Dysfunctional Fetishistic Facebookoplagia

OK I stumbled across this article for all your poor bastards who just can't help yourselves with your pathetic facebook addiction, unlike me. You can thank me by sending cash to my Cayman account.

It's a riveting article, not that I read it. I have a life and don't need some nanny lecturing me about, "While there is currently no such thing as a medically blessed diagnosable 'Facebook addiction' or 'Facebook addiction disorder' that a health or medical professional could categorically state you're suffering from, addictive behaviors have common threads that can lead to dysfunctional socializing and obsessive behaviors." Because God knows if "they" do come up with something diagnosable I'll never hear the end of it from our beloved press; facebook treatment centers will be springing up all over the place like methadone clinics and I'll watch my taxes inch even higher.

So get a grip gosh darn it before dysfunctional fetishistic facebookoplagia (oh dear Lord I just named it!) engulfs us all and we didn't even know we had it until some asocial maladroit started whining about not having enough friends so we all suck and have a problem.

The only thing I found mildly interesting about the article I didn't read was the following pic:

What on God's green earth is she looking at???!!! And if the dude is suffering from dysfunctional fetishistic facebookoplagia (I'm assuming he's the one with the problem it looks like the girl has other issues) he looks pretty happy about it.