Monday, November 23, 2009

The Path to Righteousness

The offering is laid before my magnificent feet as DarkIronman grovels for forgiveness, "IronBill I have expunged the dark sausage and beg forgiveness!"

With fiery eyes I gaze down upon the meager benefaction, "And what have you brought forth as penance for thy many, many so very many crimes DarkIronman?"

"Death Doughnuts! A lot of them!"

Hmmm, something of a mixed message I muse, my mind racing at nearly normal speed (look it's early in the morning here - 'k?!) I lock in on a plan that might save my life!

I shriek, "I AM NOT APPEASED!!!"

"But half of the death doughnuts are cream filled... I mean I couldn't get all of them cream filled with the economy being what it is!"

Good point but I certainly can't let him know that. Still even one of those doughnuts might help me in getting out of the doghouse. I managed that by forgetting to turn off the alarm this morning having woken up early. So imagine my 'dead Bill walking' expression as I'm strolling about the house with my morning cup of joe and that bad boy went off, "BEEP BEEP BEEP." Once I recognized it, that klaxon sent me sprinting into the bedroom whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." over and over while I turned the alarm off.

The huddled shape, buried under covers muttered back, "You're dead."

Recalling that horror I stare balefully down on DarkIronman, "You know what you must do..."

He looks at me blankly before it dawns on him, "No... noooooooo.... it's been a week, I can't!"

"Yessssss, YOU MUST EXERCISE!!!"

Sullenly picking up the box of Krispy Death Doughnuts DarkIronman heads for the gym.

In a fit of spite I call out, "Every day this week!"

"Every day?! Even Thursday?"

Well it is a Holiday, "OK all you have to do on Thursday is bear crawl to the fridge anytime you want to eat."

It will take awhile for the healing to begin but I'm pretty sure DarkIronman will shortly be the IronMan we all know and love. Still there are remnants of DarkIronman peering out. For example he queried a bit too deeply about my holiday plans scheming on days he could blow off at Bob Evans no doubt. So help me help him, I'll particularly rely on JRock on Thanksgiving Day to make sure his form is correct on the bear crawls (upright is considered bad form); I think she'll like that.

On the way to work I leave a cream filled death doughnut on my wife's desk. Thanks for the Death Doughnuts DarkIronman!

Pray for me and then DarkIronman, in that order and...

Have a great day!


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