Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving... a few wonderful days that are greeted with rising angst as I realize that it's not long enough. I'm stumbling around my parents house doing various tasks like fixing a leaky faucet, working on my moms computer and enjoying it. I get home and my wife asks me to fix a leaky shower and I have a mini-meltdown.

What's up with that?!

Work is keeping me busy but I've managed to get into the gym most of this week. Not that I'm into it but I'm dragging myself in there. Here's a photographic metaphor of where I'm headed, momma grizzly is weight gain.

Projected Growth

I'm certain you were as shocked as I was that the "super committee" failed, joining me in Loserville. Those of us in Loserville are a bit disappointed that these gibbering, finger pointing, idiots are here driving down property values. We plan to throw them out before they wreck the place.
So, correct me if I'm wrong but I believe these halfwits were tasked with trimming $1.2 trillion from the projected growth of the deficit, or fake money in other words, and they couldn't even do that. Personally increased taxes are a non-starter for me since the problem is spending. I'm suppose to give the bloated swine that is the federal government more money?! Steyn is correct, I get to watch the death of America first hand, not the soft slow decline like western Europe. We are not serious about this and shall suffer the consequences.


So we kick the can further down the road, doing nothing. Much like how I spent my post Philmont summer, laying around... growing softer. It's work, this exercise thing and it takes discipline. Which is why I'm struggling with it.

So, will Bill grow increasingly fat or will he do what needs to be done?

I did 30 on the bike. Not enough, like cutting imaginary money.

The Damage Done

OK, it's Monday - my son turns 17 today and I'm pretty amazed by that. Happy Birthday to the best son a dad could wish for!

Unfortunately I'm cranky, probably because it is Monday. I'm done with my little self-assessment. Weight is back to ground zero meaning I get to start all over again except this time with full knowledge of what it takes to drive it down. Cardio seems OK and this achilles might be a problem along with the knee - neither of which have found it in them to let Philmont go.

Hmmm, I wonder if I'll drive this weight down? I'm kinda thinking maybe/maybe not. God decided to give me a motivational omen this morning by presenting only one little cereal box of Raisin Bran instead of my normal two, obviously indicating His displeasure with my wayward ways.

So more cardio with 30 on the spinner followed by a few crunches. I might goof around with the weights tomorrow in an effort to check the damage done in that arena. Can't wait! ::rolls eyes::

Oh Yeah, NOW I Remember!

Well TSA calendar is out! That's Miss March, she enjoys wearing lead high heels while walking on the beach and being sterile from all the irradiation. She seemed like a nice girl when performing a cavity search on a nine year old or checking out grandma's Depends. If you're looking for a girl who has no problem "going there" she just might be 'The One!'

I'm continuing to take inventory on the wreck that was Bill. After my little spinner ride yesterday I spent the rest of the day wincing from an inflamed left achilles and an equally inflamed right knee. The overall effect had me stumbling around work like Frankenstein on quaaludes. My wife was alarmed enough that she thought I should take an Aleve and maybe not go into the gym today even though she's desperately hoping that I'll resume my exercising ways.

I went in to the gym today mainly because I knew that if I didn't ponyTail would kick my ass. I see Bubbles by the water fountain and she gives me a big Bubbles grin of welcome back. We discuss if Victoria Secrets Pink should release a line of stocking caps and if you bought one would you be wearing underwear on your head? Something to ponder during the workout.

I do thirty-five minutes of intervals on the bike - wonder how that's gonna feel in a few hours.

Day Four of Desperation

Did intervals for 30 minutes today on the spinner. I'm still 'zahning' my situation, trying like our moronic government, to figure a pain free way out of this mess with having to really pay for it. Like our government this can go one of two ways, either I'll drive my weight back down or I'll put on fifteen trillion pounds and ask my kids to exercise it off for me while I signal the Chinese for another round of Oreo Double Stuffs.

::sits on hands staring at the above paragraph:: Yeah, I tortured that metaphor enough.

So I'm listening to RedEye on my iPod, giggling and turning the crank while pondering the public service message below wondering what, if anything, it all means.

Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed

I wonder how long I can last? Unfortunately this isn't some Bangkok brothel, instead I'm standing before the hated StairMaster.

I'm dimly recalling my first experience on the stupid thing where I went five minutes and how much fun that was! I'm also happy about goodMood's insomnia which brought him in early and had him heading out when I arrived. Having goodMood on the StairMaster next to me would invite unwanted comparisons.

I mount the chthonic (yes, Bill has access to a thesaurus) device, press 'Quick Start' before I can think about it and begin upping the level. Bubbles use to have these little spread sheet jobbies printed on how to truly kill yourself on this thing. At my pinnacle I was able to complete the 'pansy' (or using the politically correct term 'beginner') level most of the time usually having to dial it down a bit towards the end. This time I'm plodding up the thing at level seven - when I hit a mile, covered in sweat I stop and head for the showers.

Three days in a row...

At the gym I'm rudderless, unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed.

Yes... no... maybe... I don't know, can you repeat the question?

I wallow in lethargy, I miss the zeal, the fun of simply doing it and I wonder where it went. Yesterday I got on the spinner and turned the crank and felt ... bored. This will be forever thought of as The Blown Summer of my Flabby Discontent, or something equally ponderous, fat, stupid.

Philmont tore me up. It was well worth it but it tore me up.

Instead of my initial master plan of:

• Biking - a lot
• Philmont
• My 1st century on the bike
• Ripped six-pack at High School Reunion
• Hell Run
• Acting like a pretentious ass

It became:

• A total of 27 miles of biking or so
• Philmont
• A wonderful 20th Anniversary with my wife in NYC
• Hell Run
• Morosely struggling to get into the gym at all

I think about that when I hit the gym, missing most of my goals annoys me but I just heard from what's her name... what is her name????? uhhhhhh...

Oh My God!!!

Banging my head on the table didn't help the recall process one bit and I could spill her real name but you bastards would stalk the bejesus out of her - admit it damn you... what was her name?... oh come on!

ponyTail!!! I probably forgot that because I haven't seen her in the gym in forever, it can't be because I'm older than dirt... nor the incessant Diet Mt. Dew drinking... where was I?

Oh yeah, so I just got a nice note of encouragement from ponyTail though I had to chuckle at, "Sweetheart, the early morning crew is all about support and caring." When did that happen??? Times have changed! The early morning crew use to be about backstabbing and killing yourself in front of everyone trying a stunt that would be stupid at seventeen when you still had cartilage and flexibility; probably an ironMan influence. Word on the street is ironMan's a member of some highfalutin gym that's closer to his home and shortens his commute by about an hour. I bet he looks great, I should probably change his name to ironAdonis or something like that.

Thirty minutes on the elliptical; one must protect one knees in one's dotage. Gawd I hate this machine, I'm doing intervals and sweating, which is the point. I'm listening to They Might Be Giants (don't judge me) investigating if Boss of Me (Malcolm in the Middle theme song) was their high water mark or not. So far ... yeah.

Why I, why I'm in this room
There is no point explaining
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

Two days in a row, covered in god-like sweat I head for the showers.

Monday...

Back on the spinner for 35min - will it stick? Not sure but kinda hope so. Saw some of the regulars but kept a low profile out of shyness/embarrassment. Maybe I'll have a longer entry tomorrow.