Back On The Farm...

I'm standing at the edge of the farm looking around and deciding what to do. Naturally I can't make up my mind, all I know is my routine is so busted that I'm starting to wonder if I can ever get it back or if I even want to.

Bill needs routine though but what does that mean? With exercise there's a required regimentation, a discipline that must be adhered to or the whole thing goes spinning wildly out of control. Cracks are showing all over the place, tiny little cracks but like Egg Shen says, "See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small."

I'm not sure what I'm trying to tell you. Maybe, this ain't easy? That you're gonna hit rough patches where you just want to shut down, give up and return to the easier path. I'm starting to get a taste of that, and I've been at this, what? ::counts fingers:: nine months or so, not even a year.

I don't know what to do, I'm in uncharted territory. Well unless I head down the well worn path of giving up. But there's nothing you can do to help, this is a personal battle, as in very personal.

So I'm trying crap and very obviously whining about my lack of finding a panacea. Sorry about that, call it a coping mechanism.

I'm not ready to give up... yet. The cost/benefit is waayyyyy on the benefit side but honestly, after awhile, this workout stuff is a pain in the ass. So whatcha gonna do bobalou?

• I keep thinking about my wife screaming her fool head off at the kid's soccer games, "JUST ONE MORE!" So I'm getting up and making myself go into the gym just one more day.
• I think about how desperate she is to buy me new clothes because I'll look better in them and how proud she and my family are of me.
• I think about how in general I feel better, and feel better about myself.
• I'm using this Lose It! iPhone app again and being ruthlessly honest with what I'm eating. I'm weighing daily (currently at 203) and not really trying to get to 190 at the moment. Just keeping an eye on things, a holding pattern.
• I'm trying (halfheartedly) to play Bubbles BINGO game and I'll describe that maybe tomorrow.

And at the moment, that's about it.

So I'm pretty much off the farm.

I stroll into the gym around 5:30am and hop on an upright bike figuring I'll do a twenty minute 'tempo' workout. I modified it though and decided after around five minutes of warm up to set the level at 7 and hammer a cadence over 100 for fifteen minutes. Some music helped (a lot) and other slower ones didn't.

IronMan is sitting next to me on a recumbent eating his biscuits and gravy, lounging around yakking to anyone who'll listen about whatever is floating through that pretty head of his at the moment. He reminded me so much of me that I figured this was his way of payback when I'm in a similar loquacious mood. Plus it's Wednesday his normal day off so anything he does is extra benefit.

I wrap up, hop off the bike, wipe it down and end up heading down the hallway towards the basketball court with IronMan and awesomeGirl to do some of those bear crawls/lung walks. awesomeGirl asks how many we normally do?

"Seventeen"

She stares at me with distrusting owl eyes, "Oh you do NOT!"

Well OK we do two but in binary that's expressed as 10. I think I'm going to start expressing all my repetitions in binary, so my fifteen 'situps/getups' would be 1111, impressive!

Anyway IronMan and awesomeGirl kick my butt getting down and back way ahead of me.

sigh

After I'm done vomiting and wishing I was dead I head back into the gym and do part of Bubbles' ABS routine. Not all of it, though.

I'm a bad, bad boy.

I'm off the farm.

but what will you do when

you run it through and

you can't get me back on the farm?

- Aimee Mann