Fortune Cookies and Their Damnable Lies.

"Really great people make you feel that you too can become great." When did fortune cookies become so condescending? 'Really great' people don't give me the time of day until the inevitable restraining order arrives. I seem to find myself endlessly irritated at the moment. Currently I'm irritated by the fact that I'm being asked to get my weight in line by my company's insurance police or pay about $200 to continue my ho-ho eating ways.

I can understand this when it applies to smokers and heroin addicts, keeping our collective costs down because of those peoples irresponsible ways is understandable, but moi? Not so much. I dealt with this by sending a cranky, venty email to my HR person about the injustice of these bait and switch tactics before signing up for their weight management program. I then put Gillian Welch's bluesy, addictive music on permanent loop and tried to settle down.

They caught the katy, and left me a mule to ride.
The fortune lady came along she walked beside,
but every word seemed to date her.
Time's the revelator, the revelator.

Fine. It's probably what I need anyway, some harsh corporate mistress slapping my hand every time I reach for an Oreo while singing the siren call of the gym. Damnation. Doom. Self-discipline is not my forte. I wanna do right, but not right now... mmhmm I hope my subsequent implosion will have the epitaph of:

He went down swinging

as opposed to:

Queen of Fakes and Imitators

Time's the revelator.