but I start jacking up the level to get my heart rate up but it takes about five minutes and I'm around level 13 on the bike and just dying.

Why this game isn't fun at all!

Around minute five I hit the target heart rate and this countdown clock starts from two minutes. I hold my Heart Rate above 144 for two minutes and the machine backs off the level to get my heart rate down. When it gets to 117 or so another count down clock starts and I get two minutes of relief.

When that's done I have a handle on the game. I want to jack my HR right up there as quickly as I can so that I can get through those two minutes and stall during cool down.

I do pretty well until around minute thirty (ten minutes to go) when I decided I had played enough and I'm frantically trying to figure out how to turn the last ten minutes into a yummy cool down. It is a rest day after all.

I decide to try and hold my HR above 120 and coast out.

The prick machine is wise to me. It must have seen this maneuver before. After a bit of humming along at 120 it goes, 'close enough' and starts the timer. With about four minutes to go it drops me into a higher level which feels a lot like dropping a bike into a 'big ring' gear.

I don't wanna but after a minute or so my addled mind decides to play fair and I let the machine work its will on me. With about thirty seconds to go I hit the target HR.

During cool down I keep wondering, "What have I done?" I have my first unescorted full body workout tomorrow and I should be fresh for that. Oh well, damage done, tomorrow will tell and I'll tell you.

Hectic Saturday

Well this entire day got away from me. I woke up at 5am to get my workout done so I could go see my son wrestle in a tournament. Today is a 'rest' day meaning I'm suppose to do an hour at low intensity. I can take tomorrow off, fat chance but I'm not sure what I'm going to do on that day. Probably practice those 'warm up' drills my trainer has in mind for me and some time on the bike.

Oddly no one is at the gym at this time of day, go figure. I was debating about doing thirty on the elliptical and thirty on the bike. The elliptical decided it for me. I chose quick start and it gives me some insolent, "Sixty minutes or are you...

A PANSY?!"

I push 'Bring it!' and it is on!

Only then did I notice the mistakes I had made, fool that I am. When I got in, I tuned in FoxNews on one TV and Fox on another since that station was showing the beautiful people yakking about how 'tough' their latest shoot was since they had to get up at 4am and act for twelve straight hours before getting their twenty million dollar paycheck.

::rolls eyes::

So I'm humping along on the elliptical when suddenly Fox treacherously switches to infomercials. Some is dude trying to convince me it's in all our interests if I buy Franklin Mint coins and FoxNews doesn't have it's closed caption on so I can't follow much there except some doctor and his former wife are in a battle royal over the kidney he gave her during the days of wine and roses. Life is strange.

But it's quiet and BORING and I'm stuck on this machine because I simply can not get off of it to turn on the radio, so deep is my psychosis.

The gym periodically emits this noise that sounds exactly like someone playing racquetball. Ghosts of past matches I suppose as I trudge along in the haunted gym.

I've got a nice sweat going but I'm not really pushing it, I just want to go the distance with an average heart rate of 120 and it looks like I'm going to do that. Vengeance for my failed attempt on Wednesday.

With about five minutes left another soul enters the gym. He asks if I minded if he turned on the radio. He looks askance at me when I blurt out, "Dear sweet, merciful Lord, please turn on the radio!"

I finish out my routine to The Weight and Baba O'reilly. As I entered cool down I began thinking, back on the 28th of December I lasted four whole minutes on this machine before staggering off it in despair. Today I just went sixty five :-)

I eye the stair climber before I head to the showers.

Not to sound too much the proud papa but my son won a match in his wrestling tournament. His first win! How cool is that? I am eternally grateful that I got to be there when it happened!

Wanna see?

Training Session

Her eyes are everywhere! I'm under constant observation like a lab rat. I must be careful, no eye contact - 'they' can get an instant read on body fat that way, I must blend in.

I thought at the time she was joking last week in the lunchroom with the fingers to the eyes jabbing a finger at me, I'm watching you sign. Now I know better, oh yes indeed I'm wise to this game!

Yesterday, I'm coming out of the cafeteria after running one of those frantic I've got a one-o'clock errands with my (current favorite) lunch of a veggie burger and tater tots. A mixed message I know when suddenly I hear from the second floor balcony, "Whatcha got there?"

Drat! One of the trainer's minions.

I can't really hide the tater-tots since they seemed to have multiplied all over my plate like so many deep fried carbohydrate bunnies but I gamely call out that I have a VEGGIE-burger here... and a PICKLE! Too late, he's gone, probably reporting in to central command. I'll have to hide the tater-tots, donuts and other weaknesses under a layer of lettuce. It's now quite apparent why I see so many folk with monster salads, I've been a fool.

On a slightly more serious note what I'm noticing going on with me now is that there are these little battles running through my head at the checkout line, "Do you REALLY want that Ho Ho? I mean go ahead if you want but you've already put in so much effort attempting to get rid of the seven hundred you ate last year, is it worth it?" I can feel my mindset shifting. Weird. What I don't want to happen is that I become too enamored with that type of reductionism, I want the battles to continue and I want the dark side to occasionally win, just not too often; because, truly the stair climber sucks.

So I show up at the gym this morning and get ready. The trainer is in her office staring into her PC, probably watching YouTube of 'the tater-tot incident' from yesterday. She gets up and pulls out my routine and says to go ahead and do five minutes on the elliptical to get my heart rate up. I comply, curious about what happens next.

Next were these dynamic warm-up exercises and I am forming the impression about midway through that there's nothing 'warm up' about them. Oh yeah, I'm warm and getting sweaty. Apparently I'm not doing my triple lutz correctly which is how I'm feeling about some of these warm-ups, ungainly and very uncoordinated. I pay close attention and try again. She opts for having me do the squat - shoulder flexion & extension of despair with a big rubber ball that I press against the wall. I get what she's trying to do, form is important or you don't suffer as much and its all about getting fit. I'm suppose to do twelve reps of each of these and thennnnnn I'm all warmed up!

Instead I feel like I'm about midway through the workout.

Now I'm looking at the routine having just taken it a few hours ago and I'm staring at this entry called 'SB Wall Squat' and I will tell you true, I don't have a CLUE what that is anymore. Thank heavens for google, it looks like this. Now I remember it and now I remember why I blotted it out of my memory.

Then I did this 'Chest Press Machine' where she was asking about how difficult it was for me near the end of my reps at such and such a weight (50 lbs), "On a scale from one to five, five being the hardest, hows it feel?"

"Seven." My rapidly deteriorating mental acuity having garbled what she said into, "On a scale of five to ten..." A bizarre scale I thought but I'm not the trainer am I?

She looks alarmed, studying me closely, "Oh!"

I hear what she was asking and I say, "Three." Sheesh!

Next, five minutes on the treadmill where she instructs me on how to use that properly, barking out all sorts of commands until the settings are correct while studying my HR monitor. Of course my treacherous shoe lace came undone around minute four. I silently pray she doesn't notice.

"Stop the machine!"

"Oh come on I can make it!" I gasp like those wounded dudes you see in the movies who don't have a prayer.

"Stop the machine!"

I sigh and tie my shoe, stupid shoe lace.

Then on to some lateral pull downs followed by some DB Lunges on a step which are NO FUN!

When I'm all docile and complacent from all this exercise (exhaustion) she says, "OK, now five to ten minutes on the StepMill or the Bike."

I bee line for the bike.

"Um, nooooo. I'm thinking the StepMill today," she says while staring into my eyes with the cold flat stare of the professional fitness trainer. Her whole body language immediately shifting into this weird, "Wanna tangle over this?" posture.

I meekly head towards the stupid StepMill, lamb that I am.

She starts me at level one for about nine seconds before ramping me rapidly up to the dreaded level five. She's paying attention to the HR monitor and me letting me bleat and moan about this outrage until I run out of breath.

She asks, "How much time left? The machine should be counting down from twenty..."

I'm staring around the display trying to find the clock which is the large counting down thing in the upper left hand corner while simultaneously thinking, "Oh GREAT now I have to do math too?"

"About four minutes," I gasp in despair.

"GREAT!"

Um, yeah. Sweat is pouring off of me and I mean that quite literally, just drip drip dripping into this puddle at the lip where the stairs come out.

Around minute three I become delusional as I idly wonder, "Is there any way I could look more attractive then I do now, gasping for breath, lumbering up these steps covered in sweat?" And then it hits me. Flossing! If I had both fists crammed into my mouth working some little string between my teeth while marching up these endless steps every chick in this gym would swoon. I guarantee it!

"How much time left?" calls some distant voice.

Eh? I glance around the display and wheeze out, "About a minute."

"Dial it back to three for your cool down."

Gladly!

After I was done sobbing and finally calming down we wrapped up the routine by doing some core body strength exercises. Pelvic Tilts, Basic Mat Crunch, and Alternating Supermans.

Followed by a five minute cool down which consisted of me heading straight for the shower. Here's the chart, it think it's pretty obvious when I was doing cardio :-)
So here I sit finishing this entry up.

Wanna know a secret? I feel GREAT! Not sure about tomorrow but right here, right now, well it's a good feeling.

Breaking up the Cardio

Yesterday I was seeking advice from two friends who are very serious athletes and have been doing this for a long time. Both are telling me that doing anything at all is good. One of them sent the following advice:

Bottom line is this:
<> 85% anerobic you train in this range to get faster and move to another "competitive" level (Z3)

you don't get the benefits of anaerobic (only pain and suffering) until you spend several weeks (8-12) doing aerobic base building.

during the aerobic phase you mix rest days (Z1) with harder days (Z2). Over time the harder days increase in duration. Initially maybe you spend 15- 20 minutes in Z2 with a 20 minute warm up and 20 minute warm down. each week you increase the Z2 time by 10% to where you eventually can do 45- 60 minutes in Z2 without much trouble. I wouldn't do more than 3-4 days of Z2 work each week. The off days should be 45-60 minutes in Z1 to recover. Every 10-14 days take one day off completely, or go for a long walk. Doing the hard/easy thing keeps you fresh. You can go harder on your hard days and get more benefit. It also keeps you mentally fresh, going out and beating yourself into submission everyday gets old and you burn out.

Even if you don't compete, I would still recommend doing some Z3 work eventually. Its tough, but it keeps you from getting stale and hitting a plateau. On a bike/run you can accomplish it (z3) pretty easy by riding a hilly course or doing hill repeats.

Stick to it consistently and you will see results, but it will take some time.

So, I was sorta doing that (OK, Okay I wasn't sorta doing that - sheesh!) but I'm going to pay a bit more heed to it now and so I came in today with the mindset that today is a 'light' day. So assuming my max heart rate is 173 then according to the above:

• Z1 less than 113bpm
• Z2 113 - 148bpm (130 is 75%)
• Z3 > 148bpm

I also know that my core body strength needs to be built up so I'm going to mess around with trying some 'planks' after my workout, because I'm certain they're easy and all, mmhmm.

Ambling on the bike felt OK and even though I only did 111bpm average it was a rest day. I'm shooting the breeze with people in the gym, cracking jokes a bit. When did that happen? Anyway it's cool and makes the time go better.

Yesterday my trainer sent me my exercise routine. It's a spreadsheet filled with currently meaningless gibberish that will soon become numbers I understand and then begin to obsess over a lot like I'm beginning to obsess about my heart rate. What fun!

I probably shouldn't tell you this but, um, I'm cheating on my weight, I keep sneaking peeks at it like the little perv I am. Big mistake and I've got to cut that crap out. Today my weight caught me, gasped, stormed up to me and bitch-slapped me with an additional half pound over yesterdays weight. Sigh, I'll try and behave.

Naturally I thought the scale was off and needed recalibrating. So I zero it out and, aha! it is off!!! I begin slowly teasing the pound thing up snickering like Wile E. Coyote as the number climbed. Right around three pounds I realized I was standing on the scale. BLUSH! Stupid scale. It was zeroed.

As I was going through the cafeteria some ladies called out from their table, "Where's the blog entry?" I let them know its in progress and I'm thinking, "Boy there sure are a whole lot of girls hoping and praying I'll get better looking... HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" :-)

I can't wait for tomorrow! Six AM tomorrow my trainer instructs me on new and exciting implements of destruction and after my trip to the ER I'll let you know how that little escapade went!

Here's the chart for today - I think I only did one thing wrong, I needed to go LONGER. Be well