Wicked Worms

wickedWoman sends me a URL titled, 'Spoonful of Sugar' Makes The Worms' Lifespan Go Down. I had no idea wickedWoman had worms! She hides her hellish affliction with such stoic grace that truly inspires me! Maybe I can write some tragic novel about her and make a bundle on the movie rights. I'll have to find out how she got worms, the poor dear. Probably poor diet choices like too much asparagus. We eat crap for a reason wickedWoman!

So there you have it, medical proof that a death doughnut a week will keep the worms away! If only wormyWoman had listened! OH! I probably shouldn't call her that, she might not have succumbed to her awful worms yet. I really hope she can clear this malady up so I don't have to name her wormyWoman. That would make me sad, so very sad. But I can tell the worms are already effecting her mind, making her say things like, "Stop eating sugar!" and "Death Doughnuts cause worms!" so that her worm infestation might live.

On other fronts, I had an 'ok' workout today. IronMan showed up Death Doughnutless illustrating that he might have purged the dark sausage. goodMood, awesomeGirl and AT Everest were there along with evil Bubbles, evilBubbles you say?

mmhmm

With her sidekick darkIronman. Obviously he's not entirely free of the dark sausage scourge.

I'm standing on one of those aerobic step thingies, surveying the gym, feeling somewhat slightly godlike from the endorphins and definitely minding my own business! When darkIronman plops a BOSU ball down in front of me. What could I do with such a challenge to my masculinity?

Naturally I had to do a lunge on it.

evilBubbles' head snaps up from the trainers desk like a targeting radar coming online. She begins issuing commands like a demonic drill sergeant before coming over for a closer looksee, "Suck that bellybutton in! Don't bend over! Keep your back straight! I said, 'Place the arch of your foot on the center of the ball!' sheesh!"

So now I'm doing a front lunge off the step onto the BOSU and then shoving off the BOSU back onto the step.

"I'll give that one an 8.5," she says, slightly mollified, and then goes all introspective when I shove off the ball too hard forcing the leg I shoved off with to go over the step into a back lunge position so that I could keep my balance.

She thinks I'm onto something, "Do it again."

So now I'm doing a front lunge onto a BOSU ball, pushing off that into a back lunge before coming up on the step and doing a 3/4 squat.

'One' is doing the lunges on both legs. evilBubbles is back at her desk keeping an eye on me while I learn this new nightmare. It's a lot like surfing when you plant a foot on the BOSU and you're slightly off balance. I had both arms out, fighting for balance.

From across the room evilBubbles calls out, "How many fingers am I holding up?" before snapping her hand out of sight.

"None."

"Five! I was holding five fingers up."

"But then you put your hand down!" I called out while going all wobbly on the ball.

"You need to keep your head up and focus on a distant point. It will help with your balance."

I go all whiny, "But how will I make sure 'the arch of my foot is on the center of the ball' huh? HUH?" pleased with my genius.

evilBubbles sighs, "OK, first make sure you step on the center of the ball AND THEN look up and focus on a distant point. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"One... BUBBLES!"

I could do about three before getting too wobbly, so my pals darkIronman and goodMood thought it would be a good idea to add dumbbells (eight pounders) for 'balance.' I did around two or three more and headed for the lockers.

A fun day at the gym!

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Save wormyWoman c/o Bill at this blog.

Thanks!