They Say It's Your Birthday

I just want to wish a very

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

to my sweet wife!!! Wanna see her cake? Thought so...

I could explain the whole Hannah Montana thing but why bother? My wife will be happy to fill you in should you choose to ask her while wishing her all the best on her special day.

The trainers even decided to hold a special event for my lovah, just for her on this wonderful day! They'll be over at the big house trying to increase membership to the gym. I have mixed emotions on that since I might have to shove some FNG off a machine I want to use. What if there are lines? GASP! I need to buy some more mace make plans!

Last night, after all the big, big stars went into the that Chinese theater and started their orgy of self congratulation, leaving my wife forlorn at the thought of no more gowns, we sat down and watched Michael Clayton. This kept me up late and I'm paying dues today. You might want to keep your distance, I'm certain to be a joy.

I forced myself out of bed at 4:45am and into the gym by holding the mental equivalent of a Luger to my head. Today is weigh-in and that little fact is at the back of my head. Turnout is somewhat sparse. Everyone in the grips of a late February lethargy. This is the time of year when my thoughts turn towards... suicide.

I watch ponyTail stall as long as possible before finally mounting the stair climber. She's a better athlete than I am this morning. I wouldn't do it, I think my knee's about ready. I consult AT Everest for wisdom. She's her usual upbeat self and says, "Just get on the thing and tell yourself you're only going to do five and when you get there see if you can keep going."

sigh

She's right of course. I wont go through life in the grips of Climacophobia. I just wont, darn it!

I weigh in. I lost no weight over the course of the week. Boogers! Now I must suffer because I have to face the facts. I was back sliding in the diet department - it's obvious. Ice cream sandwiches, though 'mini' ones I would eat two. I'm certain the birthday cake didn't help either.

I'm a wicked, wicked man who must atone for his erring ways.

See ya at the salad bar. I'm the bitter one, on the left.