For a Few Carrots More

I coast down the driveway and nearly wreck when a doe and two fawn stroll across the street in front of me. We glare balefully at each other annoyed at this interruption in our respective "me" times. This neighborhood is going hell in a hand-basket with this sort of riff-raff wandering the streets in the early morning hours, like sullen teenagers busted after curfew. I'm wondering when I'll see a wolf-pack come tearing down the street in some real life "You are THERE" Discovery Channel thing, ripping into the tiny mob with carnivorous delight.

I don't know who the deer's representatives are in our little community but I'd like to hire them. I'm skating the edge of serious jail time, a nickle at least, simply by hurting their feelings much less writing this heretical creed. There's nothing we can do about them except hope they'll go away, which they wont, why would they? My wife's garden is just too good. What I once thought was something of a majestic animal has now become a giant squirrel through over population. It wont be long till I'm shoving the things out of the way just to get the morning paper.

I head out on the bike with the intention of doing fifty miles. I have absolutely no plan except going past the point where I got lost, continue until the odometer hits 25 miles and then head back. goFast has routes but he's been at this longer than I. I'm gonna head out and see what I can see. I'm carrying two Clif bars and my camera in my trunk. I've got a cell if I can't get home and two water bottles. It had rained esrlier and I watched water drops dance in front of my little headlight. Its six in the morning and I'm off to a later start then I had originally planned having dawdled drinking coffee and listening to music.

It's still dark making me feel sad about oncoming fall followed by dreaded winter. I don't know how far into fall I'll be able to go with bike rides. I ride out feeling pretty good waiting for my legs to warm up, this is the first serious ride I've done in, oh I don't know, two or three weeks? I'm all about the distance here, grinding it out, not the time so I plan to take pics of things that catch my eye and might give you an idea of what you can see on a long ride to nowhere. I wish I was a better writer so I could give you an idea of what if feels like beside the boring pain.

I plan on stopping for breakfast at the ol' rock quarry which looked pretty cool in the morning. I sat on my rock and listened to the machines while munching on a Clif bar and drinking water.

The Ol' Rock Quarry

Bill's Eating Rock

I hop back on the bike and was riding out toward the little town I accidentally went through last time, recalling a quaint little graveyard.

I know I'm stopping a lot heading out but I also know that WONT be an option heading back, I'll be tired if not exhausted and my wife is very tolerant of this 'interest' of mine but I can't get too into it and still be a functioning member of the household if I decide to be a little selfish about it. My son just flat out thinks I'm insane.

The Town

A Town Landmark

My legs are starting to burn pretty good but I'm OK. I'm in uncharted territory and I'm thinking I might want to start planning as I move more into this distance venue. I'm in a place called nowhere and it's quiet and suddenly I notice it's quite beautiful.


I'm feeling pretty good, in this weird mental state when I notice this water feature as I pass some house.

I thought the water wheel sounded really cool. I didn't notice the actual house until I'm on my way back. The house looks like something kitschy you'd buy at Hallmark, I made a note to definitely take a pic of that place - next time. It's almost a study in madness like the result of living out in the middle of a field for a bit too long with nothing better to do than go with a Hallmark theme on the house. Nothing on the owners but - oh my goodness.

I continue on when I notice I'm going downhill, fast. I hate it for the simple reason that I know I'm going to have to go back up this hill shortly and my legs no likee. I rewrite Paint it Black, "I see a downhill and I want it to be flat..." I'm beginning to feel the onset of the delusions and I had better heed them. The bottom of the hill puts me in some small burg and I'm going over a bridge with a nice river flowing beneath me, probably a little flusher than normal due to the recent rains.

On the other side of the bridge the road forks. DARN IT. I can turn left but that's away from the road I ultimately have to get back to to get home. I don't wanna so I opt for turning right, go up this sharp little hill, hang a hard right at the top of it passing 45MPH sign and gaze at this itsy bitsy country road that reminds me a lot of the road leading to my son's band camp. There is a bed of sunflowers at the top, all mourning my passing should I opt to go that route.

I turn around and peep out the other route going up some other steep hill, just missing my future route should I opt to follow goFast's distance training program and crossing the legendary route 37 which I know I'll do. I want to drink the water at Magnetic Springs and see if I stick to my bike which is steel.

The clock and my body are telling me it's time to head home. I hump back up that hill leading out of the burg destroying my thighs and finally pass my first group of bikers looking all fresh and perky. I loathe them but wave while some girl gives me a snappy "good morning." I'm starting to hurt a bit but I need more miles if I'm going to make fifty.

I hang a right on the road I originally missed that time I got lost and got a little taste of what goFast euphemistically calls the rollers. The rollers are just this string of hills that stretch out before you. If you're fresh they're no big deal but Bill is far from fresh. His butt and back hurt and are starting to hurt more. The rollers take a fair amount out of me.

I hit another junction of sorts and decide to turn right. While I'm thinking about it I hop off the bike and check in with my wife figuring she's awake. I eat half of my remaining Clif bar while informing her of where I'm at. I tell her I'm doing fine but I can tell I'm getting tired. I'm an endorphin enhanced babbling fool. I'm stretching and yakking and reluctantly get back on the bike. I can barely crank the pedals and nearly fall over.

Sheesh! I'm more tired than I thought. I'm rapidly forming the opinion that stopping the bike is not the way to go.

After two hours of a rather rough wooing my butt and bike saddle decide to get married. My butt isn't so sure ("Stop! You're hurting me!") but the damn saddle is relentless telling my bottom, "I love you long time baby!"

The acrimonious divorce came ten minutes later after my rear realized that the saddle was nothing but a liar. My whole body is in pain now, particularly my lower back, legs and of course butt. I might have started being 'one with the bike' but now my entire body is rejecting it like some transplanted kidney.

I don't bonk but I have to get off the bike! I have about four miles or so to go to get back home. I stop and stumble about stretching out my very pissed off back and thighs.

Where Bill Stopped.

Back on the bike and I've decided that first of all I'm going to stop wearing underwear for the rest of my life, or at least when I'm on these distance rides. I haven't made up my mind. I'm wearing disguised bike shorts and they have this chemise padding or something that is suppose to add additional padding between you and the seat but you're not suppose to wear undies. I now understand. The cotton undies feel like sandpaper and if I wasn't in the middle of some suburb I'd rip the damn things off right now but it's too late in the morning and I don't want to wreck some soccer mom's life as she drives out on some errand with her kids forever scarred by the knowledge there are half naked middle aged men riding their bikes nearby. Gosh I want those things off me! Maybe my butt and saddle would get along better...

I ponder these mysteries as I approach home entirely shot now armed with the knowledge that I COULD have done fifty if I had planned better countered by my range which currently appears to be about thirty-five.

At least I had a better ride than goFast.

One of those days... headed out with intoIt and anotherNutJob for a 60-80... 30 miles in I blow a spoke on my relatively new Neuvation rear wheel. Decide to go on with my brake dragging the whole way. Then at 45 my newish front tire sidewall blows... not the tube but the tire! I am done. Woke up my son to drive out and get me for the second time this year.

I get back home and stumble around the front of the house like a drunk, unzipping my windbreaker and sweating like no tomorrow. I stretch a little, head in and give my wife a brief update on the ride while boiling some water for tea. Tea is a new thing with me, I like it in addition to coffee. My body is changing, I'm changing. Maybe for the better if I can get over my inhibitions and ride without undies.

I'm glad to be alive and wish to express this to my wife who refuses to let me grope her pronouncing that I'm "sweaty and gross." After the shower I'm no longer sweaty but still gross I guess my wife says no to my amorous advances. Why not? The kid's minds are currently deep in the gravity well of that black hole called SpongeBob SquarePants. So what if she's cleaning or doing something productive...

Oh well, best go spend time with my harsh mistress; as I wipe down my Trek 520 for the first time in my life I idly wonder if a horse might be less demanding. The Aleve I gulped down is taking hold and I'm feeling entire muscle groups start to unwind as I wipe the grime off the bike. I use to think these wipe downs were something silly but now I realize that I'm actually inspecting the bike as I doll it up some. This is important. Now I know the bike has had a good going over so I'm less likely to have a mechanical issue the next time I'm out on some long ride.

And for all my complaining, all the pain, there will be another long ride where I drink magnetic water and cross the fifty mile mark. Whatever it is about this 'thing' I love it too much to let go now. I love this biking crap. I love my life.

I check my stats from the Garmin.

65,635 calories burned! WOW! That seems to be a lot! I did suffer for them though, still best get a sanity check from Bubbles algorithm.

7.56cal/min X 190mins = 1,434 calories.

I suspect that is a nearer truth. sigh

The things I do for a few carrots more.