Back to it

I gave you an earful yesterday so I'll just mention that I was in the gym today along with awesomeGirl, goodMood and ponyTail. Even MarathonMan was there but no IronMan :-(

I did the interval thing along with some ABS and listened to ponyTail's plans to turn her house into a second sun using Christmas lights.

"You'll be able to see my house from space!"

 

The Ass is the First to Go

Oh my, where to begin? You guys should know by now for me, at this moment in my life it's all about the bike. Well biking anyway, I don't know why but I do loveth it so. So I made plans to purchase a serious (by most standards) road bike in the spring of 2010, a Modone 4.7 to be precise.

bikerBabe blew that out of the water with one ad.

$700 dollars off the bike I wanted was just too good a deal to pass up, the problem was it wasn't Black Friday, it was Thanksgiving and I was strolling through a park with my dad, wife and son on some sort of weird power-walk turkey trot sort of thing in a vain attempt to pay Thanksgiving dinner forward.

I was thinking about 'the hill.' Obsessing about it. I wanted to know if I could take it on the new bike I didn't yet have. I was pretty sure I could take it, but how fast? It's about eight tenths of a mile of pure pain. There are a lot of these nightmares around my fathers house, mile long thigh crushers. The major problem being they were not bike friendly, thin twisty horrors where you could get nailed by a car even if you were careful. This one looked like this:

And after you rounded the bend at the top of the above picture looked like this:

And don't let the top of the hill fool you, it goes somewhat flat and then up you go again before hitting a series of nasty rollers. To the Garmin it looked like this (shown until my dad rescued my son and I in the car):

While my son and I were trudging up the hill the Garmin was spitting out fun numbers like 24% grade but generally hung out around 17%. I have to try it this summer. So that's two little promises, this hill and a century. Weeeee!

Wednesday, before heading to my folks I was in the gym doing the interval thing. awesomeGirl and goodMood were there too but alas no IronMan. The reason I'm tossing this out in a non sequitur sort of way is because I was fairly active over this Holiday and I'll be curious about my weight on Monday. Also to let IronMan know that I've still got an eye on him.

There's no escaping IronBill's baleful glare! Do you hear me IronMan?!

Um, yeah, that should cover it.

So Black Friday rolled around and I had to get up at 4:30am to drag my son to a nearby store so that he could get this XBox he'd been wanting. He actually earned the coin for it but the place was a zoo and I thank the everlasting Lord that he didn't want a Wii, we'd still be in line. Then we headed back home so I could purchase Precious, er, the bike.

Precious is going to be something of a icon for me. It is the culmination of nearly a year's work and hopefully something I will enjoy for the next decade. I honestly can't wait until I can put some serious miles on it.

Wanna see?

By the time it was purchased and configured and all that jazz it was too late to ride, but I'm pretty proud of it and what it means to me, my current accomplishments.

Saturday rolled around and I found myself in spin class with my wife and son. I don't know why. My wife was spin curious, my daughter was not so opted for the pool and my son decided to give it a whirl. We got there about fifteen minutes before class (late) and when we got in there all the shiny new bikes were taken so we got out the old ones and set up. I could not get my bike sized correctly and that made me cranky but by the time I got the straps for the cages correct it was time to spin.

This was a markedly different course than the one I took from Bill. First I was positioned poorly, right at the focal point of the two blaring speakers emanating all sorts of spin music. The instructor opted for those McDonalds Can I Take Your Order headsets spewed a bunch of unintelligible mush from them.

"OK, I want you to muwha mus offne mumble mumble. But it's critical that you mushmouth mutter gibberish!"

Effectively it boiled down to keeping your eye on her and when she stood up, I stood up, when she pedaled fast, I pedaled fast. Towards the end of the class the music began to drive notes into my ears like railroad spikes and I ended up shoving my fingers into my ears trying to quiet things down a bit. About midway through the class my wife hopped off her bike and just left, the pansy! She went and checked on our daughter rolls eyes but came back in to finish up after her massage and latte.

It was a pretty good class, sorta. I mean I got a good workout with a maxHR of 154 (77%) and an average HR of 137 for fifty four minutes but the one thing I took away from it was:

Get to spin class early enough to get a good bike location and bike.

And then I took Precious out that afternoon for a very small jaunt, three miles. It was interesting 'clipping in' and playing around with the new shifters. It was also fairly cold.

Today (Sunday) I just had to attempt something a little more fun; however it was windy as all get out. So I bundled up and put on a windbreaker and headed out for a jaunt around a local park. The total ride was eleven and a half miles, the 7.71 was actually on the bike trail which only had three stop signs on it. There was a fair amount of pedestrians on the path but it looks like the bike has added about 2mph on what I normally do. The last time I did the park I averaged 12.7mph, this time it was 14.8.

I'm already out of shape for biking, my butt hurt and it felt like I had too much weight on my hands. Both of these issues can be solved by riding more and some tinkering. I am DYING to get out on a seriously long ride, which will be spring I guess. Until then I'm going to have to master the art of cleating in and out of the pedals. There's so much to learn - I LOVE this bike and lifestyle!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be seeing you.

Wicked Worms

wickedWoman sends me a URL titled, 'Spoonful of Sugar' Makes The Worms' Lifespan Go Down. I had no idea wickedWoman had worms! She hides her hellish affliction with such stoic grace that truly inspires me! Maybe I can write some tragic novel about her and make a bundle on the movie rights. I'll have to find out how she got worms, the poor dear. Probably poor diet choices like too much asparagus. We eat crap for a reason wickedWoman!

So there you have it, medical proof that a death doughnut a week will keep the worms away! If only wormyWoman had listened! OH! I probably shouldn't call her that, she might not have succumbed to her awful worms yet. I really hope she can clear this malady up so I don't have to name her wormyWoman. That would make me sad, so very sad. But I can tell the worms are already effecting her mind, making her say things like, "Stop eating sugar!" and "Death Doughnuts cause worms!" so that her worm infestation might live.

On other fronts, I had an 'ok' workout today. IronMan showed up Death Doughnutless illustrating that he might have purged the dark sausage. goodMood, awesomeGirl and AT Everest were there along with evil Bubbles, evilBubbles you say?

mmhmm

With her sidekick darkIronman. Obviously he's not entirely free of the dark sausage scourge.

I'm standing on one of those aerobic step thingies, surveying the gym, feeling somewhat slightly godlike from the endorphins and definitely minding my own business! When darkIronman plops a BOSU ball down in front of me. What could I do with such a challenge to my masculinity?

Naturally I had to do a lunge on it.

evilBubbles' head snaps up from the trainers desk like a targeting radar coming online. She begins issuing commands like a demonic drill sergeant before coming over for a closer looksee, "Suck that bellybutton in! Don't bend over! Keep your back straight! I said, 'Place the arch of your foot on the center of the ball!' sheesh!"

So now I'm doing a front lunge off the step onto the BOSU and then shoving off the BOSU back onto the step.

"I'll give that one an 8.5," she says, slightly mollified, and then goes all introspective when I shove off the ball too hard forcing the leg I shoved off with to go over the step into a back lunge position so that I could keep my balance.

She thinks I'm onto something, "Do it again."

So now I'm doing a front lunge onto a BOSU ball, pushing off that into a back lunge before coming up on the step and doing a 3/4 squat.

'One' is doing the lunges on both legs. evilBubbles is back at her desk keeping an eye on me while I learn this new nightmare. It's a lot like surfing when you plant a foot on the BOSU and you're slightly off balance. I had both arms out, fighting for balance.

From across the room evilBubbles calls out, "How many fingers am I holding up?" before snapping her hand out of sight.

"None."

"Five! I was holding five fingers up."

"But then you put your hand down!" I called out while going all wobbly on the ball.

"You need to keep your head up and focus on a distant point. It will help with your balance."

I go all whiny, "But how will I make sure 'the arch of my foot is on the center of the ball' huh? HUH?" pleased with my genius.

evilBubbles sighs, "OK, first make sure you step on the center of the ball AND THEN look up and focus on a distant point. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"One... BUBBLES!"

I could do about three before getting too wobbly, so my pals darkIronman and goodMood thought it would be a good idea to add dumbbells (eight pounders) for 'balance.' I did around two or three more and headed for the lockers.

A fun day at the gym!

PS: send all donations to:

Save wormyWoman c/o Bill at this blog.

Thanks!

The Path to Righteousness

The offering is laid before my magnificent feet as DarkIronman grovels for forgiveness, "IronBill I have expunged the dark sausage and beg forgiveness!"

With fiery eyes I gaze down upon the meager benefaction, "And what have you brought forth as penance for thy many, many so very many crimes DarkIronman?"

"Death Doughnuts! A lot of them!"

Hmmm, something of a mixed message I muse, my mind racing at nearly normal speed (look it's early in the morning here - 'k?!) I lock in on a plan that might save my life!

I shriek, "I AM NOT APPEASED!!!"

"But half of the death doughnuts are cream filled... I mean I couldn't get all of them cream filled with the economy being what it is!"

Good point but I certainly can't let him know that. Still even one of those doughnuts might help me in getting out of the doghouse. I managed that by forgetting to turn off the alarm this morning having woken up early. So imagine my 'dead Bill walking' expression as I'm strolling about the house with my morning cup of joe and that bad boy went off, "BEEP BEEP BEEP." Once I recognized it, that klaxon sent me sprinting into the bedroom whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." over and over while I turned the alarm off.

The huddled shape, buried under covers muttered back, "You're dead."

Recalling that horror I stare balefully down on DarkIronman, "You know what you must do..."

He looks at me blankly before it dawns on him, "No... noooooooo.... it's been a week, I can't!"

"Yessssss, YOU MUST EXERCISE!!!"

Sullenly picking up the box of Krispy Death Doughnuts DarkIronman heads for the gym.

In a fit of spite I call out, "Every day this week!"

"Every day?! Even Thursday?"

Well it is a Holiday, "OK all you have to do on Thursday is bear crawl to the fridge anytime you want to eat."

It will take awhile for the healing to begin but I'm pretty sure DarkIronman will shortly be the IronMan we all know and love. Still there are remnants of DarkIronman peering out. For example he queried a bit too deeply about my holiday plans scheming on days he could blow off at Bob Evans no doubt. So help me help him, I'll particularly rely on JRock on Thanksgiving Day to make sure his form is correct on the bear crawls (upright is considered bad form); I think she'll like that.

On the way to work I leave a cream filled death doughnut on my wife's desk. Thanks for the Death Doughnuts DarkIronman!

Pray for me and then DarkIronman, in that order and...

Have a great day!

The Fall of IronMan

I listen to the litany of feeble excuses with dubious ears. I'm told by JRock that WimpyMan, er IronMan is dealing with work issues and believe you me I can follow that but I saw JRock this morning and apparently IronMan decided that baking was more important exercise. She confirmed he was in a maid's outfit humming Miley Cyrus hits while baking his buttered tarts or whatever it was and that all sorts of greasy food was being consumed.

A single tear rolled down my cheek.

I hate to say it but... but... IronMan has gone over to... The Sausage Side!!! and has become DarkIronMan.

Since I know none of you have the will or the sheer brainlessness to oppose DarkIronMan I'm guessing you're looking to someone stupid enough to create a nonexistent problem and then address it in a fit of irresponsibility and even though the federal government comes to mind I'm thinking someone closer to the problem otherwise it'll take decades to clear the bureaucracy.

ponyTail? Nah, she's far too logical, and goodMood and awesomeGirl suffer from the same 'logic' malady.

That leaves... ME!

Yesssss I feel the transformation occurring. Only Bill can challenge DarkIronMan and his lethargic sausage eating ways and oppose him! I alone shall stand as a shining beacon of goodness and all that is right with the gym rat way of life! I SHALL BECOME A VERITABLE ICON OF DIETARY HOLINESS (well except for ice cream and death doughnuts of course, I mean lets not get carried away here, maybe cookies... buttered popcorn at the movies, we're not savages - where was I? Oh yeah...)

AND LIKE A HIGH PRIEST SHOULD DARKIRONMAN EVER SET FOOT IN THE GYM AGAIN I SHALL BATTLE HIM UNTIL HE REPENTS AND CASTS THE DARK SAUSAGE FROM HIS BOWELS!!!

But not in the gym, the casting out of the dark sausage should only occur in the potty... alone, I mean I don't want to be around when that happens. I'll trust him if he says he's cast out the dark sausage, good enough for me. I'll take a waver on that whole trust but verify thing.

YESSSSSSSS I FEEEEEL IT - I ACCEPT MY DESTINY

TREMBLE WITH FEAR DARKIRONMAN AND...

BEHOLD YOUR NEMESIS...

IronMan Vows to Become WimpyMan!!! Plus a comment from a spinner!

"You know like 'Wimpy' from the old Popeye cartoons? I do love my bacon triple cheeseburgers," said WimpyMan er IronMan when reached in his secret lair known only as 'The Bed.' Polishing off the burger The Athlete Formally Known as IronMan daintily began eating a series of six White Castle cheeseburgers while sipping from a large chocolate milkshake, "I eat the 'sliders' to flush out the system, you know, keep things moving along," he explains while motioning JRock to fan him harder.

"Honestly, I could get use to this," he sighs before 'allowing' WickedWoman to change the channel on the 54 inch flatscreen he had installed at the foot of his bed. "I'm afraid you have to go, my stories are coming on."

I haven't seen IronMan in about a week. I'm not certain why he's not about so I'm going to make up a bunch of stuff until he decides to drag his butt back into the gym. Since this is a blog and therefor a form of the written word I expect that these meandering tales and outright distortions of truth will shortly become fact in the gym rats minds and a rescue party will be deployed.

IronMan, it is time to stop hitting the snooze button, the BOSU ball misses you.

goodMood beat me in today. While I was chatting it up and casually working through my routine he was pounding through it like a possessed work-a-holic. I stupidly signed up for the lose weight over the holidays thing the gym is doing. I think it starts on Monday. I clocked in on the gym scale at 207 and on the locker scale at 205 so my clothes apparently weigh a lot!

I was trying to make my loss a bit more significant by adding ankle weights and when Bubbles spotted that I shoved in a few three pound dumbbells into my socks.

Bubbles spotted those too.

sigh

She was asking me all sorts of nonsense about goals and whatnot. My goal is not to put on weight and that's it.

OH! OH! I just got this in the comments and had to share it with you so it won't be missed (I don't get many comments! I made some slight changes for readability)

So you've seen the dark room full of Under Armour-clad bodies pedaling furiously, channeling Lance Armstrong while they cycle to techno-infused music. Or caught a whiff when they exited class, looking as if they had jumped into a pool with their clothes on. And you've thought: No way am I getting within a five-foot radius of indoor cycling class. 

I know how it is. But don't be put off -- really.

As a cycling instructor, I have seen lots of people -- from exercise newbies to gym regulars -- hesitantly climb on a bike and start pedaling, then proudly walk up to me after their first class and report that it was not the torture session they had anticipated. In fact, they actually enjoyed it.

Indoor cycling, pioneered by ultra-endurance athlete Jonathan Goldberg in the late '80s under the trademarked name Spinning, was originally created to serve the winter training needs of cyclists and people looking for a non-impact cardiovascular alternative to the treadmill and elliptical machine.

So why all the fear?

Indoor cycling is mysterious; people don't have a lot of awareness about what exactly it entails. People think that because the exercise session is on a bike, it is only for fit people or elite cyclists, but that is not true.

Cycling is about attaining and achieving fitness, working at a good aerobic pace, not walking out and thinking, damn, that was so hard!

Even though cycling is classified as a group fitness class, participants control a session's intensity more than they do in step or aerobics classes that involve lots of choreography.

Classes typically last 50 minutes, cover 15 to 20 miles and burn 500 calories or more while engaging the major leg muscles and the core. By adjusting the resistance knob attached to the brake at the front of the bike, you can tailor the class to your fitness level or mimic climbing hills or sprinting on flat roads.

Your first and only goal was to stay on the bike

I offer the following tips for newcomers to indoor cycling:

• Get to class about 15 minutes early so the instructor can set you up on the bike, explain safety cues.
• Even though cycling is non-impact, you can injure your knees and back if you are not fitted properly. If the instructor does not give you special attention, leave and find another instructor.
• Bring a full water bottle, a towel and lightweight clothing. Avoid wearing long pants, especially those with flared legs that could get caught in the pedal spindles. Ordinary sneakers are fine.
• Don't feel compelled to keep up with the instructor or other participants. Use your first class to play around with the resistance and watch how the class is conducted.

Bill's newest "handler" Bill the spinning instructor!

Thanks Bill!!!

As Always My Thighs Burn For You

"5:45am Tomorrow BE THERE"

I stare at the little yellow post-it stuck to my monitor thinking, "Oh great, D-TOSRV is calling me out." These things always start small but the pressure is continuous. Eventually you'll crack or they'll give up. I don't want them to give up since I'm pretty sure they're right about this. I check my work calendar, this is doable, there's a nice block of time for potential napping in the afternoon.

This whole thing is about 'spin class' at a local rec center. I've been whining about being in the 'doldrums' and whatnot so, why not? I'm merely apprehensive since I've spun before. I ain't no virgin darling, I know what you're asking of me. I pack for the gym that evening but slightly differently so that I have the option of going to spin if the mood is upon me.

As I fall asleep I think about The Doughnut Incident from the previous Friday. I'm coming off the elevators headed to the cafeteria, minding my own business as is my nature when I hear, "Why don't you have a bagel instead?" coming from a hallway to my right.

I stop dead in my tracks, back up and look down the hallway. Two girls have another girl pressed against a wall (I wont name names since only one of the three have a name. I'll temporarily name the waffling one um, waffle.) I immediately discern what's going on here, this is the dark underbelly of exercise in action. Being a man of principle I throw down my philosophical gantlet, "Eat a death doughnut." After all 'Bill' is synonymous with ruinous damnation.

I've never seen waffle before but I can tell she's torn and it is a tough call. You're trying to lose weight but an occasional doughnut is or can be something of a payoff. I have no idea if waffle has payed her dues or not, she's not part of the morning crew but I don't have time for a background check here, there are doughnuts to eat.

Head down, wickedly grinning while staring at me through her wicked eyebrows, one of the camp bagel crew wickedly (I'm glad I'm not naming names here, nervous giggle, wrings hands) says, "You heard what he said, he called it a death doughnut!"

Ruinous Damnation squares off against Wicked Goodness.

The other camp bagel member steps back expecting a brawl.

waffle merely looks bored.

We go back and forth making up facts and statistics when I finally lay it on the line saying, "They lost me when they banned cheeseburgers!"

I stroll off abandoning waffle to her two 'handlers.' I have no idea what the outcome was, but when I woke up this morning I decided to show up for spin. It was a combo of the doughnut incident, doldrums and Bubbles' goofy attitude of "What the heck! I'll try it!"

I show up, pay my eight bucks (thanks bikerBabe for floating me two of them) and start setting up the bike. The spin instructor is named Bill so I shouldn't have any problem with his name when I go all endorphiny and start hallucinating. I size the bike, have Bill check it and start doing lazy spins as a warm up while looking about the class.

It's a full class (eighteen?) and three of the members are my 'handlers,' bikerBabe, J-TOSRV and D-TOSRV. I think all three of them clip in, I use the cages. I'm in the back row on the far left with bikerBabe to my right. The TOSRVs are in front of me, slightly off to the right. J-TOSRV warms up at this incredible cadence, spinning the pedals like egg beaters and I'm checking out the others. I have a dude in front of me, slowCadence who must have had the resistance jacked up so high that he didn't have a prayer 'sprinting.' There was baseball cap girl and a couple of ponytails, one of the ponytails had her ponytail up way high on the back of her head. All in all about 50/50 male to female.

Bill starts blasting music and it is on. He's a 'turn it up' kind of guy, rarely backing off the resistance. It took about 15 minutes for me to get to 80% maxHR but I held that for about thirty five minutes. The heart chart reads like a tempo workout but the class itself had a fair number of sprints. I'm not sure why my heart chart doesn't look more like an interval workout, maybe I did something wrong.

I was able to get into the zone for a large part of the class and would glance around from time to time. Everyone's quiet and locked into their personal circle of hell, I found it interesting that all of the women (well the non bikers anyway, I call them that because of their swaying. It might be a spin thing, don't know, but on the bike it's wasted energy) were rolling to the beat of the music, almost like you were in a dance club. High ponytail woman had her head down so her ponytail stuck straight up, all of her rocking earned her the name dementedBush.

As I worked I made the mental note to spend more time on the elliptical since the motion of standing on the bike and the elliptical are very similar. Standing was tougher than sitting, particularly sprinting. I had difficulty not being jerky on a standing sprint.

Spin classes are cool because they're varied to the whim of the instructor so they're not boring. After we were done Bill put us through a cool down that included some stretching once we got off the bike.

The class costs $8 but you can get a break by purchasing packages ($50 for 10 classes or $5/class or $65 for 20 classes or $3.25/class). I enjoyed it a lot and those prices can't be beat.

Check it out, you know you want to.

Thanks to my 'handlers' who encouraged me. It was a great break from the routine, a great workout (I weighed in at 201 but I'm certain a lot of that was water weight) and yeah, I'll do it again.

While I was on the bike I pondered AMC's The Prisoner. I watched this with my son and we both enjoyed it. It is strange but I think it had a point. The following pic is already iconic for me.

I'll...

be seeing you :-)

Hug a Developer

Well I dropped a pound but work on that front will continue. I'm trying to devise a workout thingy that I can use. I managed to develop a fine case of Tennis Elbow playing Frisbee Golf... on the... Wii.

When you're done laughing I'll continue.

Done? Okay then.

Now this Tennis Elbow thing is a royal pain. I know a lot of tennis players deal with it but their ways are strange and unknown to me. I never got it when I actually played tennis. It feels like an inflamed tendon or something and I've been sporadically hitting it with ibuprofen and Aleve but you're also suppose to stop using the thing until the inflammation goes away.

Short of a cast I'm not sure how to do that. Stupid elbow.

Anyway I did part of Bubbles Tuesday routine skipping the traveling push-ups and the gravitron machine. I came out of it not feeling that worked out. So I'm pondering it, I'll probably introduce more cardio but I have to be a bit careful with that or I'll simply exhaust myself and well... I need to think on it huh?

The following is a public service announcement.

I Sprint Therefore I Am

Sometimes I hate blogging, no that's not accurate, I hate the stupid promises I make to myself, like being honest in the dumb blog and trying to record my ordeal daily. Well honest about my goals and what it's like to attempt such a substantial lifestyle change otherwise I go surreal because I like it there. So when I weighed in after doing thirty minutes of intervals and ABS at 206 I had to face some facts.

My weight is going the wrong way. I can't lie to myself about it.

The second thought followed hard upon, what are you going to do about it?

I guess we'll see huh?

There, are you happy now blog gods? I have kept my word, this exercise stuff isn't easy, nor much fun but I feel compelled to keep at it and I have this weird need not to sugar coat it. The compulsion to keep at it is amorphous to me, probably because I haven't given it much if any thought. Maybe it boils down to 'I sprint, therefore I am' or some other weirdness.

I don't like exercise, or at least this brand of it but I love the results.

There has been a lot of interest in the scrum training I recently took. I had my pal Quinton throw together an indoctrination, um er, educational video of exactly what 'scrum' is...



I sprint therefore I am.

Class? What Do I Know About Class???!!!

I probably phrased that wrong, here's the thing. I'm taking this agile/scrum course and I'm actually kinda liking it but it chewed a huge hole in my ability to blog. So now it's Saturday night and yeah I've got some money unlike others and I actually went and worked out.

The weather is so fine that I rode my bike into the gym. First I stuck on the bicycle mirror my son gave me for my birthday, it attaches to the helmet and I think it will be pretty cool once I get use to it. Then, in order to go to the gym I had to...

• butcher a weeping cherry tree (NOW it knows how to weep!)
• mar rose bushes (in the name of pruning)
• fertilized the lawn which is confusing since it's November, but I do what Scotts tells me to do
• go to the mall with the family for cookies (the kids got great grades)
  
• take a nap (critical for the upcoming exertions)
  

And finally, with autistic detail, cram as much crap into my bicycle trunk as I can. This consisted of (hmmmm, note to self, why am I into 'lists' suddenly?):

• Clean shorts
• Clean shirt,
• Badge to get into gym
• Key to get into empty locker but since I live in Surreal World I have to lock it to keep someone else from locking me out of it
• Towel (this took up most of the space)
  
• iPod

Stuck a water bottle in a cage, fired up the Garmin and cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West was off! Even though it was only three miles it felt good and the day was so beautiful that I just had to ring my bicycle bell. I hammered out a pretty good pace but I'm always disillusioned when I review the data. Average speed of 13.8mph? Every time I look at my speedometer I'm going 17mph but that's probably selective vision - sigh - goFast averages like 21mph on his rides, maybe one day. Maybe not but I sure do like riding that stupid bike.

I destroyed my abs and taunted my lazy wife (who's hot but drove in) while she did time on the elliptical. Then she took off since my son was near a nervous breakdown about getting to his band performance on time. Me? I grabbed a bike magazine and headed for the sauna. I was looking at 'inexpensive' stuff I didn't know I needed until I read the article for under $100. Fascinating. Then the magazine got too hot to hold and it was time for a shower.

I noted as I got dressed that I forgot clean undies so if you saw me riding home I was 'commando.' I'm a naughty gym rat. It was a fine day and I hope yours was at least as good!

Three Days and a Telephone

Well I've done a fair amount of work which you'll witness at the end of this posting. It's Monday oh my time does fly.

I'm gaining weight. I'm now at 205 and that's 'the line' so I'm going to have to take unpleasant measures. Poor me, but my lethargic indifference hath brought down the wrath. My once mighty mitochondria now lay about like indolent teenagers muttering, "Later, we'll process that fat later..." while lounging about the couch flipping the channel and complaining nothing good is on.

The little back stabbing pricks.

So Friday and Monday I did the interval thing and hated it of course. Since Friday is now in 'the ago' I can't remember it but I'm certain my suffering was legendary. Yesterday was beautiful, so nice in fact that I took the bike out for a little spin of ten miles, but they were good miles. I rode it up to where we play Frisbee golf, met my family there, played nine holes and then rode the bike back while they enjoyed a nice McFlurry.

Oh my gosh how I enjoyed that bike ride! I sooooo needed it! My butt greeted the bicycle seat like a long lost um, er... pal. Yeah, pal or maybe buddy. I took mostly the bike path which was fairly crowded but soon I was feeling the burn, the quiet and enjoying myself.

Frisbee golf, well I've had better days. I've had worse days too so it was good.

Ride up and back

9 Holes of Fun

So now it's Monday and me-oh-my-oh was the gym full today. What's up with that? There were two VPs in there so hopefully funding for the gym wont be a problem, AT Everest, IronMan, awesomeGirl, goodMood, ponyTail, allyMcBeal and probably others.

Diablo even made a guest appearance on the phone after wringing the silly thing off the wall forever. He chose a poor time to call since I was in the middle of my interval workout and everyone else was in similar situations. It rang forever, taking on this Chinese water torture vibe.

I turned my iPod up, problem solved.

It started again when I was staggering around in some aerobic haze. FINE! I'll answer the thing even though the last time I answered that phone the conversation became oddly surreal while I tried to convince the dude on the phone that I was not going to try and forward his call to the security desk of a different company since I had no idea how to do it and noooooo I wasn't going to go looking for him either. Sheesh! I didn't forget MY badge and anyway all the dude had to do was look in the parking lot they were probably ticketing 'unauthorized' cars (read gym members) who didn't park in 'authorized' places at six in the morning.

Calm blue sea... ::swallows a bunch of blood pressure pills::

So it was with that mindset I answered the phone.

"Gym"

"Who's this?"

We're already getting off on the wrong foot here, I'm not the crazy ringing the phone off the hook now am I? "Well, who's THIS?!"

"Diablo."

Yeesh, I'm now seeing endless hours of cardio and crunches appear on the horizon. I back off a bit, "This is Bill, hey there Diablo what's up?" (Note to self, I should have identified myself as IronMan).

Apparently there's some problem at the Diablo home that will require the immediate attention of a contractor so Diablo will be in late and he wanted us to be aware of it. I jot it down on a post it and place it on the trainer's door.

To my fellow gym rats, don't be afraid of the phone, 'k?

I did my ABS, showered, weighed in (oh HAPPY DAY!) and now I'm... gone. Have a great day!

The Doldrums (We're All Phreaks Here)

Boy was it tough to get out of the sack today! My wife was positively snuggly! But I did, grabbed my gym bag and trudged into the gym about an hour later than I normally do.

I think I'm at the point in our sad, forlorn tale where we've reached The Doldrums. That part of the story that's glossed over with words like, "Six months later..." so we can all fast forward to see What Happened to Bill? Unfortunately the medium (this blog) I'm currently working in pretty much forbids that course of action.

What to do?

Well I'm devoting both remaining synapses to that problem and will most likely try a few experiments in this blog and at the gym to liven things up a bit (medicine ball dodge ball perhaps). Where I'm currently at, I weigh 203 and I'm just trying to hold on at this moment in time. The blush is off the rose and it feels like we're at the point where the wheat is separated from the chaff, a process that might take months.

I wonder how it will go? Will it be like drowning? Where you keep fighting to just get into the gym but grow wearier and wearier until you just sink into the couch with a bag of Doritos, lost. Endless toil? Pressed on the chain gang for twenty years, sentenced to everlasting repetition of the elliptical? I sometimes wonder about AT Everest down those lines, how does she stand it? That perpetual climb for the summit? Maybe it's like marriage where you have to put a little effort into it to keep things fresh? A BOSU ball??? How... KINKY! Let me try some of that, ohhhhh yummy... how's my butt look now baby? You try it! You know you wannnnttttt tooooooo.

Thing is, I don't know, not yet and the thing is it will be a least a little different for me than for you. My kinks will not be your kinks and if AT Everest can bang on that elliptical day after day, week after week, month after month then that's her thing and more power to her.

What I do know is I miss the bike, that rush of coming home after 10, 20, 50 miles. That feeling of having done the distance. Time doesn't interest me... yet. I could probably suit up this weekend and get out there but I don't have the cold weather gear and I'm eying thousands of dollars in gear come spring.

Anticipation... coupled with worthiness. Will I judge myself worthy for a real road bike?

Topics for another day, another time.

IronMan, goodMood, awesomeGirl, and a taciturn Kingsley were in the gym today. No ponyTail but I gotta tell ya true, I'm growing somewhat slightly dependent on that morning crew. They help with The Doldrums by just being there.

Find your kink (I think I've found my warm weather one) and bang on, we're all phreaks here.

A Hectic Quiet

IronMan grins at me as he's checking into the gym. His mood seems to be better, mine's holding at the so-so level. There was a rave going on in the gym so I put in my ear buds, sat down on 'my' bike and hammered out a 20 minute tempo workout followed by ABS before heading to work.

I chatted some with ponyTail getting the scoop on AT&T's U-Verse (I think it's called that). She got it yesterday and is pleased with it so far. Diablo and I goofed around a bit, all in all a quiet morning in the gym.

Didja Vote?

Yep it's time to oh what's the phrase? Oh yeah, "Speak truth to power." So vote damn you!

The time change is effecting us all negatively and I'm beginning to believe we're thinking too small on this whole spring forward, fall back thing. On Sunday we should just roll back the entire day instead of this namby pamby hour. What's up with that?

I bet crankyIronMan would have been in a better mood today in the gym if we had done that. I hit the gym pretty early, did a total body for Tuesday thing, waved to Bubbles, hid from crankyIronMan, yakked with goodMood a bit and voted.

Now I'm monitoring a system and trying to get other things done or at least out of the way. Weighed in at 203.5 so there WILL be cardio. Yay OH YAY!!! ::rolls eyes::

The Job

I'm plopped down in front of about four system monitors keeping an eye on the system today. We're beginning transition to a new system so I couldn't make it into the gym today. I hope to suffer on Tuesday.

Yours in obesity,
Bill