Death Doughnut

The trick is not to break the yolk. Sitting in my office I'm eying my morning breakfast, sizing it up. This might actually require some thought. I eat the first of my two strips of bacon pondering the problem.

There's no way around it, not really. I finish the bacon and gently try and pick up one of the eggs. Darn it! Yolk bursts from the tricky bastard like an infected zit falling like rain on my plate. I hunch over the thing, rapidly slurping the egg into my mouth like a toothless old man. With egg white hanging from my chin I realize this might be difficult to explain to the casual Friday visitor.

I slurp faster. One down, one to go.

This is how the forkless go through life. Congress should pass some trillion dollar bill guaranteeing I'll have a fork when I need one. Yeah, I could go back downstairs and get one but I don't wanna. Too much work for this boy.

As I'm picking up the last egg hand grenade and gracefully slurping it down like a starved baby bird while yolk flows over my fingers and chin onto the plate I ponder the death doughnut. It's time is nigh but first I must mop up this yolk covered plate with the healthy whole grain toast.

Awhile back JRock and wickedWoman sent out some motivational reading. wickedWoman sent out a URL to an article titled 7 Foods to NEVER Eat. Riffing on the seven deadly sins I guess... I decide to check it out and gasp in HORROR! It has some little scary line that reads, "These seven foods should be avoided at all costs. Not only will they widen your waistline, but they'll also ruin your health in more ways than one."

RUIN MY HEALTH?!!! IN ALL SORTS OF WAYS?!

Oh I have GOT to see this - what to avoid... for the rest of my life!

1. Doughnuts - Seriously? As I cram my doughnut into my mouth I figure OK I'm going to overrule this, doughnuts fall under 'acceptable risk'. Next.
2. Cheeseburger - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I could care less that, "The saturated fat found in cheeseburgers has been linked to heart attacks, strokes and some types of cancer." WHAT HASN'T EXCEPT WATER? Even if they prove it does all that wicked crap I'm not giving up a cheeseburger.
3. Fried Chicken - For cryin' out loud. First I was born in the south. NEXT!
4. Oscar Mayer's Lunchables - Fine I'll give those up since I rarely eat them anyway. Next!
5. Sugary Cereals - FINE! But you'll be hearing from my daughter on this one! Next!
6. Processed Meats - So cheeseburgers weren't enough for your 'holier than thou' food nazis huh? Not only that but lets get rid of, "Hot dogs, sausage, jerky, bacon, certain lunch meats and meats used in canned soup products." How... how can you even look at yourself in the mirror? Publish this swill will ya? (why am I yelling at a browser window?) NEXT!
7. Canned Soups - Sure why not? Unless it's winter and I've come in from shoveling the driveway and my wife has a nice big pot of it in front of me.

This list is soooo not Bill. I can swing maybe two out of the seven. I'm curious, unless you're some vegan (I did note Celery of Desperate Despair did not make this list) what do you eat? These dudes are quacks but go ahead and live longer but when you're laying on your deathbed wishing you had eaten maybe ONE cheeseburger and a death doughnut in the last fifty years don't come crying to me. I'll be dead.

Oh yeah and I worked out today. I didn't get through much of the ABS cuz IronMan kept gabbing! ::rolls eyes::