The Mood

This video was smuggled from Bubbles H.E.A.T. class. Many gym rats died to bring this to you. I'm the one on the left cheating against the wall.



Have you ever just been not in the mood? That's a consistent feeling for me when I have to write my monthly report but I buckle down and do it.

As I look in on Bubbles behind her desk in her office she's giving off a strong not in the mood for Bill vibe. I get that a lot so I switch to 'eggshell' mode.

It's about 10 minutes to seven and I ask, "Are we doing H.E.A.T. today?" I'm not exactly indifferent to the question, I hung out jawing with IronMan and goodMood beforehand where IronMan was spending time suggesting I get on the bike and suffer but it's H.E.A.T. day and I've eaten my Clif bar and even though I'm not in the mood I'm ready for it.

I follow-up with something that just dawned on me, "I mean you didn't send out an invite for the class..." I trail off studying her closely. Bubbles mutters something about having forgotten last Thursday and right now I'm figuring it would be a H.E.A.T. class with just Bill. Wow a personal trainer, one on one. She'll kill me.

Slightly panicking at the thought I go on, "I can just do some time on the stairclimber, don't worry about it." and wander off.

The next thing I know Bubbles is rifling through some file cabinet and muttering about doing some ABS circuit class. So I figure, OK, fifteen minutes of ABS and then I'll do some time on the stoopid stairclimber.

The otherPonyTail, myPeg, tireTosser and yours truly were in the class stumbling from station to station, each station consisting of some ABS horror. About midway through the course the otherPonyTail says, "Bubbles are you feeling OK?"

Bubbles does look sorta pale and fesses up to not feeling so hot having had a rough night. The Pregnancy Blues I guess. This explains much about her lack of enthusiasm for spending quality time with Bill!

When ABS is over Bubbles starts setting up for H.E.A.T. which surprises me but I lend a hand. theOtherPonyTail mentions some injury so she's gonna pass and myPeg isn't in the mood which leaves me and tireTosser.

It took awhile longer but zombieBill emerged and the whole thing is this jittery mash of images, stumbling and looking at tireTosser's back as he spent most of the time in front of me. What remains in harsh clarity though is the grand finale!

Suicide Bear Crawls.

Bubbles had some grand vision of us being able to do the entire length of the gym but called it off at half court (and back). tireTosser did that before taking a break.

Me? I was taking a break all over the place. I had NUTTIN by that point in the class.

Here's the thing, here's how I'm starting to feel about H.E.A.T.

I suck at H.E.A.T. and don't really care. It is a tough class. What I discovered today though is I want this class, I like it's after effects and I currently believe I'm getting incrementally better. After spending a few months in the doldrums it looks like my weight is starting to go down. I need someone watching me if I'm truly going to 'push it' and this class does that very well.

As much as it pains me to write this, I would have been disappointed if it hadn't happened.

I also have doubts this class is going to make it, with an average attendance of two it seems doubtful but that might also be a holiday thing.

After the class I thanked Bubbles for having it even though she wasn't feeling 100%

I weighed in at 200.5

Thoughts of Tomorrow

The weekend was tough on the diet and there was slippage, yes I did partake of unholy calories and I liked it! I wanted to get into the gym over the weekend but Christmas angst got in the way so I went shopping and baked cookies with my family. I also got to see both my kids blow glass and make Christmas ornaments for the tree, how cool is that?

As I did my interval workout on the bike I was pondering various future events. Bubbles has but two more opportunities to kill me in H.E.A.T. before I make my anniversary date in the gym. I'm also wondering where I should go with this blog. I know I'll continue documenting my little descent into madness until 28 December but I'm not sure if I will after that. A year is a long time to try and blog consistently and I'm wondering if I have anything more to say about it. It feels 'stale' or repetitious but a lot of exercise is just that, repetition.

Anyway, it's in the back of my mind as I hammer out a cadence on the bike, particularly H.E.A.T. which I'm masochistically dreading.

Across the board I'm a mess.

My right knee is stiff and my right elbow, along with its inflamed tendon is making this lovely 'crunching' noise. I have an appointment with the dread doctor on Friday who might be able to lend a hand. I'll broach the topic of medicinal marijuana again with her but even though it's Christmas I'm reasonably certain that my pleas will fall upon deaf ears. But even with the annoying pain I plan to bang on.

Weighed in at 201.5 - so at least I didn't gain over the weekend.

Dues to Pay

Of the morning crew only IronMan, goodMood and I appeared to make it. ponyTail showed up a bit later when I was suffering on the bike doing the interval thing.

I had dues to pay. Yesterday was our 'Holiday' lunch and the usual suspects were involved, chocolate cheesecake and chocolate fudge cake. Naturally I had both, what could I do? It's political suicide to diss one's VP by not partaking! Bootlicker that I am I made sure he knew his generosity was well placed. That night using the Lose It program I paid close attention to "the line" feeling particularly BITTER that one lousy slice of cheesecake clocked in at 460 calories! Anyway by the end of the day I was close, but not over 'the line.'

I really didn't wanna have to put in the time/effort on the bike but what the heck. The iPod wasn't in the mood either playing one crap song (that I of course selected as a good work out song) after another. I could only rarely find a rhythm that would keep me in the 110rpm range on a work interval. Right before the last work interval I put on a interval fav of mine and hammered it. I love getting lost in a song.

I get off the bike, wipe it down, do some sit-up/get-ups while gabbing with ponyTail and weigh in at 201.5 - grin.

Have a great weekend!

Holiday Hold Out 'MIDWAY' Weigh In

I managed to get my wife's Christmas present taken care of last night but it kept me up late and...

Look I'm only human! Anyway I overslept a bit since it was 19 degrees when I woke up, showed up at the gym just to change having forgotten that today was my official weigh in, so I did that (currently I'm negative three pounds from where I started. Bubbles hasn't noticed the MONSTER hit of helium I take before getting on the scale even though I sound like a duck afterward) and now I'm just typing in this brief howdy to anyone who might still be reading my musings.

::waves::

I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go... have a great day!

Wednesday and the Beat Goes On

I'm shooting the breeze with Diablo after coming off 20mins on the StairClimber. I'd figured that I should do something somewhat slightly out of the loop after yesterday's horrors and I wanted to keep my metabolism amp'd up a bit. Surprisingly my thighs weren't nearly as cranky as this time last week.

Diablo is telling me about his class, Body Blast (a similar course to H.E.A.T.) and how he's holding some classes for beginners (check it out and do it, you know you want to!). What he says is, "What I tell the beginners is to listen to their bodies and if your body is telling you at fifteen to stop. Stop. Even if the trainer is saying do twenty five." He goes on to explain that the courses usually have a wide range of folk on the exercise continuum and so the trainer is trying to make sure everyone gets a good workout.

Yesterday I'm having my butt handed to me by the otherPonyTail right? I mean there's no dispute on that. From the trainer point of view (in this case Bubbles) she's got to make sure that the otherPonyTail has a good/great workout while keeping Bill alive, challenged and engaged. There's a wide chasm in ability between the otherPonyTail and myself but like I said yesterday, "I keep trying..." so hats off to Bubbles for that.

One thing I didn't realize is that by taking these 'types' of courses it gives me something to compare to. When I'm just doing my regular routine, alone I can't get a real feel for how I'm doing, particularly as time goes by. In my case I find myself almost going through the motions, except on the bike for some reason, I always push myself fairly hard on that.

I wander off to do some ABS figuring I'm not going to do all of them after yesterdays ABS course. As I'm doing my sit-up/get-ups I notice that I'm doing them faster, that H.E.A.T. has given me an idea of how they're suppose to feel, which is not kinda good, no big deal but more like I feel my heart rate going up and I'm sweating more and this ambiance of I don't wanna do this comes over me. The H.E.A.T. course has taught me that.

If you're going to go through the effort of getting into the gym you might as well go through the effort of doing it right. In my case a lot of that is by 'feel.'

I come off the mini-ABS workout (sit-up/get-ups, Russian twists, bicycle - all on the BOSU) and do ten minutes on the treadmill at a brisk pace (3.5-4mph). I want to do more cardio to drive my weight down, I'm currently fed up with this hanging out around 205 business. But I know I need to strike before my resolve breaks and cardio feels like it's the answer.

I'm also back on the Lose It! bandwagon trying to bring my snacking in line. Dieting is harder than the gym if you ask me but this iPhone app now that it's coupled with a web site might be helping. I almost made it through yesterday without any treats, almost. I had to go to the grocery store/pharmacy/out door lawn furniture/some small appliances place to get a prescription filled. So I purchased some blueberries AND some chocolate covered blueberries.

I ate more blueberries than chocolate covered blueberries and anyway the chocolate covered blueberries were dark chocolate (glares defiantly at reader).

I weighed in at 202, same as yesterday. I'm surprised by that, in a good way.

Bill the PATSY

Let's be clear, that's PATSY - got it?

First an open letter:

Dear Lying Liars and the Lying Lies You Tell to Make Bill a Patsy,

When you push the 'Accept' button on Bubbles' request for her H.E.A.T. class that is a commitment gosh darn it! Not only is Bubbles counting on you but Bill is too! Bill needs you so that Bill can at least have a prayer that he'll blend in, otherwise...

Bill is left at the altar of pain with the otherPonyTail! ::mutters:: bastards! ::mutters::

Needless to say Bill sticks waaayyyyyyy out by comparison! A pox upon your houses! You had better show up next time or... I blog you long time baby!

Sincerely,
Bill the Patsy

Take a peep at the heart chart, can you find when ABS ended and H.E.A.T. began? Take your time.

Attendance was light at ABS today, there was quietGuy, the otherPonyTail, myPeg and yours truly. The TOSRVs are on vacation or something. ABS is subtle in the sense that I won't really feel it until tomorrow but I'm already feeling the aftermath of H.E.A.T. my throbbing (not in a good, Harlequin romance way) thighs already promising a week of lactic vengeance while muttering, "We see you have a learning disability!"

I broke once or so in ABS and when it happens I always feel like such a loser but um whatever. Even with her ever expanding gut Bubbles is still remarkably flexible, laying on her back one foot pulled back to her butt and the other leg straight up at ninety degrees. She then climbs that leg like a rope going, "One, two, three now touch the bottom of your heel, hold it and then back down."

Bill the board, laying on my back, one foot pulled in near my butt my other leg sorta at ninety degrees... OK maybe sixty degrees trying to climb my leg and having to bend my knee significantly if I want to come near my heel. I keep trying and at least work on the muscle group I'm suppose to work on or I think I'm suppose to work on, some muscle in my tummy doesn't like what I'm doing so I'm probably on the right track.

When ABS was over everyone left so quickly that it was just me and the otherPonyTail, well and Bubbles of course. I had offered her up to fifty bucks before class to dial it back a notch today. She scoffed at such meager offerings. At first I thought it was ethics but now I think it's more like she really likes her job! Sheesh.

I'm gonna have to figure out a way to record one of these H.E.A.T. classes. Once again I can't recall anything clearly, just bits and pieces. I got off on the wrong foot by trying to beat the otherPonyTail on the two laps around the gym thing. That girl is competitive. I managed to tie her on that but after that spent the entire rest of the class pretty much so far back that Bubbles would have to repeat her instructions on the next horror by the time I completed something. Usually the otherPonyTail was a full lap ahead of me.

I didn't try and catch up, honestly I didn't have a prayer of doing that but I did try and complete what was asked. Well until the jump rope segment. By then I had nothing. My motor control had been growing steadily worse which is kind of a weird thing to experience. There's this one drill where you're suppose to alternate tapping your toe to a step, real fast. I so totally suck at that. I glance over at twinkle toes otherPonyTail and she's getting a good cardio workout out of it. Me, probably too but I just seem to lack the coordination.

I keep trying, glad I ate that Clif bar an hour before class.

Towards the end I became The Zombie Bill, staggering after the otherPonyTail trying to get to the end and eat Bubbles brains.

Will I be there next Tuesday? mmhmm.

This class is a monster, great workout for me and I neeeeeed it. I hope you lying liars will man (or girl) up and be there too; otherwise the course will probably get canceled. Although that would make my thighs very happy it would sadden me.

Last week I sent Bubbles an email titled, My thighs ARE SO MAD AT YOU!!! Here's part of her reply:

Recommendation for next time:  Utilize the wall illustrations in the Graviton/Rower Room after Tuesday’s class.  Also, drink plenty of water after class and today to refuel!!!  You may opt to have a G2 after class as well for that is a great way to load up on the electrolytes that will help eliminate the lactic acid burn – along with the static stretching at the end of the workout.

G2 (the next generation Gatorade - yeah, I had to google it) clocks in at 25 calories.

For next class:

• Clif bar before class
• G2 after class
• Stretching

Yesterday I weighed in at 206, today 202. Too funny since I'm certain most of that is water weight, still I didn't eat one treat yesterday, not one. We'll see if I get through today.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Today is not going to be a good day, from weighing in at 206 to weird Catch-22 situations at work. Couple that with the fact that the Garmin (my HR monitor) was convinced that I did my workout on April 3rd, 2007 and I can tell all the omens and portents don't bode will for Bill this week.

Sigh.

With regards to the Garmin, I'm under the impression that it needs to periodically check with it's mother ship on the date time thing. We'll see what 'time' I exercise tomorrow since I laid the goofy thing on the window sill and let it have a nice long chat with orbital satellites.

The weekend was nice. We bought our first real Christmas Tree as a family along with an inflatable penguin, which is nothing but class in the front yard. We have it hooked up to some sort of timer and so the thing lays flat on the yard until it gets dark and then inflates and lights up bringing cowboy Christmas cheer to the entire neighborhood!

I managed to get in a quick workout on Sunday with my wife but 20min on the bike on fat burn did not appease the weekend flab god. I'm growing bored with this 206 battle. It's time to man-up and cut out the treats, I fully expect to turn into some unimaginable jerk during this time kicking puppies out of my way and taking candy from babies, "If I can't have any, neither can youuuuuuu!"

Good times, good times.

Anyway, given past experience I fully expect my resolve to last until lunch when I'll have to face The Soft Serve Yogurt Machine.

Shrug. We'll see.

I did (what felt like it at the time, before facing that bitch scale) my usual interval workout on an upright bike and ABS but in the background of my subconscious was a knowing, almost like a tolling of a bell.

Tuesday's H.E.A.T. class.

It was just chiming in reminding me that this is the first day that my thighs climbed out of the lactic acid bath they had been bathing in since Friday.

YAY OH YAY!

The gym had a 'subdued' feel to it today. Not many in there, AT Everest, goodMood and Kingsley. Diablo waved to me before heading into the office. All was quiet.

Well, except for that incessant tolling of the H.E.A.T. class bell.

For whom the bell tolls? It tolls for me. Tomorrow is going to Suck with a capital 'S'. Still, I'll be there, with bells on.

I hope your week is off to a better start than mine.

Happy Belated Birthday Diablo!

Apparently December 1st was Diablo's birthday. I had no idea until my vast network of spies, moles and tattle tales informed me. Sooo....

Happy Birthday to Diablo!!!

May all your birthday wishes (not involving me in some negative fashion) come true!!!

Give him some static, he's muttering weird crap like, "It's just another day" and other humble stuff. DUDE! ::metaphorically grabs Diablo by his metaphoric chin:: You were brought onto this big ball of dirt on the First of December and by God we're happy to have you aboard crushing our thighs and driving our heart rates to unreasonable levels. 'Just another day' SHEESH! ::rolls eyes:: It's your day and I'm sorry I missed it! Don't make me spank you cuz I'm not above it ya know!

I woke up at 4am feeling pretty ok, thinking I'd get into the gym and do some long tempo workout on the bike or something like that. I wanted to keep my metabolism up from yesterday's abomination of a workout.

Then I moved.

Oh - My - Gosh. Stiff and sore I crawl out of bed and head into the gym. crazyBubbles has done something horrible to my... oh forget it I'm not going to look it up... inner thigh muscles. They are positively LADEN with lactic acid. Don't ask me to cat walk, it's not gonna happen.

I decide on a recombinant setting it for 35mins, level 7 on my old favorite 'fat burn.' I was going to go for a high RPM but could barely keep the thing above 80 I'm not sure if it's because my thighs started bitching immediately or my position on the bike. Whatever. It takes me a good three minutes to untangle my ear buds and I decide to experiment with iTunes 'Genius' playlist. I copied over 'Rock Mix 1' and rapidly discovered it was filled with acoustic stuff (like a live version of Neil Young's Sugar Mountain) which doesn't work for me during a workout. For some reason I gutted it out until the last four minutes before hopping over to my 'Workout' playlist which had more driving music in it. I think iTune's 'Genius' thingy is a pretty cool idea if you're in the mood for something different. I'm typing this listening to 'Alternative & Punk Mix' when I Like to Move It (from Madagascar) came on, that went straight to the Workout list. This was followed by Burl Ives singing Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer - Alternative & Punk huh? The thing is I can almost see that.

I hop, well OK, gingerly get off, the bike. My legs feel better but I'm still hurting a bit. I shoot the breeze with IronMan who's doing situps while holding a 35lb weight up over his chest and crunching hard. Sheesh! If you think of it, give IronMan some love, he's going through a rough patch at work very similar in feel to what I went through a month or so ago, just a different flavor of it.

Hang in there IronMan!

I plop down, hard, near him on a BOSU. I'm a little surprised I didn't pop the silly thing. What hath Bubbles wrought on my poor middle-aged physic? I grab a 10lb medicine ball and start doing my situp-getups.

UNGHHHHHHHHH

DARN YOU BUBBLES!!!

I had forgotten about yesterday's ABS class. I struggle through fifteen of those, then do fifteen bicycles, then trying them in reverse (which is oddly hard to do). Then I have to get a 6lb medicine ball for Russian Twists and I have to CRAWL over to the balls to get one. It's just too painful to stand up. LOL!

After I did those I was done son.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TIL TUESDAY!

mmhmm ::rolls eyes::

I was eating breakfast, sitting at the table with The Coven of Exercise Fanatics when a coworker (I've got to name him but need to give that one some thought) dropped by saying I had "gone to the darkside" meaning my recent H.E.A.T. experience.

Well my body isn't so sure of that :-) Let's see if I survive Tuesday, the first time isn't so bad because you don't know nuttin, the second (when you do) begins to tell the tale.

Have a great weekend and Happy Birthday to Diablo!!!

Turn Up the H.E.A.T.

I'm sitting on a bench in front of my locker, elbows on knees, watching the sweat drip off my nose and I'm just shaking. I can't seem to get the shaking, blackout feeling to go away and my heart rate feels high and thready.

I'm going to die, or blackout... maybe both.

I'm breathing through my nose and trying to calm down but something's very wrong with my heart rate, I can feeeel it.

I check the Garmin, HR 84. (Resting is 69 but this is on the way down).

FINE! There's goes my big epic death scene, that's just great! I get to enjoy this moment even longer - sigh. So my heart rate isn't high and thready, I guess it's my pecs that are high and thready. My entire body feels affronted, assaulted and annoyed, giving me nothing but tude, "Bill? Entire body here, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! I mean O-M-G!!! The horror, the horror!"

I've blacked most of it out, the details you know, like when you get your first cavity search but bits and pieces of it swim around in a mental haze. It starts out innocently enough, an email, something innocuous. Bubbles and Diablo have roped me into this goofy Holiday Holdout thing where you try and lose weight during the holidays. Me? I just want to maintain, Bill does love his pumpkin pie so. Anyway Bubbles had sent out some email babbling about hoping we're maintaining our weight and what not and giving a list of courses to help, one of them was:

H.E.A.T. - High Energy Athletic Training (This is not a beginner class)
This class utilizes sports conditioning and agility drills combined with plyometrics to get your heart rate up and to keep it there!  Get ready for an intense workout and don’t forget to bring your water bottle and towel!

She also buttered me up beforehand asking if I would try the class out. She was trying to set up a class for the morning crew since she knew we weren't lunch time folk, when it was normally held. All I knew about the class was that it was normally taken by the hardcore crazies, like JRock, wickedWoman, princessLongLegs and others.

Can I be included with those folk? Do I dare?

Sure, why not? I can at least try.

So I stroll into the gym around 6am disappointing IronMan who was hoping that I'd miss two days in a row and have to bring in doughnuts. I'm not sure when that rule was passed but I managed to avoid that fate. IronMan's ordeal was over and mine was just beginning. awesomeGirl, AT Everest, goodMood and the otherPonyTail were there. I was wondering around doing some warm-ups, did ten minutes on the bike and we were gabbing about how Tiger Woods was getting his just desserts.

And then it was time. The class starts with Bubbles ABS class which I haven't attended in awhile. It hasn't changed, well the routines are different but I still break. Still it was a good workout. Once that fifteen minute nightmare is over the real fun begins!

There were six in the ABS class and suddenly there were three - me, tireTosser and J-TOSRV. Once the pansies rest had cleared the basketball court the gates came crashing down and we were sealed in, alone, with... crazyBubbles.

It's obvious to the trained observer, such as myself, that Bubbles' baby, incubating away, has driven Bubbles insane. She hides it well though, her voice a low, almost whispered command or encouragement to keep hurting yourself but I'm pretty sure she's stark raving bonkers. This class proves it.

You start with a lap around the gym at a jog or power-walk thinking, "What's the big deal?" and then you start doing what an old school guy like me would call calisthenics and side lunges and it's all mixed up and there was various things you end up doing on the step. The thing is, they generally fall hard upon the previous one. There are breaks but the point is (I think) to get the HR up and keep it there and then do some kind of strength training by surviving the push-ups or whatever Bubbles is throwing at you at the moment. There was even jump rope which was the first time I ever used one of those. That wasn't pretty.

At first I was trying to race J-TOSRV on various floor exercises but that didn't last long. I was exhausted or just didn't know the hokey-pokey (put your right foot in...) steps as well as J-TOSRV but mostly it was fatigue.

Halfway through the forty minutes I was just trying to hang in there. I was slowing down, way down. Where the others were doing the requested 25 or whatever I was doing about half of them. My heart was hammering (or felt that way) and I just didn't have the energy to do more, BUT I was doing what I could and sometimes that's all there is. In short I wasn't 'dogging' it.

The last thing Bubbles had us do was grab a medicine ball and your partner does a squat thrust while you do a deep knee bend with the ball (look this is all sorta hazy so I probably have it wrong), when they get up you toss them the ball and you do the squat thrust thingy. We did around 25 of those and then did another set of something with a slight variation but essentially the same thing.

I was spent! I was shaking and whiting out a bit and having all sorts of trouble controlling my breathing. Bubbles was leading us through a cool down of some sort of high kick walking or whatever and tireTosser was just burying me in that getting to the end of the gym and I'm kinda doing what Bubbles is asking of me, I mean I want to but I'm having difficulty with motor control.

Bubbles is hanging near me, checking on me. I can dimly tell she's concerned enough to keep an eye on me, asking what my HR is etc. Mainly I just want to lay down and puke, in either order. But I keep trying to listen to her and I'm trying to breath through my nose. I'm getting some control back. I help clean up the stuff in the gym and head for the lockers.

What did I learn?

1. Bubbles is right - this is NOT a Beginners class. If you're coming out of the gates wanting to lose pounds and drop weight, improve yourself in some manner don't start here. Honestly - there are better classes for that.
2. I'm eating a Clif bar an hour or so before the next class
3. Those sets that Bubbles gives you for your exercise routine, you'll get the best benefit going straight from one to the other without any down time. This is how it's done in the H.E.A.T. class. I enjoy 'recuperating' by gabbing between sets. That's not what's intended. I'll need to modify my behavior but I do enjoy the social aspects of the gym too.
   

Is it a good 'challenging' class? - Oh yeah! It'll challenge you ::nods head::

Will I take it again? - Next Tuesday right? At 7am? I'll be there, God save my soul.

J-TOSRV and tireTosser appeared to do much better than I did in the class, meaning they weren't enjoying the 'near death' experience I was, or maybe they hid it better, you'll have to ask them. I know tireTosser told Bubbles that this class felt like a real workout and J-TOSRV high fived me as I was stumbling about after the class for hanging in there. That was nice, and Bubbles is always encouraging saying stuff like, "You did well in ABS today" to which I usually reply, "I did sucky." I just want Bubbles to know that's kind of part of my nature but her encouragement does help.

I hope more of the morning crew will try this course, it is an experience. ::grin::

It Happens

I overslept ::rolls eyes::

Back to it

I gave you an earful yesterday so I'll just mention that I was in the gym today along with awesomeGirl, goodMood and ponyTail. Even MarathonMan was there but no IronMan :-(

I did the interval thing along with some ABS and listened to ponyTail's plans to turn her house into a second sun using Christmas lights.

"You'll be able to see my house from space!"

 

The Ass is the First to Go

Oh my, where to begin? You guys should know by now for me, at this moment in my life it's all about the bike. Well biking anyway, I don't know why but I do loveth it so. So I made plans to purchase a serious (by most standards) road bike in the spring of 2010, a Modone 4.7 to be precise.

bikerBabe blew that out of the water with one ad.

$700 dollars off the bike I wanted was just too good a deal to pass up, the problem was it wasn't Black Friday, it was Thanksgiving and I was strolling through a park with my dad, wife and son on some sort of weird power-walk turkey trot sort of thing in a vain attempt to pay Thanksgiving dinner forward.

I was thinking about 'the hill.' Obsessing about it. I wanted to know if I could take it on the new bike I didn't yet have. I was pretty sure I could take it, but how fast? It's about eight tenths of a mile of pure pain. There are a lot of these nightmares around my fathers house, mile long thigh crushers. The major problem being they were not bike friendly, thin twisty horrors where you could get nailed by a car even if you were careful. This one looked like this:

And after you rounded the bend at the top of the above picture looked like this:

And don't let the top of the hill fool you, it goes somewhat flat and then up you go again before hitting a series of nasty rollers. To the Garmin it looked like this (shown until my dad rescued my son and I in the car):

While my son and I were trudging up the hill the Garmin was spitting out fun numbers like 24% grade but generally hung out around 17%. I have to try it this summer. So that's two little promises, this hill and a century. Weeeee!

Wednesday, before heading to my folks I was in the gym doing the interval thing. awesomeGirl and goodMood were there too but alas no IronMan. The reason I'm tossing this out in a non sequitur sort of way is because I was fairly active over this Holiday and I'll be curious about my weight on Monday. Also to let IronMan know that I've still got an eye on him.

There's no escaping IronBill's baleful glare! Do you hear me IronMan?!

Um, yeah, that should cover it.

So Black Friday rolled around and I had to get up at 4:30am to drag my son to a nearby store so that he could get this XBox he'd been wanting. He actually earned the coin for it but the place was a zoo and I thank the everlasting Lord that he didn't want a Wii, we'd still be in line. Then we headed back home so I could purchase Precious, er, the bike.

Precious is going to be something of a icon for me. It is the culmination of nearly a year's work and hopefully something I will enjoy for the next decade. I honestly can't wait until I can put some serious miles on it.

Wanna see?

By the time it was purchased and configured and all that jazz it was too late to ride, but I'm pretty proud of it and what it means to me, my current accomplishments.

Saturday rolled around and I found myself in spin class with my wife and son. I don't know why. My wife was spin curious, my daughter was not so opted for the pool and my son decided to give it a whirl. We got there about fifteen minutes before class (late) and when we got in there all the shiny new bikes were taken so we got out the old ones and set up. I could not get my bike sized correctly and that made me cranky but by the time I got the straps for the cages correct it was time to spin.

This was a markedly different course than the one I took from Bill. First I was positioned poorly, right at the focal point of the two blaring speakers emanating all sorts of spin music. The instructor opted for those McDonalds Can I Take Your Order headsets spewed a bunch of unintelligible mush from them.

"OK, I want you to muwha mus offne mumble mumble. But it's critical that you mushmouth mutter gibberish!"

Effectively it boiled down to keeping your eye on her and when she stood up, I stood up, when she pedaled fast, I pedaled fast. Towards the end of the class the music began to drive notes into my ears like railroad spikes and I ended up shoving my fingers into my ears trying to quiet things down a bit. About midway through the class my wife hopped off her bike and just left, the pansy! She went and checked on our daughter rolls eyes but came back in to finish up after her massage and latte.

It was a pretty good class, sorta. I mean I got a good workout with a maxHR of 154 (77%) and an average HR of 137 for fifty four minutes but the one thing I took away from it was:

Get to spin class early enough to get a good bike location and bike.

And then I took Precious out that afternoon for a very small jaunt, three miles. It was interesting 'clipping in' and playing around with the new shifters. It was also fairly cold.

Today (Sunday) I just had to attempt something a little more fun; however it was windy as all get out. So I bundled up and put on a windbreaker and headed out for a jaunt around a local park. The total ride was eleven and a half miles, the 7.71 was actually on the bike trail which only had three stop signs on it. There was a fair amount of pedestrians on the path but it looks like the bike has added about 2mph on what I normally do. The last time I did the park I averaged 12.7mph, this time it was 14.8.

I'm already out of shape for biking, my butt hurt and it felt like I had too much weight on my hands. Both of these issues can be solved by riding more and some tinkering. I am DYING to get out on a seriously long ride, which will be spring I guess. Until then I'm going to have to master the art of cleating in and out of the pedals. There's so much to learn - I LOVE this bike and lifestyle!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be seeing you.

Wicked Worms

wickedWoman sends me a URL titled, 'Spoonful of Sugar' Makes The Worms' Lifespan Go Down. I had no idea wickedWoman had worms! She hides her hellish affliction with such stoic grace that truly inspires me! Maybe I can write some tragic novel about her and make a bundle on the movie rights. I'll have to find out how she got worms, the poor dear. Probably poor diet choices like too much asparagus. We eat crap for a reason wickedWoman!

So there you have it, medical proof that a death doughnut a week will keep the worms away! If only wormyWoman had listened! OH! I probably shouldn't call her that, she might not have succumbed to her awful worms yet. I really hope she can clear this malady up so I don't have to name her wormyWoman. That would make me sad, so very sad. But I can tell the worms are already effecting her mind, making her say things like, "Stop eating sugar!" and "Death Doughnuts cause worms!" so that her worm infestation might live.

On other fronts, I had an 'ok' workout today. IronMan showed up Death Doughnutless illustrating that he might have purged the dark sausage. goodMood, awesomeGirl and AT Everest were there along with evil Bubbles, evilBubbles you say?

mmhmm

With her sidekick darkIronman. Obviously he's not entirely free of the dark sausage scourge.

I'm standing on one of those aerobic step thingies, surveying the gym, feeling somewhat slightly godlike from the endorphins and definitely minding my own business! When darkIronman plops a BOSU ball down in front of me. What could I do with such a challenge to my masculinity?

Naturally I had to do a lunge on it.

evilBubbles' head snaps up from the trainers desk like a targeting radar coming online. She begins issuing commands like a demonic drill sergeant before coming over for a closer looksee, "Suck that bellybutton in! Don't bend over! Keep your back straight! I said, 'Place the arch of your foot on the center of the ball!' sheesh!"

So now I'm doing a front lunge off the step onto the BOSU and then shoving off the BOSU back onto the step.

"I'll give that one an 8.5," she says, slightly mollified, and then goes all introspective when I shove off the ball too hard forcing the leg I shoved off with to go over the step into a back lunge position so that I could keep my balance.

She thinks I'm onto something, "Do it again."

So now I'm doing a front lunge onto a BOSU ball, pushing off that into a back lunge before coming up on the step and doing a 3/4 squat.

'One' is doing the lunges on both legs. evilBubbles is back at her desk keeping an eye on me while I learn this new nightmare. It's a lot like surfing when you plant a foot on the BOSU and you're slightly off balance. I had both arms out, fighting for balance.

From across the room evilBubbles calls out, "How many fingers am I holding up?" before snapping her hand out of sight.

"None."

"Five! I was holding five fingers up."

"But then you put your hand down!" I called out while going all wobbly on the ball.

"You need to keep your head up and focus on a distant point. It will help with your balance."

I go all whiny, "But how will I make sure 'the arch of my foot is on the center of the ball' huh? HUH?" pleased with my genius.

evilBubbles sighs, "OK, first make sure you step on the center of the ball AND THEN look up and focus on a distant point. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"One... BUBBLES!"

I could do about three before getting too wobbly, so my pals darkIronman and goodMood thought it would be a good idea to add dumbbells (eight pounders) for 'balance.' I did around two or three more and headed for the lockers.

A fun day at the gym!

PS: send all donations to:

Save wormyWoman c/o Bill at this blog.

Thanks!

The Path to Righteousness

The offering is laid before my magnificent feet as DarkIronman grovels for forgiveness, "IronBill I have expunged the dark sausage and beg forgiveness!"

With fiery eyes I gaze down upon the meager benefaction, "And what have you brought forth as penance for thy many, many so very many crimes DarkIronman?"

"Death Doughnuts! A lot of them!"

Hmmm, something of a mixed message I muse, my mind racing at nearly normal speed (look it's early in the morning here - 'k?!) I lock in on a plan that might save my life!

I shriek, "I AM NOT APPEASED!!!"

"But half of the death doughnuts are cream filled... I mean I couldn't get all of them cream filled with the economy being what it is!"

Good point but I certainly can't let him know that. Still even one of those doughnuts might help me in getting out of the doghouse. I managed that by forgetting to turn off the alarm this morning having woken up early. So imagine my 'dead Bill walking' expression as I'm strolling about the house with my morning cup of joe and that bad boy went off, "BEEP BEEP BEEP." Once I recognized it, that klaxon sent me sprinting into the bedroom whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." over and over while I turned the alarm off.

The huddled shape, buried under covers muttered back, "You're dead."

Recalling that horror I stare balefully down on DarkIronman, "You know what you must do..."

He looks at me blankly before it dawns on him, "No... noooooooo.... it's been a week, I can't!"

"Yessssss, YOU MUST EXERCISE!!!"

Sullenly picking up the box of Krispy Death Doughnuts DarkIronman heads for the gym.

In a fit of spite I call out, "Every day this week!"

"Every day?! Even Thursday?"

Well it is a Holiday, "OK all you have to do on Thursday is bear crawl to the fridge anytime you want to eat."

It will take awhile for the healing to begin but I'm pretty sure DarkIronman will shortly be the IronMan we all know and love. Still there are remnants of DarkIronman peering out. For example he queried a bit too deeply about my holiday plans scheming on days he could blow off at Bob Evans no doubt. So help me help him, I'll particularly rely on JRock on Thanksgiving Day to make sure his form is correct on the bear crawls (upright is considered bad form); I think she'll like that.

On the way to work I leave a cream filled death doughnut on my wife's desk. Thanks for the Death Doughnuts DarkIronman!

Pray for me and then DarkIronman, in that order and...

Have a great day!

The Fall of IronMan

I listen to the litany of feeble excuses with dubious ears. I'm told by JRock that WimpyMan, er IronMan is dealing with work issues and believe you me I can follow that but I saw JRock this morning and apparently IronMan decided that baking was more important exercise. She confirmed he was in a maid's outfit humming Miley Cyrus hits while baking his buttered tarts or whatever it was and that all sorts of greasy food was being consumed.

A single tear rolled down my cheek.

I hate to say it but... but... IronMan has gone over to... The Sausage Side!!! and has become DarkIronMan.

Since I know none of you have the will or the sheer brainlessness to oppose DarkIronMan I'm guessing you're looking to someone stupid enough to create a nonexistent problem and then address it in a fit of irresponsibility and even though the federal government comes to mind I'm thinking someone closer to the problem otherwise it'll take decades to clear the bureaucracy.

ponyTail? Nah, she's far too logical, and goodMood and awesomeGirl suffer from the same 'logic' malady.

That leaves... ME!

Yesssss I feel the transformation occurring. Only Bill can challenge DarkIronMan and his lethargic sausage eating ways and oppose him! I alone shall stand as a shining beacon of goodness and all that is right with the gym rat way of life! I SHALL BECOME A VERITABLE ICON OF DIETARY HOLINESS (well except for ice cream and death doughnuts of course, I mean lets not get carried away here, maybe cookies... buttered popcorn at the movies, we're not savages - where was I? Oh yeah...)

AND LIKE A HIGH PRIEST SHOULD DARKIRONMAN EVER SET FOOT IN THE GYM AGAIN I SHALL BATTLE HIM UNTIL HE REPENTS AND CASTS THE DARK SAUSAGE FROM HIS BOWELS!!!

But not in the gym, the casting out of the dark sausage should only occur in the potty... alone, I mean I don't want to be around when that happens. I'll trust him if he says he's cast out the dark sausage, good enough for me. I'll take a waver on that whole trust but verify thing.

YESSSSSSSS I FEEEEEL IT - I ACCEPT MY DESTINY

TREMBLE WITH FEAR DARKIRONMAN AND...

BEHOLD YOUR NEMESIS...

IronMan Vows to Become WimpyMan!!! Plus a comment from a spinner!

"You know like 'Wimpy' from the old Popeye cartoons? I do love my bacon triple cheeseburgers," said WimpyMan er IronMan when reached in his secret lair known only as 'The Bed.' Polishing off the burger The Athlete Formally Known as IronMan daintily began eating a series of six White Castle cheeseburgers while sipping from a large chocolate milkshake, "I eat the 'sliders' to flush out the system, you know, keep things moving along," he explains while motioning JRock to fan him harder.

"Honestly, I could get use to this," he sighs before 'allowing' WickedWoman to change the channel on the 54 inch flatscreen he had installed at the foot of his bed. "I'm afraid you have to go, my stories are coming on."

I haven't seen IronMan in about a week. I'm not certain why he's not about so I'm going to make up a bunch of stuff until he decides to drag his butt back into the gym. Since this is a blog and therefor a form of the written word I expect that these meandering tales and outright distortions of truth will shortly become fact in the gym rats minds and a rescue party will be deployed.

IronMan, it is time to stop hitting the snooze button, the BOSU ball misses you.

goodMood beat me in today. While I was chatting it up and casually working through my routine he was pounding through it like a possessed work-a-holic. I stupidly signed up for the lose weight over the holidays thing the gym is doing. I think it starts on Monday. I clocked in on the gym scale at 207 and on the locker scale at 205 so my clothes apparently weigh a lot!

I was trying to make my loss a bit more significant by adding ankle weights and when Bubbles spotted that I shoved in a few three pound dumbbells into my socks.

Bubbles spotted those too.

sigh

She was asking me all sorts of nonsense about goals and whatnot. My goal is not to put on weight and that's it.

OH! OH! I just got this in the comments and had to share it with you so it won't be missed (I don't get many comments! I made some slight changes for readability)

So you've seen the dark room full of Under Armour-clad bodies pedaling furiously, channeling Lance Armstrong while they cycle to techno-infused music. Or caught a whiff when they exited class, looking as if they had jumped into a pool with their clothes on. And you've thought: No way am I getting within a five-foot radius of indoor cycling class. 

I know how it is. But don't be put off -- really.

As a cycling instructor, I have seen lots of people -- from exercise newbies to gym regulars -- hesitantly climb on a bike and start pedaling, then proudly walk up to me after their first class and report that it was not the torture session they had anticipated. In fact, they actually enjoyed it.

Indoor cycling, pioneered by ultra-endurance athlete Jonathan Goldberg in the late '80s under the trademarked name Spinning, was originally created to serve the winter training needs of cyclists and people looking for a non-impact cardiovascular alternative to the treadmill and elliptical machine.

So why all the fear?

Indoor cycling is mysterious; people don't have a lot of awareness about what exactly it entails. People think that because the exercise session is on a bike, it is only for fit people or elite cyclists, but that is not true.

Cycling is about attaining and achieving fitness, working at a good aerobic pace, not walking out and thinking, damn, that was so hard!

Even though cycling is classified as a group fitness class, participants control a session's intensity more than they do in step or aerobics classes that involve lots of choreography.

Classes typically last 50 minutes, cover 15 to 20 miles and burn 500 calories or more while engaging the major leg muscles and the core. By adjusting the resistance knob attached to the brake at the front of the bike, you can tailor the class to your fitness level or mimic climbing hills or sprinting on flat roads.

Your first and only goal was to stay on the bike

I offer the following tips for newcomers to indoor cycling:

• Get to class about 15 minutes early so the instructor can set you up on the bike, explain safety cues.
• Even though cycling is non-impact, you can injure your knees and back if you are not fitted properly. If the instructor does not give you special attention, leave and find another instructor.
• Bring a full water bottle, a towel and lightweight clothing. Avoid wearing long pants, especially those with flared legs that could get caught in the pedal spindles. Ordinary sneakers are fine.
• Don't feel compelled to keep up with the instructor or other participants. Use your first class to play around with the resistance and watch how the class is conducted.

Bill's newest "handler" Bill the spinning instructor!

Thanks Bill!!!

As Always My Thighs Burn For You

"5:45am Tomorrow BE THERE"

I stare at the little yellow post-it stuck to my monitor thinking, "Oh great, D-TOSRV is calling me out." These things always start small but the pressure is continuous. Eventually you'll crack or they'll give up. I don't want them to give up since I'm pretty sure they're right about this. I check my work calendar, this is doable, there's a nice block of time for potential napping in the afternoon.

This whole thing is about 'spin class' at a local rec center. I've been whining about being in the 'doldrums' and whatnot so, why not? I'm merely apprehensive since I've spun before. I ain't no virgin darling, I know what you're asking of me. I pack for the gym that evening but slightly differently so that I have the option of going to spin if the mood is upon me.

As I fall asleep I think about The Doughnut Incident from the previous Friday. I'm coming off the elevators headed to the cafeteria, minding my own business as is my nature when I hear, "Why don't you have a bagel instead?" coming from a hallway to my right.

I stop dead in my tracks, back up and look down the hallway. Two girls have another girl pressed against a wall (I wont name names since only one of the three have a name. I'll temporarily name the waffling one um, waffle.) I immediately discern what's going on here, this is the dark underbelly of exercise in action. Being a man of principle I throw down my philosophical gantlet, "Eat a death doughnut." After all 'Bill' is synonymous with ruinous damnation.

I've never seen waffle before but I can tell she's torn and it is a tough call. You're trying to lose weight but an occasional doughnut is or can be something of a payoff. I have no idea if waffle has payed her dues or not, she's not part of the morning crew but I don't have time for a background check here, there are doughnuts to eat.

Head down, wickedly grinning while staring at me through her wicked eyebrows, one of the camp bagel crew wickedly (I'm glad I'm not naming names here, nervous giggle, wrings hands) says, "You heard what he said, he called it a death doughnut!"

Ruinous Damnation squares off against Wicked Goodness.

The other camp bagel member steps back expecting a brawl.

waffle merely looks bored.

We go back and forth making up facts and statistics when I finally lay it on the line saying, "They lost me when they banned cheeseburgers!"

I stroll off abandoning waffle to her two 'handlers.' I have no idea what the outcome was, but when I woke up this morning I decided to show up for spin. It was a combo of the doughnut incident, doldrums and Bubbles' goofy attitude of "What the heck! I'll try it!"

I show up, pay my eight bucks (thanks bikerBabe for floating me two of them) and start setting up the bike. The spin instructor is named Bill so I shouldn't have any problem with his name when I go all endorphiny and start hallucinating. I size the bike, have Bill check it and start doing lazy spins as a warm up while looking about the class.

It's a full class (eighteen?) and three of the members are my 'handlers,' bikerBabe, J-TOSRV and D-TOSRV. I think all three of them clip in, I use the cages. I'm in the back row on the far left with bikerBabe to my right. The TOSRVs are in front of me, slightly off to the right. J-TOSRV warms up at this incredible cadence, spinning the pedals like egg beaters and I'm checking out the others. I have a dude in front of me, slowCadence who must have had the resistance jacked up so high that he didn't have a prayer 'sprinting.' There was baseball cap girl and a couple of ponytails, one of the ponytails had her ponytail up way high on the back of her head. All in all about 50/50 male to female.

Bill starts blasting music and it is on. He's a 'turn it up' kind of guy, rarely backing off the resistance. It took about 15 minutes for me to get to 80% maxHR but I held that for about thirty five minutes. The heart chart reads like a tempo workout but the class itself had a fair number of sprints. I'm not sure why my heart chart doesn't look more like an interval workout, maybe I did something wrong.

I was able to get into the zone for a large part of the class and would glance around from time to time. Everyone's quiet and locked into their personal circle of hell, I found it interesting that all of the women (well the non bikers anyway, I call them that because of their swaying. It might be a spin thing, don't know, but on the bike it's wasted energy) were rolling to the beat of the music, almost like you were in a dance club. High ponytail woman had her head down so her ponytail stuck straight up, all of her rocking earned her the name dementedBush.

As I worked I made the mental note to spend more time on the elliptical since the motion of standing on the bike and the elliptical are very similar. Standing was tougher than sitting, particularly sprinting. I had difficulty not being jerky on a standing sprint.

Spin classes are cool because they're varied to the whim of the instructor so they're not boring. After we were done Bill put us through a cool down that included some stretching once we got off the bike.

The class costs $8 but you can get a break by purchasing packages ($50 for 10 classes or $5/class or $65 for 20 classes or $3.25/class). I enjoyed it a lot and those prices can't be beat.

Check it out, you know you want to.

Thanks to my 'handlers' who encouraged me. It was a great break from the routine, a great workout (I weighed in at 201 but I'm certain a lot of that was water weight) and yeah, I'll do it again.

While I was on the bike I pondered AMC's The Prisoner. I watched this with my son and we both enjoyed it. It is strange but I think it had a point. The following pic is already iconic for me.

I'll...

be seeing you :-)

Hug a Developer

Well I dropped a pound but work on that front will continue. I'm trying to devise a workout thingy that I can use. I managed to develop a fine case of Tennis Elbow playing Frisbee Golf... on the... Wii.

When you're done laughing I'll continue.

Done? Okay then.

Now this Tennis Elbow thing is a royal pain. I know a lot of tennis players deal with it but their ways are strange and unknown to me. I never got it when I actually played tennis. It feels like an inflamed tendon or something and I've been sporadically hitting it with ibuprofen and Aleve but you're also suppose to stop using the thing until the inflammation goes away.

Short of a cast I'm not sure how to do that. Stupid elbow.

Anyway I did part of Bubbles Tuesday routine skipping the traveling push-ups and the gravitron machine. I came out of it not feeling that worked out. So I'm pondering it, I'll probably introduce more cardio but I have to be a bit careful with that or I'll simply exhaust myself and well... I need to think on it huh?

The following is a public service announcement.

I Sprint Therefore I Am

Sometimes I hate blogging, no that's not accurate, I hate the stupid promises I make to myself, like being honest in the dumb blog and trying to record my ordeal daily. Well honest about my goals and what it's like to attempt such a substantial lifestyle change otherwise I go surreal because I like it there. So when I weighed in after doing thirty minutes of intervals and ABS at 206 I had to face some facts.

My weight is going the wrong way. I can't lie to myself about it.

The second thought followed hard upon, what are you going to do about it?

I guess we'll see huh?

There, are you happy now blog gods? I have kept my word, this exercise stuff isn't easy, nor much fun but I feel compelled to keep at it and I have this weird need not to sugar coat it. The compulsion to keep at it is amorphous to me, probably because I haven't given it much if any thought. Maybe it boils down to 'I sprint, therefore I am' or some other weirdness.

I don't like exercise, or at least this brand of it but I love the results.

There has been a lot of interest in the scrum training I recently took. I had my pal Quinton throw together an indoctrination, um er, educational video of exactly what 'scrum' is...



I sprint therefore I am.

Class? What Do I Know About Class???!!!

I probably phrased that wrong, here's the thing. I'm taking this agile/scrum course and I'm actually kinda liking it but it chewed a huge hole in my ability to blog. So now it's Saturday night and yeah I've got some money unlike others and I actually went and worked out.

The weather is so fine that I rode my bike into the gym. First I stuck on the bicycle mirror my son gave me for my birthday, it attaches to the helmet and I think it will be pretty cool once I get use to it. Then, in order to go to the gym I had to...

• butcher a weeping cherry tree (NOW it knows how to weep!)
• mar rose bushes (in the name of pruning)
• fertilized the lawn which is confusing since it's November, but I do what Scotts tells me to do
• go to the mall with the family for cookies (the kids got great grades)
  
• take a nap (critical for the upcoming exertions)
  

And finally, with autistic detail, cram as much crap into my bicycle trunk as I can. This consisted of (hmmmm, note to self, why am I into 'lists' suddenly?):

• Clean shorts
• Clean shirt,
• Badge to get into gym
• Key to get into empty locker but since I live in Surreal World I have to lock it to keep someone else from locking me out of it
• Towel (this took up most of the space)
  
• iPod

Stuck a water bottle in a cage, fired up the Garmin and cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West was off! Even though it was only three miles it felt good and the day was so beautiful that I just had to ring my bicycle bell. I hammered out a pretty good pace but I'm always disillusioned when I review the data. Average speed of 13.8mph? Every time I look at my speedometer I'm going 17mph but that's probably selective vision - sigh - goFast averages like 21mph on his rides, maybe one day. Maybe not but I sure do like riding that stupid bike.

I destroyed my abs and taunted my lazy wife (who's hot but drove in) while she did time on the elliptical. Then she took off since my son was near a nervous breakdown about getting to his band performance on time. Me? I grabbed a bike magazine and headed for the sauna. I was looking at 'inexpensive' stuff I didn't know I needed until I read the article for under $100. Fascinating. Then the magazine got too hot to hold and it was time for a shower.

I noted as I got dressed that I forgot clean undies so if you saw me riding home I was 'commando.' I'm a naughty gym rat. It was a fine day and I hope yours was at least as good!

Three Days and a Telephone

Well I've done a fair amount of work which you'll witness at the end of this posting. It's Monday oh my time does fly.

I'm gaining weight. I'm now at 205 and that's 'the line' so I'm going to have to take unpleasant measures. Poor me, but my lethargic indifference hath brought down the wrath. My once mighty mitochondria now lay about like indolent teenagers muttering, "Later, we'll process that fat later..." while lounging about the couch flipping the channel and complaining nothing good is on.

The little back stabbing pricks.

So Friday and Monday I did the interval thing and hated it of course. Since Friday is now in 'the ago' I can't remember it but I'm certain my suffering was legendary. Yesterday was beautiful, so nice in fact that I took the bike out for a little spin of ten miles, but they were good miles. I rode it up to where we play Frisbee golf, met my family there, played nine holes and then rode the bike back while they enjoyed a nice McFlurry.

Oh my gosh how I enjoyed that bike ride! I sooooo needed it! My butt greeted the bicycle seat like a long lost um, er... pal. Yeah, pal or maybe buddy. I took mostly the bike path which was fairly crowded but soon I was feeling the burn, the quiet and enjoying myself.

Frisbee golf, well I've had better days. I've had worse days too so it was good.

Ride up and back

9 Holes of Fun

So now it's Monday and me-oh-my-oh was the gym full today. What's up with that? There were two VPs in there so hopefully funding for the gym wont be a problem, AT Everest, IronMan, awesomeGirl, goodMood, ponyTail, allyMcBeal and probably others.

Diablo even made a guest appearance on the phone after wringing the silly thing off the wall forever. He chose a poor time to call since I was in the middle of my interval workout and everyone else was in similar situations. It rang forever, taking on this Chinese water torture vibe.

I turned my iPod up, problem solved.

It started again when I was staggering around in some aerobic haze. FINE! I'll answer the thing even though the last time I answered that phone the conversation became oddly surreal while I tried to convince the dude on the phone that I was not going to try and forward his call to the security desk of a different company since I had no idea how to do it and noooooo I wasn't going to go looking for him either. Sheesh! I didn't forget MY badge and anyway all the dude had to do was look in the parking lot they were probably ticketing 'unauthorized' cars (read gym members) who didn't park in 'authorized' places at six in the morning.

Calm blue sea... ::swallows a bunch of blood pressure pills::

So it was with that mindset I answered the phone.

"Gym"

"Who's this?"

We're already getting off on the wrong foot here, I'm not the crazy ringing the phone off the hook now am I? "Well, who's THIS?!"

"Diablo."

Yeesh, I'm now seeing endless hours of cardio and crunches appear on the horizon. I back off a bit, "This is Bill, hey there Diablo what's up?" (Note to self, I should have identified myself as IronMan).

Apparently there's some problem at the Diablo home that will require the immediate attention of a contractor so Diablo will be in late and he wanted us to be aware of it. I jot it down on a post it and place it on the trainer's door.

To my fellow gym rats, don't be afraid of the phone, 'k?

I did my ABS, showered, weighed in (oh HAPPY DAY!) and now I'm... gone. Have a great day!

The Doldrums (We're All Phreaks Here)

Boy was it tough to get out of the sack today! My wife was positively snuggly! But I did, grabbed my gym bag and trudged into the gym about an hour later than I normally do.

I think I'm at the point in our sad, forlorn tale where we've reached The Doldrums. That part of the story that's glossed over with words like, "Six months later..." so we can all fast forward to see What Happened to Bill? Unfortunately the medium (this blog) I'm currently working in pretty much forbids that course of action.

What to do?

Well I'm devoting both remaining synapses to that problem and will most likely try a few experiments in this blog and at the gym to liven things up a bit (medicine ball dodge ball perhaps). Where I'm currently at, I weigh 203 and I'm just trying to hold on at this moment in time. The blush is off the rose and it feels like we're at the point where the wheat is separated from the chaff, a process that might take months.

I wonder how it will go? Will it be like drowning? Where you keep fighting to just get into the gym but grow wearier and wearier until you just sink into the couch with a bag of Doritos, lost. Endless toil? Pressed on the chain gang for twenty years, sentenced to everlasting repetition of the elliptical? I sometimes wonder about AT Everest down those lines, how does she stand it? That perpetual climb for the summit? Maybe it's like marriage where you have to put a little effort into it to keep things fresh? A BOSU ball??? How... KINKY! Let me try some of that, ohhhhh yummy... how's my butt look now baby? You try it! You know you wannnnttttt tooooooo.

Thing is, I don't know, not yet and the thing is it will be a least a little different for me than for you. My kinks will not be your kinks and if AT Everest can bang on that elliptical day after day, week after week, month after month then that's her thing and more power to her.

What I do know is I miss the bike, that rush of coming home after 10, 20, 50 miles. That feeling of having done the distance. Time doesn't interest me... yet. I could probably suit up this weekend and get out there but I don't have the cold weather gear and I'm eying thousands of dollars in gear come spring.

Anticipation... coupled with worthiness. Will I judge myself worthy for a real road bike?

Topics for another day, another time.

IronMan, goodMood, awesomeGirl, and a taciturn Kingsley were in the gym today. No ponyTail but I gotta tell ya true, I'm growing somewhat slightly dependent on that morning crew. They help with The Doldrums by just being there.

Find your kink (I think I've found my warm weather one) and bang on, we're all phreaks here.

A Hectic Quiet

IronMan grins at me as he's checking into the gym. His mood seems to be better, mine's holding at the so-so level. There was a rave going on in the gym so I put in my ear buds, sat down on 'my' bike and hammered out a 20 minute tempo workout followed by ABS before heading to work.

I chatted some with ponyTail getting the scoop on AT&T's U-Verse (I think it's called that). She got it yesterday and is pleased with it so far. Diablo and I goofed around a bit, all in all a quiet morning in the gym.