The Mood

This video was smuggled from Bubbles H.E.A.T. class. Many gym rats died to bring this to you. I'm the one on the left cheating against the wall.



Have you ever just been not in the mood? That's a consistent feeling for me when I have to write my monthly report but I buckle down and do it.

As I look in on Bubbles behind her desk in her office she's giving off a strong not in the mood for Bill vibe. I get that a lot so I switch to 'eggshell' mode.

It's about 10 minutes to seven and I ask, "Are we doing H.E.A.T. today?" I'm not exactly indifferent to the question, I hung out jawing with IronMan and goodMood beforehand where IronMan was spending time suggesting I get on the bike and suffer but it's H.E.A.T. day and I've eaten my Clif bar and even though I'm not in the mood I'm ready for it.

I follow-up with something that just dawned on me, "I mean you didn't send out an invite for the class..." I trail off studying her closely. Bubbles mutters something about having forgotten last Thursday and right now I'm figuring it would be a H.E.A.T. class with just Bill. Wow a personal trainer, one on one. She'll kill me.

Slightly panicking at the thought I go on, "I can just do some time on the stairclimber, don't worry about it." and wander off.

The next thing I know Bubbles is rifling through some file cabinet and muttering about doing some ABS circuit class. So I figure, OK, fifteen minutes of ABS and then I'll do some time on the stoopid stairclimber.

The otherPonyTail, myPeg, tireTosser and yours truly were in the class stumbling from station to station, each station consisting of some ABS horror. About midway through the course the otherPonyTail says, "Bubbles are you feeling OK?"

Bubbles does look sorta pale and fesses up to not feeling so hot having had a rough night. The Pregnancy Blues I guess. This explains much about her lack of enthusiasm for spending quality time with Bill!

When ABS is over Bubbles starts setting up for H.E.A.T. which surprises me but I lend a hand. theOtherPonyTail mentions some injury so she's gonna pass and myPeg isn't in the mood which leaves me and tireTosser.

It took awhile longer but zombieBill emerged and the whole thing is this jittery mash of images, stumbling and looking at tireTosser's back as he spent most of the time in front of me. What remains in harsh clarity though is the grand finale!

Suicide Bear Crawls.

Bubbles had some grand vision of us being able to do the entire length of the gym but called it off at half court (and back). tireTosser did that before taking a break.

Me? I was taking a break all over the place. I had NUTTIN by that point in the class.

Here's the thing, here's how I'm starting to feel about H.E.A.T.

I suck at H.E.A.T. and don't really care. It is a tough class. What I discovered today though is I want this class, I like it's after effects and I currently believe I'm getting incrementally better. After spending a few months in the doldrums it looks like my weight is starting to go down. I need someone watching me if I'm truly going to 'push it' and this class does that very well.

As much as it pains me to write this, I would have been disappointed if it hadn't happened.

I also have doubts this class is going to make it, with an average attendance of two it seems doubtful but that might also be a holiday thing.

After the class I thanked Bubbles for having it even though she wasn't feeling 100%

I weighed in at 200.5

Thoughts of Tomorrow

The weekend was tough on the diet and there was slippage, yes I did partake of unholy calories and I liked it! I wanted to get into the gym over the weekend but Christmas angst got in the way so I went shopping and baked cookies with my family. I also got to see both my kids blow glass and make Christmas ornaments for the tree, how cool is that?

As I did my interval workout on the bike I was pondering various future events. Bubbles has but two more opportunities to kill me in H.E.A.T. before I make my anniversary date in the gym. I'm also wondering where I should go with this blog. I know I'll continue documenting my little descent into madness until 28 December but I'm not sure if I will after that. A year is a long time to try and blog consistently and I'm wondering if I have anything more to say about it. It feels 'stale' or repetitious but a lot of exercise is just that, repetition.

Anyway, it's in the back of my mind as I hammer out a cadence on the bike, particularly H.E.A.T. which I'm masochistically dreading.

Across the board I'm a mess.

My right knee is stiff and my right elbow, along with its inflamed tendon is making this lovely 'crunching' noise. I have an appointment with the dread doctor on Friday who might be able to lend a hand. I'll broach the topic of medicinal marijuana again with her but even though it's Christmas I'm reasonably certain that my pleas will fall upon deaf ears. But even with the annoying pain I plan to bang on.

Weighed in at 201.5 - so at least I didn't gain over the weekend.

Dues to Pay

Of the morning crew only IronMan, goodMood and I appeared to make it. ponyTail showed up a bit later when I was suffering on the bike doing the interval thing.

I had dues to pay. Yesterday was our 'Holiday' lunch and the usual suspects were involved, chocolate cheesecake and chocolate fudge cake. Naturally I had both, what could I do? It's political suicide to diss one's VP by not partaking! Bootlicker that I am I made sure he knew his generosity was well placed. That night using the Lose It program I paid close attention to "the line" feeling particularly BITTER that one lousy slice of cheesecake clocked in at 460 calories! Anyway by the end of the day I was close, but not over 'the line.'

I really didn't wanna have to put in the time/effort on the bike but what the heck. The iPod wasn't in the mood either playing one crap song (that I of course selected as a good work out song) after another. I could only rarely find a rhythm that would keep me in the 110rpm range on a work interval. Right before the last work interval I put on a interval fav of mine and hammered it. I love getting lost in a song.

I get off the bike, wipe it down, do some sit-up/get-ups while gabbing with ponyTail and weigh in at 201.5 - grin.

Have a great weekend!

Holiday Hold Out 'MIDWAY' Weigh In

I managed to get my wife's Christmas present taken care of last night but it kept me up late and...

Look I'm only human! Anyway I overslept a bit since it was 19 degrees when I woke up, showed up at the gym just to change having forgotten that today was my official weigh in, so I did that (currently I'm negative three pounds from where I started. Bubbles hasn't noticed the MONSTER hit of helium I take before getting on the scale even though I sound like a duck afterward) and now I'm just typing in this brief howdy to anyone who might still be reading my musings.

::waves::

I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go... have a great day!

Wednesday and the Beat Goes On

I'm shooting the breeze with Diablo after coming off 20mins on the StairClimber. I'd figured that I should do something somewhat slightly out of the loop after yesterday's horrors and I wanted to keep my metabolism amp'd up a bit. Surprisingly my thighs weren't nearly as cranky as this time last week.

Diablo is telling me about his class, Body Blast (a similar course to H.E.A.T.) and how he's holding some classes for beginners (check it out and do it, you know you want to!). What he says is, "What I tell the beginners is to listen to their bodies and if your body is telling you at fifteen to stop. Stop. Even if the trainer is saying do twenty five." He goes on to explain that the courses usually have a wide range of folk on the exercise continuum and so the trainer is trying to make sure everyone gets a good workout.

Yesterday I'm having my butt handed to me by the otherPonyTail right? I mean there's no dispute on that. From the trainer point of view (in this case Bubbles) she's got to make sure that the otherPonyTail has a good/great workout while keeping Bill alive, challenged and engaged. There's a wide chasm in ability between the otherPonyTail and myself but like I said yesterday, "I keep trying..." so hats off to Bubbles for that.

One thing I didn't realize is that by taking these 'types' of courses it gives me something to compare to. When I'm just doing my regular routine, alone I can't get a real feel for how I'm doing, particularly as time goes by. In my case I find myself almost going through the motions, except on the bike for some reason, I always push myself fairly hard on that.

I wander off to do some ABS figuring I'm not going to do all of them after yesterdays ABS course. As I'm doing my sit-up/get-ups I notice that I'm doing them faster, that H.E.A.T. has given me an idea of how they're suppose to feel, which is not kinda good, no big deal but more like I feel my heart rate going up and I'm sweating more and this ambiance of I don't wanna do this comes over me. The H.E.A.T. course has taught me that.

If you're going to go through the effort of getting into the gym you might as well go through the effort of doing it right. In my case a lot of that is by 'feel.'

I come off the mini-ABS workout (sit-up/get-ups, Russian twists, bicycle - all on the BOSU) and do ten minutes on the treadmill at a brisk pace (3.5-4mph). I want to do more cardio to drive my weight down, I'm currently fed up with this hanging out around 205 business. But I know I need to strike before my resolve breaks and cardio feels like it's the answer.

I'm also back on the Lose It! bandwagon trying to bring my snacking in line. Dieting is harder than the gym if you ask me but this iPhone app now that it's coupled with a web site might be helping. I almost made it through yesterday without any treats, almost. I had to go to the grocery store/pharmacy/out door lawn furniture/some small appliances place to get a prescription filled. So I purchased some blueberries AND some chocolate covered blueberries.

I ate more blueberries than chocolate covered blueberries and anyway the chocolate covered blueberries were dark chocolate (glares defiantly at reader).

I weighed in at 202, same as yesterday. I'm surprised by that, in a good way.

Bill the PATSY

Let's be clear, that's PATSY - got it?

First an open letter:

Dear Lying Liars and the Lying Lies You Tell to Make Bill a Patsy,

When you push the 'Accept' button on Bubbles' request for her H.E.A.T. class that is a commitment gosh darn it! Not only is Bubbles counting on you but Bill is too! Bill needs you so that Bill can at least have a prayer that he'll blend in, otherwise...

Bill is left at the altar of pain with the otherPonyTail! ::mutters:: bastards! ::mutters::

Needless to say Bill sticks waaayyyyyyy out by comparison! A pox upon your houses! You had better show up next time or... I blog you long time baby!

Sincerely,
Bill the Patsy

Take a peep at the heart chart, can you find when ABS ended and H.E.A.T. began? Take your time.

Attendance was light at ABS today, there was quietGuy, the otherPonyTail, myPeg and yours truly. The TOSRVs are on vacation or something. ABS is subtle in the sense that I won't really feel it until tomorrow but I'm already feeling the aftermath of H.E.A.T. my throbbing (not in a good, Harlequin romance way) thighs already promising a week of lactic vengeance while muttering, "We see you have a learning disability!"

I broke once or so in ABS and when it happens I always feel like such a loser but um whatever. Even with her ever expanding gut Bubbles is still remarkably flexible, laying on her back one foot pulled back to her butt and the other leg straight up at ninety degrees. She then climbs that leg like a rope going, "One, two, three now touch the bottom of your heel, hold it and then back down."

Bill the board, laying on my back, one foot pulled in near my butt my other leg sorta at ninety degrees... OK maybe sixty degrees trying to climb my leg and having to bend my knee significantly if I want to come near my heel. I keep trying and at least work on the muscle group I'm suppose to work on or I think I'm suppose to work on, some muscle in my tummy doesn't like what I'm doing so I'm probably on the right track.

When ABS was over everyone left so quickly that it was just me and the otherPonyTail, well and Bubbles of course. I had offered her up to fifty bucks before class to dial it back a notch today. She scoffed at such meager offerings. At first I thought it was ethics but now I think it's more like she really likes her job! Sheesh.

I'm gonna have to figure out a way to record one of these H.E.A.T. classes. Once again I can't recall anything clearly, just bits and pieces. I got off on the wrong foot by trying to beat the otherPonyTail on the two laps around the gym thing. That girl is competitive. I managed to tie her on that but after that spent the entire rest of the class pretty much so far back that Bubbles would have to repeat her instructions on the next horror by the time I completed something. Usually the otherPonyTail was a full lap ahead of me.

I didn't try and catch up, honestly I didn't have a prayer of doing that but I did try and complete what was asked. Well until the jump rope segment. By then I had nothing. My motor control had been growing steadily worse which is kind of a weird thing to experience. There's this one drill where you're suppose to alternate tapping your toe to a step, real fast. I so totally suck at that. I glance over at twinkle toes otherPonyTail and she's getting a good cardio workout out of it. Me, probably too but I just seem to lack the coordination.

I keep trying, glad I ate that Clif bar an hour before class.

Towards the end I became The Zombie Bill, staggering after the otherPonyTail trying to get to the end and eat Bubbles brains.

Will I be there next Tuesday? mmhmm.

This class is a monster, great workout for me and I neeeeeed it. I hope you lying liars will man (or girl) up and be there too; otherwise the course will probably get canceled. Although that would make my thighs very happy it would sadden me.

Last week I sent Bubbles an email titled, My thighs ARE SO MAD AT YOU!!! Here's part of her reply:

Recommendation for next time:  Utilize the wall illustrations in the Graviton/Rower Room after Tuesday’s class.  Also, drink plenty of water after class and today to refuel!!!  You may opt to have a G2 after class as well for that is a great way to load up on the electrolytes that will help eliminate the lactic acid burn – along with the static stretching at the end of the workout.

G2 (the next generation Gatorade - yeah, I had to google it) clocks in at 25 calories.

For next class:

• Clif bar before class
• G2 after class
• Stretching

Yesterday I weighed in at 206, today 202. Too funny since I'm certain most of that is water weight, still I didn't eat one treat yesterday, not one. We'll see if I get through today.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Today is not going to be a good day, from weighing in at 206 to weird Catch-22 situations at work. Couple that with the fact that the Garmin (my HR monitor) was convinced that I did my workout on April 3rd, 2007 and I can tell all the omens and portents don't bode will for Bill this week.

Sigh.

With regards to the Garmin, I'm under the impression that it needs to periodically check with it's mother ship on the date time thing. We'll see what 'time' I exercise tomorrow since I laid the goofy thing on the window sill and let it have a nice long chat with orbital satellites.

The weekend was nice. We bought our first real Christmas Tree as a family along with an inflatable penguin, which is nothing but class in the front yard. We have it hooked up to some sort of timer and so the thing lays flat on the yard until it gets dark and then inflates and lights up bringing cowboy Christmas cheer to the entire neighborhood!

I managed to get in a quick workout on Sunday with my wife but 20min on the bike on fat burn did not appease the weekend flab god. I'm growing bored with this 206 battle. It's time to man-up and cut out the treats, I fully expect to turn into some unimaginable jerk during this time kicking puppies out of my way and taking candy from babies, "If I can't have any, neither can youuuuuuu!"

Good times, good times.

Anyway, given past experience I fully expect my resolve to last until lunch when I'll have to face The Soft Serve Yogurt Machine.

Shrug. We'll see.

I did (what felt like it at the time, before facing that bitch scale) my usual interval workout on an upright bike and ABS but in the background of my subconscious was a knowing, almost like a tolling of a bell.

Tuesday's H.E.A.T. class.

It was just chiming in reminding me that this is the first day that my thighs climbed out of the lactic acid bath they had been bathing in since Friday.

YAY OH YAY!

The gym had a 'subdued' feel to it today. Not many in there, AT Everest, goodMood and Kingsley. Diablo waved to me before heading into the office. All was quiet.

Well, except for that incessant tolling of the H.E.A.T. class bell.

For whom the bell tolls? It tolls for me. Tomorrow is going to Suck with a capital 'S'. Still, I'll be there, with bells on.

I hope your week is off to a better start than mine.

Happy Belated Birthday Diablo!

Apparently December 1st was Diablo's birthday. I had no idea until my vast network of spies, moles and tattle tales informed me. Sooo....

Happy Birthday to Diablo!!!

May all your birthday wishes (not involving me in some negative fashion) come true!!!

Give him some static, he's muttering weird crap like, "It's just another day" and other humble stuff. DUDE! ::metaphorically grabs Diablo by his metaphoric chin:: You were brought onto this big ball of dirt on the First of December and by God we're happy to have you aboard crushing our thighs and driving our heart rates to unreasonable levels. 'Just another day' SHEESH! ::rolls eyes:: It's your day and I'm sorry I missed it! Don't make me spank you cuz I'm not above it ya know!

I woke up at 4am feeling pretty ok, thinking I'd get into the gym and do some long tempo workout on the bike or something like that. I wanted to keep my metabolism up from yesterday's abomination of a workout.

Then I moved.

Oh - My - Gosh. Stiff and sore I crawl out of bed and head into the gym. crazyBubbles has done something horrible to my... oh forget it I'm not going to look it up... inner thigh muscles. They are positively LADEN with lactic acid. Don't ask me to cat walk, it's not gonna happen.

I decide on a recombinant setting it for 35mins, level 7 on my old favorite 'fat burn.' I was going to go for a high RPM but could barely keep the thing above 80 I'm not sure if it's because my thighs started bitching immediately or my position on the bike. Whatever. It takes me a good three minutes to untangle my ear buds and I decide to experiment with iTunes 'Genius' playlist. I copied over 'Rock Mix 1' and rapidly discovered it was filled with acoustic stuff (like a live version of Neil Young's Sugar Mountain) which doesn't work for me during a workout. For some reason I gutted it out until the last four minutes before hopping over to my 'Workout' playlist which had more driving music in it. I think iTune's 'Genius' thingy is a pretty cool idea if you're in the mood for something different. I'm typing this listening to 'Alternative & Punk Mix' when I Like to Move It (from Madagascar) came on, that went straight to the Workout list. This was followed by Burl Ives singing Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer - Alternative & Punk huh? The thing is I can almost see that.

I hop, well OK, gingerly get off, the bike. My legs feel better but I'm still hurting a bit. I shoot the breeze with IronMan who's doing situps while holding a 35lb weight up over his chest and crunching hard. Sheesh! If you think of it, give IronMan some love, he's going through a rough patch at work very similar in feel to what I went through a month or so ago, just a different flavor of it.

Hang in there IronMan!

I plop down, hard, near him on a BOSU. I'm a little surprised I didn't pop the silly thing. What hath Bubbles wrought on my poor middle-aged physic? I grab a 10lb medicine ball and start doing my situp-getups.

UNGHHHHHHHHH

DARN YOU BUBBLES!!!

I had forgotten about yesterday's ABS class. I struggle through fifteen of those, then do fifteen bicycles, then trying them in reverse (which is oddly hard to do). Then I have to get a 6lb medicine ball for Russian Twists and I have to CRAWL over to the balls to get one. It's just too painful to stand up. LOL!

After I did those I was done son.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TIL TUESDAY!

mmhmm ::rolls eyes::

I was eating breakfast, sitting at the table with The Coven of Exercise Fanatics when a coworker (I've got to name him but need to give that one some thought) dropped by saying I had "gone to the darkside" meaning my recent H.E.A.T. experience.

Well my body isn't so sure of that :-) Let's see if I survive Tuesday, the first time isn't so bad because you don't know nuttin, the second (when you do) begins to tell the tale.

Have a great weekend and Happy Birthday to Diablo!!!

Turn Up the H.E.A.T.

I'm sitting on a bench in front of my locker, elbows on knees, watching the sweat drip off my nose and I'm just shaking. I can't seem to get the shaking, blackout feeling to go away and my heart rate feels high and thready.

I'm going to die, or blackout... maybe both.

I'm breathing through my nose and trying to calm down but something's very wrong with my heart rate, I can feeeel it.

I check the Garmin, HR 84. (Resting is 69 but this is on the way down).

FINE! There's goes my big epic death scene, that's just great! I get to enjoy this moment even longer - sigh. So my heart rate isn't high and thready, I guess it's my pecs that are high and thready. My entire body feels affronted, assaulted and annoyed, giving me nothing but tude, "Bill? Entire body here, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! I mean O-M-G!!! The horror, the horror!"

I've blacked most of it out, the details you know, like when you get your first cavity search but bits and pieces of it swim around in a mental haze. It starts out innocently enough, an email, something innocuous. Bubbles and Diablo have roped me into this goofy Holiday Holdout thing where you try and lose weight during the holidays. Me? I just want to maintain, Bill does love his pumpkin pie so. Anyway Bubbles had sent out some email babbling about hoping we're maintaining our weight and what not and giving a list of courses to help, one of them was:

H.E.A.T. - High Energy Athletic Training (This is not a beginner class)
This class utilizes sports conditioning and agility drills combined with plyometrics to get your heart rate up and to keep it there!  Get ready for an intense workout and don’t forget to bring your water bottle and towel!

She also buttered me up beforehand asking if I would try the class out. She was trying to set up a class for the morning crew since she knew we weren't lunch time folk, when it was normally held. All I knew about the class was that it was normally taken by the hardcore crazies, like JRock, wickedWoman, princessLongLegs and others.

Can I be included with those folk? Do I dare?

Sure, why not? I can at least try.

So I stroll into the gym around 6am disappointing IronMan who was hoping that I'd miss two days in a row and have to bring in doughnuts. I'm not sure when that rule was passed but I managed to avoid that fate. IronMan's ordeal was over and mine was just beginning. awesomeGirl, AT Everest, goodMood and the otherPonyTail were there. I was wondering around doing some warm-ups, did ten minutes on the bike and we were gabbing about how Tiger Woods was getting his just desserts.

And then it was time. The class starts with Bubbles ABS class which I haven't attended in awhile. It hasn't changed, well the routines are different but I still break. Still it was a good workout. Once that fifteen minute nightmare is over the real fun begins!

There were six in the ABS class and suddenly there were three - me, tireTosser and J-TOSRV. Once the pansies rest had cleared the basketball court the gates came crashing down and we were sealed in, alone, with... crazyBubbles.

It's obvious to the trained observer, such as myself, that Bubbles' baby, incubating away, has driven Bubbles insane. She hides it well though, her voice a low, almost whispered command or encouragement to keep hurting yourself but I'm pretty sure she's stark raving bonkers. This class proves it.

You start with a lap around the gym at a jog or power-walk thinking, "What's the big deal?" and then you start doing what an old school guy like me would call calisthenics and side lunges and it's all mixed up and there was various things you end up doing on the step. The thing is, they generally fall hard upon the previous one. There are breaks but the point is (I think) to get the HR up and keep it there and then do some kind of strength training by surviving the push-ups or whatever Bubbles is throwing at you at the moment. There was even jump rope which was the first time I ever used one of those. That wasn't pretty.

At first I was trying to race J-TOSRV on various floor exercises but that didn't last long. I was exhausted or just didn't know the hokey-pokey (put your right foot in...) steps as well as J-TOSRV but mostly it was fatigue.

Halfway through the forty minutes I was just trying to hang in there. I was slowing down, way down. Where the others were doing the requested 25 or whatever I was doing about half of them. My heart was hammering (or felt that way) and I just didn't have the energy to do more, BUT I was doing what I could and sometimes that's all there is. In short I wasn't 'dogging' it.

The last thing Bubbles had us do was grab a medicine ball and your partner does a squat thrust while you do a deep knee bend with the ball (look this is all sorta hazy so I probably have it wrong), when they get up you toss them the ball and you do the squat thrust thingy. We did around 25 of those and then did another set of something with a slight variation but essentially the same thing.

I was spent! I was shaking and whiting out a bit and having all sorts of trouble controlling my breathing. Bubbles was leading us through a cool down of some sort of high kick walking or whatever and tireTosser was just burying me in that getting to the end of the gym and I'm kinda doing what Bubbles is asking of me, I mean I want to but I'm having difficulty with motor control.

Bubbles is hanging near me, checking on me. I can dimly tell she's concerned enough to keep an eye on me, asking what my HR is etc. Mainly I just want to lay down and puke, in either order. But I keep trying to listen to her and I'm trying to breath through my nose. I'm getting some control back. I help clean up the stuff in the gym and head for the lockers.

What did I learn?

1. Bubbles is right - this is NOT a Beginners class. If you're coming out of the gates wanting to lose pounds and drop weight, improve yourself in some manner don't start here. Honestly - there are better classes for that.
2. I'm eating a Clif bar an hour or so before the next class
3. Those sets that Bubbles gives you for your exercise routine, you'll get the best benefit going straight from one to the other without any down time. This is how it's done in the H.E.A.T. class. I enjoy 'recuperating' by gabbing between sets. That's not what's intended. I'll need to modify my behavior but I do enjoy the social aspects of the gym too.
   

Is it a good 'challenging' class? - Oh yeah! It'll challenge you ::nods head::

Will I take it again? - Next Tuesday right? At 7am? I'll be there, God save my soul.

J-TOSRV and tireTosser appeared to do much better than I did in the class, meaning they weren't enjoying the 'near death' experience I was, or maybe they hid it better, you'll have to ask them. I know tireTosser told Bubbles that this class felt like a real workout and J-TOSRV high fived me as I was stumbling about after the class for hanging in there. That was nice, and Bubbles is always encouraging saying stuff like, "You did well in ABS today" to which I usually reply, "I did sucky." I just want Bubbles to know that's kind of part of my nature but her encouragement does help.

I hope more of the morning crew will try this course, it is an experience. ::grin::

It Happens

I overslept ::rolls eyes::