Totem

So, you've been reading my blog (I tend to think of my readership as my army of invisible friends which is either cool or creepy, I'll let you decide which camp you want to be in) and I've decided to present you with a real world problem, one that gym rats are faced with every day they're in the gym! Ready?

You come staggering out of the shower after another mediocre workout. You've been enjoying the shower, the heat over your sore, stiffening muscles but alas all great things must come to an end. You turn the shower off, grab your faded, pink, ratty gym towel, dry off and head for the sinks glancing at the scale as you head over. You realize as you pass it that you feel nothing for the scale, n-o-t-h-i-n-g. It's over, you've dumped the scale. Whatever 'it' is, 'it' is no longer about weight.

You stand in front of the mirrors, pressing your towel into the counter so it doesn't fall down (one must preserve decorum in these situations) and look blearily for the deodorant. It looks pretty much like this:

You're not even thinking about it but it's a lot like the choice Neo was given in The Matrix, A LOT like it.

So if you're like me (and I pray you're not, but if you are) then you took the red pill, doused it liberally under both pits before noticing it is hairspray. What hairspray is doing in the men's locker room is something of a mystery but WHATEVER. You swear a blue streak and take your stiffening pits back to the showers before returning and carefully studying the problem...

getting it right this time!

JRock, always helpful, counts my calories in the breakfast line today. 485. I don't know what to do with that. Bubbles tells me I have to get 8g of fiber in (hence the two packets of raisin bran, plus I like raisin bran) and the skim milk and yogurt is because I read this stupid book that says calcium is good for you and studies indicated (show? probably not that definitive) that those who ingest it burn more belly fat. Plus I kinda like milk and osteoporosis is suppose be an issue with bicyclists (I'm not a bicyclist yet, but by the end of this summer I plan to be). But who's right in this? How does one keep calorie intake down and appease all these demi-gods, one of them being the calorie intake demi-god?

I don't think you can. It's too much math on a knife's edge. So for the time being I'm going to simply ignore it and live my life. I've decided to adopt MegaGiraffe as my totem and hope that he'll visit me in a dream and provide spiritual guidance or at least tell me which power-meter I might consider next year. Behold MegaGiraffe, he's no one's bitch - you can tell by the attitude, the poise. A being comfortable with his decisions. Yep, he's a totem worth having, if he'll have you.

I wonder what he'll sound like when he visits me in a vision? Probably Micheal Jackson, that would be disappointing. It'll be hard to take what he says seriously, ya know?