Wednesday, November 18, 2009

As Always My Thighs Burn For You

"5:45am Tomorrow BE THERE"

I stare at the little yellow post-it stuck to my monitor thinking, "Oh great, D-TOSRV is calling me out." These things always start small but the pressure is continuous. Eventually you'll crack or they'll give up. I don't want them to give up since I'm pretty sure they're right about this. I check my work calendar, this is doable, there's a nice block of time for potential napping in the afternoon.

This whole thing is about 'spin class' at a local rec center. I've been whining about being in the 'doldrums' and whatnot so, why not? I'm merely apprehensive since I've spun before. I ain't no virgin darling, I know what you're asking of me. I pack for the gym that evening but slightly differently so that I have the option of going to spin if the mood is upon me.

As I fall asleep I think about The Doughnut Incident from the previous Friday. I'm coming off the elevators headed to the cafeteria, minding my own business as is my nature when I hear, "Why don't you have a bagel instead?" coming from a hallway to my right.

I stop dead in my tracks, back up and look down the hallway. Two girls have another girl pressed against a wall (I wont name names since only one of the three have a name. I'll temporarily name the waffling one um, waffle.) I immediately discern what's going on here, this is the dark underbelly of exercise in action. Being a man of principle I throw down my philosophical gantlet, "Eat a death doughnut." After all 'Bill' is synonymous with ruinous damnation.

I've never seen waffle before but I can tell she's torn and it is a tough call. You're trying to lose weight but an occasional doughnut is or can be something of a payoff. I have no idea if waffle has payed her dues or not, she's not part of the morning crew but I don't have time for a background check here, there are doughnuts to eat.

Head down, wickedly grinning while staring at me through her wicked eyebrows, one of the camp bagel crew wickedly (I'm glad I'm not naming names here, nervous giggle, wrings hands) says, "You heard what he said, he called it a death doughnut!"

Ruinous Damnation squares off against Wicked Goodness.

The other camp bagel member steps back expecting a brawl.

waffle merely looks bored.

We go back and forth making up facts and statistics when I finally lay it on the line saying, "They lost me when they banned cheeseburgers!"

I stroll off abandoning waffle to her two 'handlers.' I have no idea what the outcome was, but when I woke up this morning I decided to show up for spin. It was a combo of the doughnut incident, doldrums and Bubbles' goofy attitude of "What the heck! I'll try it!"

I show up, pay my eight bucks (thanks bikerBabe for floating me two of them) and start setting up the bike. The spin instructor is named Bill so I shouldn't have any problem with his name when I go all endorphiny and start hallucinating. I size the bike, have Bill check it and start doing lazy spins as a warm up while looking about the class.

It's a full class (eighteen?) and three of the members are my 'handlers,' bikerBabe, J-TOSRV and D-TOSRV. I think all three of them clip in, I use the cages. I'm in the back row on the far left with bikerBabe to my right. The TOSRVs are in front of me, slightly off to the right. J-TOSRV warms up at this incredible cadence, spinning the pedals like egg beaters and I'm checking out the others. I have a dude in front of me, slowCadence who must have had the resistance jacked up so high that he didn't have a prayer 'sprinting.' There was baseball cap girl and a couple of ponytails, one of the ponytails had her ponytail up way high on the back of her head. All in all about 50/50 male to female.

Bill starts blasting music and it is on. He's a 'turn it up' kind of guy, rarely backing off the resistance. It took about 15 minutes for me to get to 80% maxHR but I held that for about thirty five minutes. The heart chart reads like a tempo workout but the class itself had a fair number of sprints. I'm not sure why my heart chart doesn't look more like an interval workout, maybe I did something wrong.

I was able to get into the zone for a large part of the class and would glance around from time to time. Everyone's quiet and locked into their personal circle of hell, I found it interesting that all of the women (well the non bikers anyway, I call them that because of their swaying. It might be a spin thing, don't know, but on the bike it's wasted energy) were rolling to the beat of the music, almost like you were in a dance club. High ponytail woman had her head down so her ponytail stuck straight up, all of her rocking earned her the name dementedBush.

As I worked I made the mental note to spend more time on the elliptical since the motion of standing on the bike and the elliptical are very similar. Standing was tougher than sitting, particularly sprinting. I had difficulty not being jerky on a standing sprint.

Spin classes are cool because they're varied to the whim of the instructor so they're not boring. After we were done Bill put us through a cool down that included some stretching once we got off the bike.

The class costs $8 but you can get a break by purchasing packages ($50 for 10 classes or $5/class or $65 for 20 classes or $3.25/class). I enjoyed it a lot and those prices can't be beat.

Check it out, you know you want to.

Thanks to my 'handlers' who encouraged me. It was a great break from the routine, a great workout (I weighed in at 201 but I'm certain a lot of that was water weight) and yeah, I'll do it again.

While I was on the bike I pondered AMC's The Prisoner. I watched this with my son and we both enjoyed it. It is strange but I think it had a point. The following pic is already iconic for me.

I'll...



be seeing you :-)


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Hug a Developer

Well I dropped a pound but work on that front will continue. I'm trying to devise a workout thingy that I can use. I managed to develop a fine case of Tennis Elbow playing Frisbee Golf... on the... Wii.

When you're done laughing I'll continue.

Done? Okay then.

Now this Tennis Elbow thing is a royal pain. I know a lot of tennis players deal with it but their ways are strange and unknown to me. I never got it when I actually played tennis. It feels like an inflamed tendon or something and I've been sporadically hitting it with ibuprofen and Aleve but you're also suppose to stop using the thing until the inflammation goes away.

Short of a cast I'm not sure how to do that. Stupid elbow.

Anyway I did part of Bubbles Tuesday routine skipping the traveling push-ups and the gravitron machine. I came out of it not feeling that worked out. So I'm pondering it, I'll probably introduce more cardio but I have to be a bit careful with that or I'll simply exhaust myself and well... I need to think on it huh?

The following is a public service announcement.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I Sprint Therefore I Am

Sometimes I hate blogging, no that's not accurate, I hate the stupid promises I make to myself, like being honest in the dumb blog and trying to record my ordeal daily. Well honest about my goals and what it's like to attempt such a substantial lifestyle change otherwise I go surreal because I like it there. So when I weighed in after doing thirty minutes of intervals and ABS at 206 I had to face some facts.

My weight is going the wrong way. I can't lie to myself about it.

The second thought followed hard upon, what are you going to do about it?

I guess we'll see huh?

There, are you happy now blog gods? I have kept my word, this exercise stuff isn't easy, nor much fun but I feel compelled to keep at it and I have this weird need not to sugar coat it. The compulsion to keep at it is amorphous to me, probably because I haven't given it much if any thought. Maybe it boils down to 'I sprint, therefore I am' or some other weirdness.

I don't like exercise, or at least this brand of it but I love the results.

There has been a lot of interest in the scrum training I recently took. I had my pal Quinton throw together an indoctrination, um er, educational video of exactly what 'scrum' is...



I sprint therefore I am.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Class? What Do I Know About Class???!!!

I probably phrased that wrong, here's the thing. I'm taking this agile/scrum course and I'm actually kinda liking it but it chewed a huge hole in my ability to blog. So now it's Saturday night and yeah I've got some money unlike others and I actually went and worked out.

The weather is so fine that I rode my bike into the gym. First I stuck on the bicycle mirror my son gave me for my birthday, it attaches to the helmet and I think it will be pretty cool once I get use to it. Then, in order to go to the gym I had to...
  • butcher a weeping cherry tree (NOW it knows how to weep!)
  • mar rose bushes (in the name of pruning)
  • fertilized the lawn which is confusing since it's November, but I do what Scotts tells me to do
  • go to the mall with the family for cookies (the kids got great grades)
  • take a nap (critical for the upcoming exertions)
And finally, with autistic detail, cram as much crap into my bicycle trunk as I can. This consisted of (hmmmm, note to self, why am I into 'lists' suddenly?):
  • Clean shorts
  • Clean shirt,
  • Badge to get into gym
  • Key to get into empty locker but since I live in Surreal World I have to lock it to keep someone else from locking me out of it
  • Towel (this took up most of the space)
  • iPod
Stuck a water bottle in a cage, fired up the Garmin and cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West was off! Even though it was only three miles it felt good and the day was so beautiful that I just had to ring my bicycle bell. I hammered out a pretty good pace but I'm always disillusioned when I review the data. Average speed of 13.8mph? Every time I look at my speedometer I'm going 17mph but that's probably selective vision - sigh - goFast averages like 21mph on his rides, maybe one day. Maybe not but I sure do like riding that stupid bike.

I destroyed my abs and taunted my lazy wife (who's hot but drove in) while she did time on the elliptical. Then she took off since my son was near a nervous breakdown about getting to his band performance on time. Me? I grabbed a bike magazine and headed for the sauna. I was looking at 'inexpensive' stuff I didn't know I needed until I read the article for under $100. Fascinating. Then the magazine got too hot to hold and it was time for a shower.

I noted as I got dressed that I forgot clean undies so if you saw me riding home I was 'commando.' I'm a naughty gym rat. It was a fine day and I hope yours was at least as good!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Three Days and a Telephone

Well I've done a fair amount of work which you'll witness at the end of this posting. It's Monday oh my time does fly.

I'm gaining weight. I'm now at 205 and that's 'the line' so I'm going to have to take unpleasant measures. Poor me, but my lethargic indifference hath brought down the wrath. My once mighty mitochondria now lay about like indolent teenagers muttering, "Later, we'll process that fat later..." while lounging about the couch flipping the channel and complaining nothing good is on.

The little back stabbing pricks.

So Friday and Monday I did the interval thing and hated it of course. Since Friday is now in 'the ago' I can't remember it but I'm certain my suffering was legendary. Yesterday was beautiful, so nice in fact that I took the bike out for a little spin of ten miles, but they were good miles. I rode it up to where we play Frisbee golf, met my family there, played nine holes and then rode the bike back while they enjoyed a nice McFlurry.

Oh my gosh how I enjoyed that bike ride! I sooooo needed it! My butt greeted the bicycle seat like a long lost um, er... pal. Yeah, pal or maybe buddy. I took mostly the bike path which was fairly crowded but soon I was feeling the burn, the quiet and enjoying myself.

Frisbee golf, well I've had better days. I've had worse days too so it was good.


Ride up and back


9 Holes of Fun
So now it's Monday and me-oh-my-oh was the gym full today. What's up with that? There were two VPs in there so hopefully funding for the gym wont be a problem, AT Everest, IronMan, awesomeGirl, goodMood, ponyTail, allyMcBeal and probably others.

Diablo even made a guest appearance on the phone after wringing the silly thing off the wall forever. He chose a poor time to call since I was in the middle of my interval workout and everyone else was in similar situations. It rang forever, taking on this Chinese water torture vibe.

I turned my iPod up, problem solved.

It started again when I was staggering around in some aerobic haze. FINE! I'll answer the thing even though the last time I answered that phone the conversation became oddly surreal while I tried to convince the dude on the phone that I was not going to try and forward his call to the security desk of a different company since I had no idea how to do it and noooooo I wasn't going to go looking for him either. Sheesh! I didn't forget MY badge and anyway all the dude had to do was look in the parking lot they were probably ticketing 'unauthorized' cars (read gym members) who didn't park in 'authorized' places at six in the morning.

Calm blue sea... ::swallows a bunch of blood pressure pills::

So it was with that mindset I answered the phone.

"Gym"

"Who's this?"

We're already getting off on the wrong foot here, I'm not the crazy ringing the phone off the hook now am I? "Well, who's THIS?!"

"Diablo."

Yeesh, I'm now seeing endless hours of cardio and crunches appear on the horizon. I back off a bit, "This is Bill, hey there Diablo what's up?" (Note to self, I should have identified myself as IronMan).

Apparently there's some problem at the Diablo home that will require the immediate attention of a contractor so Diablo will be in late and he wanted us to be aware of it. I jot it down on a post it and place it on the trainer's door.

To my fellow gym rats, don't be afraid of the phone, 'k?

I did my ABS, showered, weighed in (oh HAPPY DAY!) and now I'm... gone. Have a great day!


Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Doldrums (We're All Phreaks Here)

Boy was it tough to get out of the sack today! My wife was positively snuggly! But I did, grabbed my gym bag and trudged into the gym about an hour later than I normally do.

I think I'm at the point in our sad, forlorn tale where we've reached The Doldrums. That part of the story that's glossed over with words like, "Six months later..." so we can all fast forward to see What Happened to Bill? Unfortunately the medium (this blog) I'm currently working in pretty much forbids that course of action.

What to do?

Well I'm devoting both remaining synapses to that problem and will most likely try a few experiments in this blog and at the gym to liven things up a bit (medicine ball dodge ball perhaps). Where I'm currently at, I weigh 203 and I'm just trying to hold on at this moment in time. The blush is off the rose and it feels like we're at the point where the wheat is separated from the chaff, a process that might take months.

I wonder how it will go? Will it be like drowning? Where you keep fighting to just get into the gym but grow wearier and wearier until you just sink into the couch with a bag of Doritos, lost. Endless toil? Pressed on the chain gang for twenty years, sentenced to everlasting repetition of the elliptical? I sometimes wonder about AT Everest down those lines, how does she stand it? That perpetual climb for the summit? Maybe it's like marriage where you have to put a little effort into it to keep things fresh? A BOSU ball??? How... KINKY! Let me try some of that, ohhhhh yummy... how's my butt look now baby? You try it! You know you wannnnttttt tooooooo.

Thing is, I don't know, not yet and the thing is it will be a least a little different for me than for you. My kinks will not be your kinks and if AT Everest can bang on that elliptical day after day, week after week, month after month then that's her thing and more power to her.

What I do know is I miss the bike, that rush of coming home after 10, 20, 50 miles. That feeling of having done the distance. Time doesn't interest me... yet. I could probably suit up this weekend and get out there but I don't have the cold weather gear and I'm eying thousands of dollars in gear come spring.

Anticipation... coupled with worthiness. Will I judge myself worthy for a real road bike?

Topics for another day, another time.

IronMan, goodMood, awesomeGirl, and a taciturn Kingsley were in the gym today. No ponyTail but I gotta tell ya true, I'm growing somewhat slightly dependent on that morning crew. They help with The Doldrums by just being there.

Find your kink (I think I've found my warm weather one) and bang on, we're all phreaks here.


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Hectic Quiet

IronMan grins at me as he's checking into the gym. His mood seems to be better, mine's holding at the so-so level. There was a rave going on in the gym so I put in my ear buds, sat down on 'my' bike and hammered out a 20 minute tempo workout followed by ABS before heading to work.

I chatted some with ponyTail getting the scoop on AT&T's U-Verse (I think it's called that). She got it yesterday and is pleased with it so far. Diablo and I goofed around a bit, all in all a quiet morning in the gym.