Lent: Day One "The Fiasco"

I will at a minimum give up my evening treats.

I think we should collectively dissect the above statement with all the care Tiger Woods' attorney would parse Tiger saying something foolish like, "I will at a minimum give up my evening mistress" during a press conference. I guess we'll have to see how that goes for him tomorrow but in the meantime Bill has some 'splaining to do.

I've emailed congress asking for a definition of 'treat' and expect a 14,323 page bill costing fifteen billion dollars back in a few days. Nebraska will be exempt from any definition of 'treat' I'm certain. Until that glorious moment arrives we'll just have to look at The Food Log, under last evening snacks:

• 3 Oreo Double Stuffs - 194 calories
• 10 Wheat Thin crackers - 95 calories
• 2 Hershey's 'Special Dark' mini bars - 181 calories
• 2 Chocolate 'No Bake' cookies - 137 calories
• 1 Medium Banana - 70 calories
• For a total of 677 calories.

Not bad huh? ::nervously mops brow::

OK, look, as usual I'm blameless in this. My wife had gone out with a buddy of hers to see some basketball game leaving me unsupervised. So what did you think would happen?! I am a being of dark, infantile desires - EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!

And so what if this was on top of two slices of Medium Pizza Hut Pan Pizza with a breadstick to boot? The pizza was cheese, half pineapple, half no sauce since the sauce apparently "spices" my daughter's tongue. Surly the pineapple counts for something on the healthy choice meter, right? RIGHT?!

I am so going to hell.

Alright, this is merely a minor setback and so I must regroup. It's obvious I need some sort of distraction so I'll whip together a list of crap to do instead of wondering who'll advance in American Idol or fantasizing about some female Olympian while idly munching another Double Stuff. Yeah, let's try THAT!

OK a list:

1. Go to Lowes and buy some rock salt and a new battery for my garage door opener while avoiding making eye contact with any snow-blowers or lathes or anything costing more than say $20. I mean honestly what would I do with a lathe? Make a lamp?
2. Measure the basement shelves for the missing shelves the dude said he'd deliver about two years ago when I stupidly paid him and dropped right off his radar.
3. Shovel the driveway getting it ready for the upcoming yet another Storm of the Century currently scheduled for this Sunday so the schools can close again on Monday.
4. Get pebbles for my 'lucky' bamboo and transfer said luck to a bigger jar so I don't dehydrate the silly things.
5. Try not to murder anyone through road-rage, or the shelf guy in particular.

There, that's a start. Maybe if I exhaust myself moving snow around like some buck private moves holes in the Army I can do the rest of the list on Friday. Yeah...

My evening debasement caused me to sleep in this morning so I got into the gym pretty late and caught JRock pretending to wipe down the StairClimber and spritzing herself with a water bottle as I strolled into the gym. Or she really did it. She's probably one of those people who don't make empty promises like, "I will at a minimum give up my evening treats" and actually keeps them if she does. ponyTail was doing her marching thing on the treadmill and IronMan was laying on the floor eating peeled grapes (JRock does spoil him so) or doing situps, I couldn't make him out clearly since there was a bunch of machines in the way. goodMood was tossing iron and deerHunter was a no show. I was a no show too in effect. I did fifteen on the treadmill (fat burn do get rid of those stupid cookies from last night, yeah that should do it) and jawed for fifteen before announcing another 'good workout everybody!' and heading for the showers.

Strolling out I saw Kojak peddling an upright bike, just like he used to months ago. Is that an omen? What's it meeeaaaannnnn????

As I sat in the car I pondered my current mood. I am so sick of winter! I just want to ride my bike and that's it! Of course once I actually ride my bike about fifteen minutes into that I'll be thinking, "I am so sick of bike riding!" but that hasn't happened yet. NOW is the time I should be lifting, stretching and doing more cardio in order to prepare for the bike season. But I'm not, I read a lot about it but that's it.

I KNOW!

I will create a program to train, stretch and prepare for long hours in the saddle and begin implementing it tomorrow!

Do you believe it? Me either. Here's hoping your head's in a better place than mine is at the moment.

Be well darn it!