The day started at 6AM with LT "splaining" to me my brand spanking new work out routine. She patiently walked my through each of the exercises and followed up with an email offering further help. Since these exercises require something called "form" and if I do it wrong I'll never win the Olympic events in Resistance Loop – Standing Squat Walks or the dreaded Transverse Twist (Sumo Punch) if I mess up my form. I'm certain she'll be hearing from me. What really caught my ear was if I mess it up or do something called "cheating" I could injure my knee (an arthritic mess) or some other body part. As difficult as it is for you, kind reader, to believe (unless you've seen me) I'm no spring chicken.
She made me, made me (!) do every exercise while paying attention to my form. I'm being forced to watch my form in a mirror and I apologize to anyone who had to witness that! As a practice I avoid mirrors like a vampire, every time I glance into one I let out a little scream at the wreck that stares back.
Depravity, though fun, has consequences. #deepWisdom
Anyway we'll see what I forgot about form come Wednesday when I try that routine "for realz." Today I wanted to do another spin class so I'm half-interestedly already messing up the Transverse Twist to pass the time until class starts.
I snap back to reality when LT begins gabbing about "Unicorn Dust" and "Mermaid Powder" and tossing somewhere into my fugue talk of corporate drug testing. Damn my fugue states! I've probably missed important exercise information here.
I decide I'm definitely "Unicorn Dust" and "Mermaid Powder" curious but the class has moved on to wheezing and gasping while LT screams out countdowns to end one's suffering.
I wonder what a gram of Unicorn Dust and/or Mermaid Powder costs? Can you mix them? What are the um benefits? Am I jumping to conclusions here, I mean I have no idea if you snort them or not. I'm relieved that my suspicions have been validated and Unicorns and Mermaids exist and I'm hopeful we're not hunting them to extinction but instead can harvest these vital exercise enhancers like dandruff?
ew
Well if I can figure out to score some I'll get back to you on it's benefits.
At the end of class I'm sweaty and gross and am now facing eight hours of work. Other weird things are starting to happen to me but I'll babble about that later.
- Dynamic Warmup: 30 seconds, 2 times through
o March in place (core engaged)
o Calf raises (tip toes)
o Arm circles forward, circles back
o Balance with leg swing right
o Balance with leg swing left
Full Body Strength/Cardio Intervals: 2-3 times per week, 12-15 repetitions (or 30 seconds), 3 times through
Exercise
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Sets x Repetitions
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Notes
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Wall sit w/ weight at chest
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Press back against wall, bend your knees as much as you can, and hold!
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Quick feet
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Widen feet, bend knees, and “run” in place as quickly as you can – think football drill
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Resistance loop – glute bridges
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2-3 x 12-15 reps
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Flat on your back, bend knees, lift and lower hips
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Resistance loop – standing squat walks
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Keep toes forward, small bend in knee, walk side to side
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Resistance loop – decline chest press (med/heavy DBS)
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2-3 x 12-15 reps
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Keep loop, press hips up and hold, add a chest press motion, life up chin
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Adductor Clam Shells
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2-3 x 12-15 reps / per side
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On your side, bend and stack the knees, lift top knee up, slowly lower down
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Quick feet with loop
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Option to split this up into lower/upper body days if you want to add in more cardio activity
Exercise
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Sets x Repetitions
|
Notes
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DB (medium) front raise to side raise
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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With dumbbells in each hand, arms raise to the side, arms raise forward, press your shoulders down
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DB (light) small circles
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Shoulders down, slight bend in knees, palms forward, keeping arms straight, make small circles forward, and small circles back (15 seconds/15 seconds)
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Pushups (wall or knees to modify)
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2-3 x 12-15 reps
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Keep core engaged, do not let hips “sink” down
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Transverse twist (sumo punch)
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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Light dumbbells in each hand, set up with feet wide in “sumo squat” position, keeping arm in line with shoulder, jab across your chest (palm down), allow the knees to move with you, so your back knee will “drop” when you punch
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Forearm plank
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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On the floor, elbows directly beneath the shoulders, keeping the hips in line with the shoulders, prop yourself up, lifting the knees, and hold
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Medium dumbbell reach/pull with march
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2-3 x 30 seconds
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“Crunch” start with arms up, pull arms down as you drive one knee up toward your chest, reach up as you lower your knee, and repeat)
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