Monday Morning Storms

Rough morning for the family with the thunderstorms and the tornado warning sirens going off every fifteen minutes or so starting around 4:30am. Turns out that where we live covers three counties with our tornado sirens so even though it was only one county we all got to hear it.

My wife in kids would trudge off to the basement while I bravely shaved for work.

It was a somewhat relaxed weekend. We went to Cincy to drop in on my parents. Where I learned that my dad has become something of an iPad junkie - loving the instant on of the thing, getting to read about his beloved Tarheels and check the weather even sooner. I want one.

My folks are doing well and I was touched when my dad called Mrs. Evans to let her know he was taping a bball game for Dr. Evans to watch a bit later. Dr. Evans is having a rough go of it and he's in my prayers. Rumor has it my dad will even smuggle in the illicit beer from time to time.

This weekend dad and I head to NC to watch Carolina play the hated dook in basketball. I'm so looking forward to that!

So I'm stumbling around this morning, trying to wake up and paying attention to the orgasmic weathermen gushing all over their Doppler radars... ew... I know, right? It's kind of disgusting flipping between channels watching these guys getting more and more worked up, and kinda funny. Where I was sitting I could hear sporadic, driving rain but no tornado trains, no huge gusts of wind. I got bored and managed to catch the last fifteen minutes of John Stossel's Battle for the Future. Which was pretty interesting.

Now I'm at work, blew off the gym and am now feeling a bit guilty about that.

Signs of the Apocalypse

I blink twice as I glance down the hallway and see awesomeGirl hammering out her 300 calories on the recumbent. It's 5:30am. What's she doing here at this hour? She normally staggers in around 6am.

Another subtle sign of the upcoming apocalypse. It's the subtle ones you need take heed of, and I'm seeing more and more of them. They usually present themselves as a 'glitch in the matrix' - something not quite right. The big ones are easy to spot like being a duly elected official and running away from doing your job - that's an easy one.

So I'm doing forty-five minutes of intervals on the spinner and hammering it pretty hard when another sign appears, some 20 something chick with blond hair appears as part of the 'news alert' about the weather or something looking pretty much like the girl in the pic, except in a dress.

I glance over at awesomeGirl who's looking up at her and I start to wonder aloud what is going on? I mean look at her, it's five thirty in the morning - what on God's green earth is she doing babbling happily about the weather at 5:30am??!!! At her age she should be laying in a pool of her own vomit on some decrepit barroom floor.

Instead she's breaking my generation's rice bowl. WE'RE NATURALLY UP AT THIS HOUR! We don't like it but so what?! That job should go to some curmudgeon who will glare balefully into the camera and speak truth to power telling you to stay at home gosh darn it! We'll send some cub reporter out into the heart of the storm and you can laugh your ass off at them instead of experiencing it yourself. It'll be even better if she's drunk, hungover and covered in vomit when she's telling you, "Yep! It sure is cold, windy and icy out here! Can I go home now??!!!" Only to have the producer screaming into her earbud, "NO! We'll be back to you in fifteen minutes, which is the amount of time you have to find someplace even suckier then where you are right now!" Little miss late twenties should be outside in the freezing rain, both drunk and hungover and hating it, NOT all toasty and chipper in the newsroom! Another apocalyptic sign.

Speaking of drunken basket-cases I've been keeping my eye on Mr. Charlie Sheen of late. I think he has a point when he says that he's missed two days of work since the show started so who are we to stick our noses into what he does when he's off the clock? You have to admire his weird Hollywood morality of having some party house near his real home where he keeps the drugs, hookers and Ron Jeremy away from his kids.

Charlie apparently wants to be some OD'd has been, dead and covered in his own vomit like Elvis. At least he's being responsible about it - he's not missing work but it's evident the drugs, booze and women have taken their toll. You are not thinking right if you call up some talk show and bite the hand that feeds you by tossing your ego into the mix and telling everyone how much your producer sucks. So, CBS shuts down production to remind Charlie of who the real boss is. I guess we'll see what happens next if we decide that we care.

A good sign you're headed for the wall is if Ron Jeremy is in the frame...

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

First the most important thing of all. Happy Birthday to my sweet wife, may all your birthday wishes come true!!!

I did 40 minutes on the spinner, some crunches and now I'm eating an apple chaser after polishing off my morning raisin bran.



I see the Indiana house democrats have joined their Wisconsin brethren, hopping on the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride bandwagon and charging merrily off to nowhere in particular. In OH the Dispatch informs me that "progress" is being made, meaning some republicans will probably cave in typical RINO fashion.

And there sit the deficits, they don't care, growing ever larger. Don't want to mess with unions? OK where do you want to cut? One of the real problems are the state pensions. Are those fair game?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, major public pension plans paid out $78.5 billion in the 12 months ended Sept. 30, 2000. By the comparable period in 2004, that had grown to $117.8 billion, a 50% climb in five years. Beyond hiking taxes and cutting costs, governments have few ways to meet this bill.

Most of those pension plans have been negotiated by the unions and maybe it's time to dial that back a bit. I use to be mystified by all these endless levies for schools with these dire threats of cutting after school activities and what not. The reason seems to be they have to pay these pensions and so have to cut band to make that happen because they can't mess with the pension. Do I have that right? Are we gonna do anything about that? I'm increasingly doubtful that we're a serious people with legislators running away and refusing to do their jobs and everyone avoiding eye contact with the overweight deficit in the room.

Well it's my wife's bday and I hope to show her a nice time!

Kong Wubba

Layla, who's soul is as black as her fur, had me in stitches last night - over what exactly? I can't recall, but it was funny! She has this Kong Wubba that she seems to enjoy and it was late, like 8:30pm and I was trying to head off to bed with my Kindle for some late night reading about spooky Bangkok prostitute ghosts, which is a pretty serious problem over there and Layla kept laying Kong Wubba at my feet.

Have you ever witnessed the hope in a dog? Layla struggles with the wubba since it's a little large for her, tugging, tripping over the thing as she makes her way down the hall way, her head down, eyes up looking at me. She sets the thing down at my feet, steps back looking up at me her tail a waggin'.

Well? How 'bout it sailor?

I don't wanna. I want to read but how do you say no to that?

We play. I giggle a lot annoying my kids with a bunch of, "jeeze dad!"s.

I had to get gas today ::insert feeble excuse here:: etc, etc so I didn't work out today. I'm still processing my decadent ways.

I'm keeping an eye on Wisconsin but the next fight seems to be moving here. Oh boy. So let me see if I'm following the argument. The unions want collective bargaining and the states want 'right to work' which means if you don't want to join the union you don't have to. The unions can't stand that since it would hurt their collective bargaining position.

So, if the 'right to work' thingy is passed what the unions are saying is that they can't make a compelling argument to keep their membership numbers up without forcing people to join? Then, like Borders, shouldn't the unions file chapter 11 and investigate a more viable, modern model?

Fearful Symmetry

...232

Gotta ponder that bit of fearful symmetry for a bit.

So, how did you spend your weekend?

A comment from the mysterious "Andy" on last Friday's post put me into a tailspin of binge drinking, eating... ::shudders:: the horror...

Violating numerous child labor laws I hired an "actress" to reenact my lost weekend because, frankly, it was all I could afford after that bar tab.



So the link that set me off? It was an article informing me, "For the first time in history, the average annual compensation for a teacher in the Milwaukee Public School system will exceed $100,000."

I'm too hungover to comment anymore on this Wisconsin debacle at the moment.

232

I sit in my pod and gaze, without really seeing the lost souls on the side of the milk box, while eating my morning ration of Raisin Bran. I sure hope they find those poor lost puerile legislators, they must be so frightened, they can't even do their jobs.

I'm starting to wrap my head around the larger issue, which is sadly me. Two hundred and thirty two pounds huh? I've been at this exercise in futility for over two years and have lost a grand total of three pounds.

I have Philmont staring me in the eye (from a distance at the moment, thank God). It has definite weight restrictions. Will that and the fact that I've already shelled out $1,300 be enough to get me to back off the Dairy Queen?

Awash in a demonic Zulu Dawn, I've been popping them off one by one. I must be getting ready for the weight issue since I actually weighed in today. I must be thinking that the current demon that plagues me is about to fall so it's time to take aim on the next one...

232...

Me and Bobby McGee

I'll try to refrain from working out on moronic teenage Canadian eunuchs today, but no promises!

I was pretty glum on the spinner this morning hammering out 35 minutes of intervals while listening to Janis Joplin bemoaning leaving Bobby McGee in Salinas. The mind sucking TV wasn't on so I turned my thoughts to the latest wisdom from Mark Steyn.

Right now, the United States government spending plans are premised on the idea that the rest of the world, every single year, will be willing to sink the equivalent of the Canadian economy, or the Indian economy twice over, into U.S. Treasury bonds. There’s no evidence the world is going to continue to do that. And when the world decides to pull the rug out from under the dollar, you’re going to be setting up pre-revolutionary conditions here.

SUPER! And what do I see from the new congress? They decided to keep funding Amtrak yesterday and our beloved president is too busy sticking his nose into Wisconsin politics to only have time to kick out a laughable budget where high speed trains are going to save us. I'm still not clear on this economic model of spending yourself out of debt, but if I'm following it correctly then since I own a mortgage on one house in order to pay it off I should go ahead and buy that summer home in Maui... right?

It is extremely frustrating to have no one in government taking this spending crap seriously. You elect a bunch of folk who campaign on fiscal responsibility and you get Amtrak refunded? Really?! Our government seems to be hooked into Me and Bobby McGee in a big way, "But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday..." Methinks if we don't start seriously hacking away at this problem the dollar is going to be worth slightly less than the peso. Wont that be fun?

The Atlas Shrugged model is making more and more sense. Disengage, let it happen, find a place to hole up and ride the worst of it out ::glances nervously at my two children, we may have to learn new skills here::

Ah, whatever, never mind it's all going to be fine right? We have our best, most responsable minds on this problem right?

LOL!

Have a great weekend, I'm gonna sit and spin here for awhile longer and practice what I preach. Monday I weigh in, lets see how bad the personal bloat is... the weather is changing and maybe soon I can substitute the bike for the car and commute into work, start cutting the FAT that way...

Evil According to Bieber

So Borders has filed for Chapter 11 as have my knees and lower back. This smug seventeen year old Canadian Bieber idiot is lecturing me about how 'evil' the US health care system is prompting me to mutter, "Shut up and sing you wussy voiced soon to be has been" - while I idly fantasize about him suddenly dealing with a burst appendix on tour, hopping on his Lear and jetting up to Canada to get in line. I mean honestly can you be more stupid? It's a lot like going up to the folk in Arbys and telling them how evil they are and how much they suck compared to Tim Hortons before demanding a roast beef sandwich and expecting them not to get depraved with it before handing it to him to eat. Some other dude is on the radio telling me how completely out of control government spending is and I don't care where you fall on the political line, left, right, up, down... whatever, you can NOT spend your way out of debt.

Why isn't any of this in Revelations? Well I guess one could make the argument that Bieber is the Whore of Babylon but all the rest of this madness is simply not there.

So, how's your day? ::open, innocent smile::

I'm dragging my bankrupt knees and lower back around the gym watching Bubbles torment D-TOSRV on a BOSU ball before dragging him over to a mirror, handing him two dumbbells and ordering him to do curls while holding one leg out in front. I'm waiting for her to tell him to hop but maybe that comes later. You have to hand it to Bubbles, she's inventive in that dark, evil US health care sort of way.

While sitting on a stability ball half listening to D-TOSRV spew a litany of previous sports injuries to Bubbles as some sort of justification as to why he's struggling with her latest abomination, I tune him out, the dude is some mutant of physical health and doesn't need to 'splain anything. I'm watching ponyTail gleefully rub my nose in the fact that she can jump-rope while I look a lot like an epileptic, spasmodic monkey whenever I attempt it. I do a few more crunches until my lower back reminds me of the whole chapter eleven thing and continue shooting the breeze with ponyTail. She's telling me I must practice the jump rope if I want to master it.

mmhmm but what about Borders? I am wondering how they will cope. I love book stores and meandering through them, picking up books, drinking overpriced coffee and trying hard not to feel too smug about it all but ever since I got my Kindle I haven't exactly been chomping at the bit buying them. In fact the last book I purchased, Keith Richards Life, I actually got two copies, the hardback for laying out in the man den to impress... uh... my son I guess (?) since not many folk actually come over anymore... I need to rethink this... and the other copy is on my Kindle for actual reading. Why would I lug around a boat anchor of a book like Life when I can read it off the Kindle along with several other books that can fit my mood of the moment like America Alone?

Here's the rub though. I spent a few hours on Amazon last night trying to find something that would fit my mood before settling on a mystery about the vicious snuff industry growing in Bangkok (hopefully not an indicator of where my head's at... who am I kidding?! That's exactly where my head is at - sigh). I confess to an unhealthy interest in Detective Jitpleecheep, I mean with a name like that what's not to love and I truly enjoyed his work in previous books. But the experience is SO NOT THE SAME as browsing around a bookstore looking to be titillated.

I doubt Borders will be able to find viability in me stumbling around their stores, smugly sipping over priced coffee, finding a book and then pulling it down on my Kindle. That's a lot of floor space and clerks for that sort no return on investment. Perfect for a bailout I guess (please NO!). Maybe my local library can substitute for Borders? Not my problem but it is Barnes and Noble's and Borders. I wish them well.

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

- Bob Dylan

Shrug It Off

I've been pretty smug on facebook of late having recently completed Atlas Shrugged after a ten year ordeal of on again, oh I lost the book (I left one copy on a plane in Oslo, Norway), off again reading. I went through about fifteen copies of the book so obviously I found it to be a tough read, but oh so worth it. Some of the parallels of what's happening today and what went on in that book are pretty spooky. Anyway free market capitalism is a good thing!

AND THEN as my wonderful nephew would say I came across this!



How cool is that? If I had just waited long enough I never would have had to read the book at all!

The movie producers promise to stay true to the book and if that turns out to be true this should be a great trilogy! The trailer looks promising. I'll shut up in a minute about this but I have to confess that I got such a kick out of Dagny Taggert in the book. This is what she looks like in the movie:

The thing about Dagny is that she loves those big ol' brains on men. If you're some sort of brainiac she'll be swooning all over you until a slightly higher IQ enters the picture. She's no dummy either but I've formed the mental image of this Mensa slut sashaying across the room towards Watson (that IBM supercomputer that's kicking butt on Jeopardy right now), leaning over the console and in a throaty whisper saying, "Please tell me you vibrate..."

Anyway, I currently swim in the Atlas Shrugged stream. Hop in, the water's fine!

Hmmmmm, at the gym the death toll continues to rise ever since I changed my deodorant.

allyMcBeal - gone!
deerHunter - gone!
IronMan - gone! ::though the promises to come back::

Who's next? Probably me but I kinda hope not.

I Denounce Myself!

Well the holidays are over and my list of addictions has grown. I'm a messy ball of misfiring synapses struggling to regain some focus. My Christmas break was pleasant but is now a receding soft point of light, like an old TV tube recently turned off.

Like Charlie Sheen on a bender I move from one event to another the most recent fiasco being Valentines Day. Sounding like some socialist loser in Atlas Shrugged I mentally shriek, "It wasn't my fault!" and it probably wasn't but so what?

My wife's flowers were suppose to look like this:

but after spending the night on the shipping dock without water ended up looking like this

Needless to say, I'm a tad bitter about the whole thing. My wife has been great about it all though.

Enough of this pointless tirade on broken dreams and wilting flowers! This morning before pushing metal in the gym I made the following discovery! As you know, I never shy from the dark underbelly of exercise (though I'm frequently disappointed since I rarely find anything dark at all), so imagine my excitement when I found The Secret Room!

It's probably not called The Secret Room but something boring like Massage Room or Maintenance Closet but what it is, is this tiny room connecting the men's and woman's locker rooms together with this bed and I don't know what it's called, a divider privacy screen thingy (?) in it. On each inside door it's labeled Men on one and Women on the other in case you get confused or something after a particularly brutal massage.

I snapped a pic with my first generation iPhone since I knew the picture would be extra grainy and make the room look even seedier! Behold!

Personally I'm shocked that I wasn't informed of a secret napping room! I like to nap too you know.

I'll see if I can actually gab more about the ungodly training I like to imagine I'll actually do to get ready for the upcoming fun this summer but at the moment I'm too busy denouncing myself and trying to screw up enough nerve to step on the bitch scales again.

baby steps...