This is better than National Geographic!

The pink poodle/elephant thing is moving with rapid intent down the sidewalk. Its speed is impressive given its puny size, the straightness of its path geometrically perfect. It's impossible to discern its objective but whatever it is it has its complete focus.

Sitting next to me on our porch across the street my son stirs and leans forward, "What is that THING?"

Thank God he sees it too! I murmur, "Make no sudden movements, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves. We must study its habits."

He sits back, softly replying, "Yes, yes."

We watch the little abomination continue on its linear course. Perhaps it's not focused on prey, perhaps it's in flight. I look further behind it. Ah, yes. In hot pursuit is a pink pig of equal stature, silently intent on bringing down the pink poodle prey.

I whisper, "Tell me you see the pig!"

"I do."

This is better than National Geographic! We quietly watch this silent passion play unfolding when we make the discovery that both beasts are in flight from their mother who rapidly corrals the two year old twins, their latest attempt at freedom thwarted by their size and bright pink costumes. One is a poodle, the other piglet.

She marches them across the street where my son and I wait by the sidewalk with our Halloween offerings. I try not to make eye contact while the poodle is lofted up onto mom's hip. This is a delicate moment and already I've done something wrong, messed up the protocol in some manner. The poodle glares balefully at me, waiting for me to redress this unknown affront, as imperial in her demeanor as any Chinese Mandarin.

With trembling hands I offer the bowl of candy. Her eyes fill with disdain and I'm...

I'm...

DENIED!

Ostrich like she buries her head in her mom's shoulder, shutting me out of existence. While this drama was unfolding piglet decided once again to break for freedom. I could tell piglet's latest attempt at liberty was doomed to failure. Mom was tracking her telemetry with a precision any NASA engineer would envy while simultaneously gabbing with my wife.

Apparently piglet yearns to be free of mom's suffocating yoke. This is not her first nor her last attempt.

So when the alarm goes off this morning I awoke from my candy induced nightmare of Good Piglet Hunting, with Bill starring as the conflicted mathematical genius piglet, hunted by all. I dress, drink a cup of joe and head into the gym for the hated intervals.

IronMan and goodMood are there destroying their abs. I annihilate myself on the bike and then go through Bubbles ABS routine. While doing that I'm gabbing with ponyTail (which is always fun) about various movies and what not. She's taking another day off and I envy her. She has to or she'll end up in some use/lose hell and lose isn't an option but trying to 'splain to your management that you'll be gone for six weeks isn't an option either.

What sort of nightmare company do I work for? Poor ponyTail! FORCED TO TAKE VACATION! I can't wait to see the made for TV movie!

Please send all donations to: Stop the Vacation Madness c/o Bill at this blog and I'll make sure the money is put to good use.

I promise.

Really...