Everyone Has a New Bike But Meeeeeee!

I'm still locked out of my own locker by Mr. Shiny Brass Lock Man. Just thought you should know.

"It's not always about you Bill!"

Why not?

Ah it doesn't matter. Today is about goFast and goFaster. If you recall a few days ago goFast set out on some sixty to eighty mile jaunt with intoIt and anotherNutJob before having to call for his SAG wagon due to mechanical problems with his bike.

I was drinking a cup of Earl Grey while reading his whiny post on FaceBook when suddenly I was gripped by a vision that I simply had to share with his vast FaceBook audience!

We all know what THIS means! You can't ignore these signs from God. I'll spell it out (I've had training) M-A-D-O-N-E or something of equal coolness (I perceive you have wiggle room in this case). Now go forth

THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN!

goFaster begged to differ.

Uhh, no I believe you are getting a mixed message. Let me, the all knowing one, spell it out for you C-O-L-L-E-G-E fund! Fix the old bike. :)

mmhmm, she REALLY said that!

I brewed another cup of tea mixing in various hallucinogens such as Aleve and waited for my next vision, which came somewhere in the middle of Donovan's Mellow Yellow. I, the sole voice of reason, spewed all over FaceBook,

Um I'm not sure what weird cult of responsibility you're a member of goFaster but that's just crazy talk! If congress has taught us anything at all it's spend what we don't have! Where have you been?!

Anyway they'll bail you out with some bizarre stimulus package that ONLY stimulates Wisconsin bike companies so what's the worry?

Do it for Ted gosh darn it!!!

Hmmm as I gaze into my imaginary tea leaves I see goFast's path is FRAUGHT WITH DANGER for another way to spell Madone is - MAD-ONE so I guess we're gonna have to have you deprogrammed or all liquored up so you're not so cranky, huh?

I STAND BY MY PROPHESY!

I then tried to offer her some metaphorical kool-aid but this was rejected and a silence fell on this topic. I wondered what happened until something shiny distracted me.

Monday I was greeted with the following in my inbox.

goFast's New Bike

To the untrained eye, such as mine, that looks like a road bike but it's not, it's a cyclo-cross bike. goFast is already training for a race apparently. The boy doesn't mess around. According to Wikipedia, "Races consists of many laps of a short 1.5–2 mile course featuring pavement, wooded trails, grass, steep hills and obstacles requiring the rider to quickly dismount, carry the bike whilst navigating the obstruction and remount in one motion."

Um, sounds anaerobic - shudders

But that's goFast in a nutshell, he likes to race while goFaster likes to run. I don't know if goFaster likes to race while she runs but goFast will race just about anything except maybe goFaster in a 5K, that might make for a quiet dinner.

So let's recap.

• intoIt - new bike
• TomS - new bike
• goFast - new bike

Now intoIt had to get hit by a car to get his new bike but he's extreme. goFast and TomS simply bought theirs. Me? I rode old rickety in this morning, the annoying 'tick' sound is back.

Woe, oh woe unto Bill for all shall bathe in new bike glory but he, the forsaken, unworthy one. Having failed in my fifty mile ride, lard ass (my intimidating bike name) simply doesn't deserve such a treat, I haven't suffered enough.

But I will, oh yes indeedy! :-)

And then... if I'm a very good boy...