Bill's Tire Town

My grandmother, may she rest in peace, was something of a unique individual. She opposed seatbelt laws and was always looking for unusual ways to make money like having a patent on a sun visor that followed the sun. One thing she did that was very sweet was give me an acre of land in New Mexico shortly before she passed away, "I took a shot that the city would go one way but it went the other way."

"Well grandma it might go that way one day, thank you!"

So for 15 or so years I've been paying $6 a year in taxes on property I've never seen, idly hoping someone would strike oil or want to build a sky scraper when the city decided to turn around and go that way. Last week I got a certified letter from Torrance County. Actually getting the letter turned into the kind of bureaucratic nightmare only the federal government using it's catspaw the post office could devise. It took a week of back and forth but I finally got the stupid letter Monday after driving to the post office and showing them ID and signing for it ninety times.

I open the letter and it's from some New Mexico Code Enforcement officer. His opening got us off pretty much on the wrong foot, "Dear Landowner, We are sending you this letter because you have illegally dumped tires and debris on your property."

God DAMN those blackouts! It explains so much, why I'm always tired and my lower back hurts. There's no other explanation for the deviant ways of the Midnight Bill, Tire Dumper.

There were other threats and saber rattling but it boiled down to, "We don't care who did it, it's your property so you can clean it up or start paying fines and facing jail time." I ponder the trade off of jail time versus writing these reviews for my staff before picking up the phone and calling officer DeCosta.

He explains it's gonna cost around 1,800 bucks to clean the mess up. He's not sure since he hasn't actually been out there but since this is on four lots you can divide the cost by four. Also he gives me the coordinates to my little piece of heaven, Lot 7 Estancia Ranchettes so I can look at the "compound" using Google Earth if I want to.

He explains that my lot is in the bottom most, southwest corner of Estancia Ranchettes and that of all the lots only a few have been developed, as in had power and running water but they are far away from mine. I'll let officer DeCosta explain, "Your type of lot is favored by folk who um don't like other people, you know just don't want to be around them (OK that sounds like grandma!). You could say they're the crazies. They might be building some sort of tire wall on your land," and he kinda giggles.

OK now I'm wondering if there's going to be some sort of Branch Davidian siege of Bill's Tire Town when he pops that bubble saying that it's apparently deserted and they left some sort of dilapidated school bus behind. At least that's what he thinks it is from peering into google maps.

I tell him I plan to get this mess cleaned up and sell the property ASAP. He thinks I can get about $900 for it. I thank him, hang up and plug in the coordinates.

I grabbed two pictures of the site, the first one shows where my lovely lot is in relation to civilization. Off to the lower left you can see Albuquerque. Sort of in the center is Santa Fe and the upper right is Philmont where I suffered mightily last summer. In the bottom center is a little yellow push-pin indicating Lot 7 Estancia Ranchettes.

See it? If any of you are psychic would you do me a favor, contact my grandmother and ask her, "What city went the wrong way? WHAT CITY????!!!! THERE ARE NO CITIES, JUST DESERT GRANDMA!"

The nearest city is mine, Bill's Tire Town.

Now if you scroll down a bit you'll see a close up.

Yes it could be mistaken for the surface of Mars but alas it's nothing so exotic. All those black things are tires and one fourth of them are mine. Isn't that great?! I get to pay for their removal because some lazy butt wouldn't man up and take care of it himself. I hope his car suffers forever from flat tires! I hope he's out there now muttering to himself, chewing rubber and trying to figure out how to best defend his Ken Kesey bus from the zombie apocalypse.

But he isn't is he? He's moved on leaving his mess for others to pick up. The dick.

Bill's Tire Town - Population Bill

goFast sent an update in a comment using Google's way-back feature illustrating a Bill's Tire Town back in its heyday. There is a certain siege mentality in the following and the next photo on May 28, 2009 shows the ruins in the above pic. What Mad Max/Breaking Bad battle occurred? Feel free to sift through the ruins and find out, just let me know.